Jersey Girl in New England

What Will Be Will Be Boyfriend

2010-04-10T08:30:00.004-04:00

How many times does a relationship have to succeed? How many times can the bad out weigh the good? How many times can one prove that it's worth it, and you really want it. I'm no angel, but I know what I want for the most part. I promised myself I would not look for it right now... (What will be Will be) because I want it to be in my lap right now, but that promise is painful just a little. I know that Boyfriend is a wonderful man and he wants what I want. What I am not sure is if he wants it as much as I do. After so many days of his over drinking and my hiding my aggravation I again wanted so desperately to tell him it's the booze or it's me. Like I said, I'm no angel, but I'm trying to not over do my drinking. I'm so tired of watching what I want pass me by because of the alcohol. So instead, I asked Boyfriend if he could stop drinking so much, and then asked if we needed some time away from one another to decide if he was ready to do that. He told me he didn't need time away to not drink and he was tired of over doing it. It is unfortunate, but this has had to be proven to me before and he did... this time he's gone since Friday and is going strong. Resisting the beer even when it is in front of him. I'm very proud of him. I do fear though that I am asking him too much. That he doesn't want to grow up with me as much as he says. Only because we've had this problem a few times before. I am praying our relationship finds a way and that I am not asking too much, being a hypocrite, or the promises are just bidding time for another heart break.

A friend in USAF Boot Camp

2010-04-06T12:21:00.006-04:00

We have a CNG in USAF Boot Camp! You know I love to write letters!! a*craig was such a big help to me when the Ex was deployed and is still a great friend! She has come so far! if anyone feels like writing her let me know, I'll send you her address. Ash has lots of support, but from what I understand the more support the better! This girl is so strong and I am sooo proud for her and her accomplishments over the last year! Go girl!!

March 27 CNG Post:

So I sent my first letter To Ash today. But there is a little story behind the picture That I can't wait to tell her about too. Since I didn't want to post my address on FB and only wanted to share the pic with you girls, I texted my email with the pic of Ash's letter. Well my Cell Phone is a touch screen (i kinda hate... it BTW) and while i was scrolling through my address book to get my select my email, not knowing, I also selected another friend of mine who happens to be a mail man in Morristown and sent the message. I get a text back from Brian saying "you want me to send that?" I was like Send what? and then I realized the amusing ironic mistake lol Oh !!! I miss Ash already!!!!!

Crazy Navy Girls Photos

March 27 at 4:49pm

hehe i also noticed just now that i wrote drom instead of dorm oops

March 27 at 4:56pm ·

The Easter Muskrat Helped the Jabberwocky Dry my Cell phone out

2010-04-06T09:24:00.008-04:00

Jessica gotta love it, I move to Mass, I lose my phone, 6 and 1/2 months later I wash my phone... SO AGAIN I don't have everyone's phone numbers. SIGH or a camera!!!

March 28 at 7:34pm Only Friends · Comment ·

Aunt Ginger

take the battery out and put in a bowl of white rice (not instant) over night, it should be okay.

March 28 at 7:37pm ·

I don't think its the battery the phone is a touch screen. It's ruined but i'o willing to try thank you

March 28 at 8:01pm ·

Aunt Ginger

not just the battery put everything in the bowl of rice. you might be surprised!

March 28 at 8:10pm ·

Ok. I'll give it a try. Thank you

March 28 at 8:11pm ·

Sayers

man we gotta do the whole give our number things again....

March 28 at 9:34pm ·

Aunt Joanne

Back up your contacts online with your carrier.

March 28 at 11:55pm ·

Vikie

Last year, James put my phone in my gin and tonic. I had to take it all apart and let it sit for a few days and it was fine. A couple of the screens look a little water logged, but I can see through them no problem. I bet the rice will speed up the process! Good luck!

March 29 at 9:14am ·

The rice worked alright, took the moisture out of the screen, but its not turning on... I put it through an entire laundry wash. I'm gonna call At&t today. see if I get an operator that I can plea with. :-) Thing is I really didn't like the vu. Touch screen is kinda a pain. so the irony is perfect almost. I'll leave it in the rice for a day or two.

March 29 at 9:22am ·

ok wow! my phone works!!!! but i lost the go phone i was using so i dont have a chip to put in the vu!

March 30 at 9:04am ·

Aunt Ginger

arrgh!

Sat at 5:33pm ·

Ok here's the most updated info on both Cell Phones:

I lost the go phone I had been using it must have fallen out of my pocket in the driveway and was found by my uncle, but he just took it and left it on the boat that is also in the driveway. Mind you the weather has been Awful MAss got a record amount of rain for the month of March. The rice worked! SO I gave up on finding the go phone and replaced the simcard so my Vu works perfectly now!! (Thank you for the suggestion you saved my phone!!) I told my uncle the the phone I put through the laundry was working again, and he asked "what about the cell phone I found in the driveway?" I said that was my other phone you and Aunt Cyndi helped me get in September. He said oh, well I either threw it out or its on the boat in the back. (not sure why he didn't just bring it inside there are a bunch of people that live in the house 3 units not including the garage I live above) luckily he put it on the boat and did not throw it out! I put that phone in the rice and now that is dried out and works perfectly too. the whole ordeal only $20 to get a new simcard at At&t (which is normally $25 but the guy gave me a break because I only had $20 in cash and was not sure how much was on my card).How's that for a book? all and all I have both phones again so if I happen to launder the Vu again I'll have my Go phone to back me up.

Can't Wait for Jersey anymore!!!

2010-02-28T10:10:00.003-05:00

Counter

Time until Saturday, March 13, 2010 at 8:00:00 AM (UTC time)

12 days
304 hours
18293 minutes
1097635 seconds

Alternative version It is 12 days, 16 hours, 53 minutes and 55 seconds until Saturday, March 13, 2010 at 8:00:00 AM (UTC time)

Friend Making Monday

2010-02-15T19:37:00.005-05:00

Friend Making Monday- Valentine's Day

1) How did you spend your Valentine's Day? What did you get? What did you do?

Well Unfortunately the day started off faulty. Boyfriend was out late drinking with a buddy the night before and I was mad at him. He was hung over and cranky and we argued in the morning. It was not resolved until later that evening after I got home from work.

I walked in and he had cleaned up the room, and the middle of the table from "Dirty Table" that was clean he had wrapped a couple things and had a card on top Labeled "My Love". And Three red roses in a wine craft with an I love you. Great Salvage! I melted. I had told him I was going to make him Potato pancakes but after all the arguing and my 6 hour shift at work I was too tired to cook. I made them today instead. He told me that it was the best meal of the year and I He liked them better than his mothers. I told him not to tell his mom that! lol So between my gifts and his gifts The only issue is the serious amount of Chocolate that is in this room.

Thank you Amber {ae Flikins} for Friend Making Monday-Valentine's Day!!

Dirty Table

2010-02-13T22:17:00.003-05:00

This table was clean about a week ago for like 3 days then it looks like this in less than a week. Funny I had to take a picture of this before I actually clean it. in fact, my guess... I will not be cleaning it tonight either... I'm lazy tonight.

I confess

2010-02-11T12:05:00.008-05:00

One of Our Newest CNG Posted a new Discussion in our Group called "I Confess".

"Welcome to I confess....where you can say those things that you are holding in, especially when you don't have the luxury of being in contact, or when you don't have the courage to say them.....yet"

Most of the CNGs jumped right in with their confessions but I was extremely reluctant to try it, because reading the other girls posts made my tummy knot up. Seeing that Steph Posted her fear towards confessions on the CNG wall however made me feel better so through the knots I did it myself. I cannot post here what I said there... But I can say here that some of my doubts about mine and Boyfriend's relationship seemed to be seen in a second light. Admitting why I fear S and my relationship, why I tend to hold back made me see that maybe it is all just silly. Poor Boyfriend Takes so much BS from me. BS that my Ex wouldn't have even given me the time of day for.

I Must Let my Past go!!!

I think I'm lucky, and I need to actually Believe it from now on. I know I am Lucky!!

I can confess something here though! I spend WAY too much time procrastinating on this computer. I think sometimes I hide myself in it... and maybe need a little break. Not necessarily from Blog, but defiantly from Facebook!

What Makes One Jersey Anyways?

2010-02-09T19:01:00.002-05:00

I cannot lie, I have been watching MTV's Jersey Shore cause I kinda think it's amusing. I mean really MTV IS all about the drama right? and it is just a show. I'm here in Massachusetts right now and watching it kinda makes me feel a little bit better about being away from home. One thing did Burn me up though... Episode 6 Sammie and Ronnie are leaving a club in a cab ride, and Ronnie makes some comment about her big toe and Sammie Freaks out ... Then Ronnie tells her she's "acting like a Real Jersey Girl" I was like WTF Sammie is no REAL Jersey Girl...
Tell me where these people think that a girl crying about her boyfriend making fun of her toe makes her a Jersey girl...
The Drama actually continued over her big toe like half the episode. She cried about her boy calling her toe big... actually CRIED

A real Jersey Girl makes fun of their boyfriend right back...
I mean Hell My toe is huge? Least I can wear shoes to cover them up... I don't know what your gonna do about your huge nose punk!
We laugh about it, maybe play fight... then its over.
This is what a REAL Jersey girl would do.

Create your own Jersey Shore Nickname.

J-Pants!! I Died laughing!! LOL I think everyone needs a Jersey Shore Nickname! It's toooooo funny!

Not Me Monday

2010-02-01T09:36:00.004-05:00

Well There are a couple things I did not do this weekend...

My Car didn't overheat on the drive to SH's apt and we did not feed her Poland Spring to make it without stopping. Looks like Neon's getting snooty in her old age.

I didn't get to work on Sunday and realize I had forgotten to wear a bra (not like ANYONE but me noticed) oh and I'm NEVER in a rush to get to work because I never slack or stay out too late the night before... Not me

I didn't take my drinking boots out for a Spin Friday AND Saturday night. It didn't feel like the first time I was able to control these boots since I got to Massachusetts.

J: I think I got my drinking Boots back Baby
Boyfriend: What did ya leave them in New Jersey?
J: I think so corse I'm pretty sure its just the drinking here [MA] gets me hammered faster. I've never been so drunk so quick in Jersey. I think The Alcohol is Stronger in MA
Boyfriend: So that's why I was able to drink so much Hard booze in Jersey and not be drunk at all.
J: I think so
Boyfriend: I think you should send your drinking boots back to Jersey, Keep your Drinking Sneakers

drinking sneakers save me money hello!!!

Not ME

Well all and all it was a fun weekend... None of this REALLY happened

*wink* *wink* *kiss* *kiss*
NOT ME

Not Me Monday originates from MckMama

Neon Troubles and ♥Friend Feed Back

2010-01-27T09:38:00.007-05:00

Yesterday my Neon overheats on the bridge turning right on to Bridge Street, put the hazards on and the lady behind me has her Van angled looked like she was ready to cut me off on the right is flipping me off because I wave her around. She's cursing me for two lights when she finally gets the idea to pull around me, Then she gives me a dirty look as she passes my over heated car. Sorry Lady My car stopped right in front of your car just to ruin YOUR morning!

This is what my friends thought about it when I posted on Facebook.

Yesterday at 9:43am Only Friends · Comment · View Feedback (6)Hide Feedback (6)

Massholes.

Yesterday at 10:11am ·

People are just sooo self centered. I guess the idea to ask you whether you would need help did not come to her mind. I have a Neon. So I guess once this piece of shit stops I am prepared for the worse.

Yesterday at 10:12am ·

what a bitch! hope you get your car fixed! =(

Yesterday at 10:18am ·

I would have asked if she needed help. 2 guys helped push neon around the bend. Every jerk has a good person to make up for the idiots of humanity. Neon's ok for now. But her clock is ticking.

Yesterday at 10:28am ·

Jess, I would've gotten out of the car and taken a shit on her windshield...but that's just me.

Yesterday at 10:51am ·

♥ lol! I love my friends!! ♥♥♥

Thank God there are some decent people around here two guys hopped out of their truck and pushed me around the bend. yay for A J Wood Construction. I have to write them a thank you note! Uncle O helped me figure out the problem later on in the morning. I did not run the car when I put Antifreeze in it. Bad Bad Bad. So Neon is a live and well and no longer overheating now. Sweet!!

Now for the Car Trouble annoying the heck out of me. I really need a break A trip to NJ so I can clear my head and realize that I don't belong there, but because That became not an option with the car over heating and the radiator steaming I will not be able to drive to Jersey as much as I want. so Now it looks like I have new things to add to my list, like Car? Truck? Wish me Luck. and I ♥ my Neon! I REALLY don't wanna give her up. I may have to and it hurts my feelings. :-(

Pretend it's Monday , Friend making Monday

2010-01-26T17:15:00.004-05:00

I didn't make it up on Monday AGAIN! So I'm pretending it's Monday today....

So Thank you Amber {ae Flikins} for Friend Making Monday!!

The Simple Woman's Daybook

Outside my window...
Unlike Monday its a cloudy but rainless evening. The cove is calm

I am thinking....
about a lot of things. Trying to figure out what my next big step is

I am thankful...
For the people around me. For the friendly faces at the River Street, and for Aunt C and Uncle O for helping me get a better grip on my life

I am praying...
for my family, for R who's shipped out for Haiti Disaster relief His wife and little one, for CNG J and her boyfriend who also shipped out for Haiti, for Bartender M who just lost his mother, for David Freese and his family and loved ones in Jersey for he has passed on from this Earth, finally, Mark and his faithful dog who also has passed.

I am reading... trying to,
a book that a friend wrote about growing up in Beverly, MA during WWII. I also want to pick up Dear John

I am creating...
a new open comfort zone... Trying to let people know me better up here.

From the kitchen...
I'm dying to try D.A.R.'s Recipe for Ravioli in a Tomato-Basil Cream Sauce
I'm telling you I will cause it looks soooo yummy!!

Around the house...
My Room is a mess!! I need to clean it AGAIN!!

One of my favorite things...
Snail mail.

A few plans for the rest of the week...
sending out cards, cleaning room, Laundry on Thursday, Closing at work with S on Friday!

Friend Making Monday ~ To do (even though it's Thurs)

2010-01-21T16:40:00.010-05:00

I've been meaning to start doing lists My first list was the Need/want list but I'm honestly looking to get deeper. Unfortunately my laptop is not always with me so I use a notebook and this notebook I drag to work so when I'm bored I write. With the new year I wanted to refer to a list of things to do, not only for daily or weekly but for a to do for the year. I stumbled across {ae Flikins} and her post Friend Making Mondays. This is perfect! I'm going to start here for my list of just the things I should work on everyday/ week at least.

To Do ~ Daily and Weekly

@>~}~~ ~~{~<@
@>~}~~ ~~{~<@
@>~}~~ ~~{~<@
@>~}~~ Clean room ~~{~<@
@>~}~~ Bring Dirty Dishes, coffee cups, laundry, spoons upstairs ~~{~<@
@>~}~~ wash windows ~~{~<@
@>~}~~ wash uniform ~~{~<@
@>~}~~ fold laundry and put it away ~~{~<@
@>~}~~ ~~{~<@
@>~}~~ Enforce Family dinner weekly with boyfriend S
Aunt C, Uncle O and the rest of the Webb Crew ~~{~<@
@>~}~~ ~~{~<@
@>~}~~ Look for a better Job ~~{~<@
@>~}~~ send out letters ~~{~<@
@>~}~~ clean out Neon (car) ~~{~<@
@>~}~~ check antifreeze / oil ~~{~<@
@>~}~~ call Grandparents and mother ~~{~<@
@>~}~~ Keep in touch with family and friends ~~{~<@
@>~}~~ make plans a couple months in advance ~~{~<@
@>~}~~ have needed "Girls Night" ~~{~<@
@>~}~~ spend less time on computer ~~{~<@
@>~}~~ read a book ~~{~<@
@>~}~~ Make a new Recipe ~~{~<@
@>~}~~ Sweep and mop room ~~{~<@
@>~}~~ open some windows for a little while if it is nice out ~~{~<@
@>~}~~ do not dwell on past ~~{~<@
@>~}~~ Remember What is Meant to be Will Be ~~{~<@
@>~}~Find a Church to go to ~~{~<@
@>~}~~ Say more prayers ~~{~<@
@>~}~~ Drink Less ~~{~<@
@>~}~~ When not happy find a way to be happy ~~{~<@
@>~}~~ Write Grandma Beth a To Do list ~~{~<@
@>~}~~ ~~{~<@
@>~}~~ Make sure to tell the people you love
that you love them ~~{~<@
@>~}~~ ~~{~<@
@>~}~~ always be thankful even for the little things ~~{~<@
@>~}~~ Consider Boyfriend S's wants too ~~{~<@
@>~}~~ Find new hobbies ~~{~<@
@>~}~~ Always add to this list ~~{~<@
@>~}~~ Remember Family and Friend's Birthdays ~~{~<@
@>~}~~ ~~{~<@
@>~}~~ ~~{~<@
@>~}~~ ~~{~<@

There's more but like I said some are for days and some are for the week and I will try my best to update this regularly considering I do accomplish things more readily when I make lists :-) over the last year I've referred to my Personal To Do list I made Nov 2008. honestly, the last couple of months I hadn't even looked at it until January when I pondered this list. It hasn't really changed but it has things on it that should always be understood and lived by.

So Thank you Amber {ae Flikins} for Friend Making Monday!!

Feet, Toes ...

2010-01-21T09:34:00.006-05:00

Snow AGAIN

2010-01-19T19:11:00.007-05:00

I'm trying to think of a good way to get over my winter blues... but the snow keeps falling. Know what else fell today? Me. I was walking down the three flights of wooden decks in the back of my Aunt and Uncle's place. They live on the top one. I ALMOST made it to the bottom one and slipped and flew. I'm clumsy so I know how to fall. dunno why, my body just moves like a cat moves... natural clumsy reflexes I guess... so I don't really hurt myself often. This time I was trying to save my coffee and not so worried about the stairs. I fell to the landing and rammed my back/hip on a stair. I saved half my coffee... But OMG it hurt. This was a 9:30 am this morning. It's not 7:16 pm and I'm still hurting. this sucks! I'm hoping its just a bruise and nothing too serious because I can move but it hurts to move certain ways. yuck!

See? I'm a summer girl!! I need flip flops and sunshine not ice and snow. I'm seriously wondering why I didn't just go south. But hey! I can still make the best of it some how. Am I being punished for waiting for September now?

Cake is to Have And to Eat

2010-01-18T23:24:00.009-05:00

Well I did it again. I tried to push boyfriend away. Poor S is the cake I guess. I try to push him away all the time. J really messed me up I think because I really and truly don't believe Boyfriend S and how he REALLY wants big things for us. I want to believe him but honestly somethings bug me. somethings give me red flag. Last night I pulled the drink a little too much and try to break up with S again. This all kinda happened because I told boyfriend that I wanted to go back to learn about my Native American heritage, but I would have to go away for a month to do so. Well S takes this awfully wrong so when I woke up this morning I get the booming words "WE have some things WE NEED TO TALK about". I even told him "The Indians sent me a coyote in my backyard" I was defiantly trying to sell this Indian thing to him. This morning I said that won't even happen, but if it does it'd be nuts. It took us a couple of hours but we talked it all out. we're doing fine now, which is fantastic. I dunno, I wanna tell him that sometimes I wanna have my cake and eat it too I want him but I wanna be single. I can't though. I'd risk losing him and I'm not sure I want to. He tells me he wants to spend the rest of his life with me, and I had to tell him that it is not his fault, as much as I believe him I'm so scared to trust that statement because I have heard it before and believed it and was let down. I couldn't even get it out with out bawling. S really is a wonderful man. He REALLY loves me. Please God help me to get past my fears and let him love me?

Here is a poem I wrote, It reminds me of the situation;

Please God Lend me some shoes?
Current mood: confused

Please God Lend me some Shoes?

Dear God, please lend me the shoes of a strong willed woman,

So I can walk a mile and realize that will is not all I need

Help me see that will itself only helps me proceed

Please loan me a pair of well warned boots of one with nerves of steel

I will give them back in one day maybe two

I need to learn how to make my tension heal

Teach me to be strong, to walk with my head high

And not worry so much that I will someday die

Let me borrow the shoes of an elderly woman who has seen it all

And has faith that the Good Lord will take her because she has done all her living

May you allow me to use my mother's shoes

To understand the trials she went through

And also a while her mother's too

Though we are close in voice I can't possibly understand

Unless I see it from my own eyes

Dear God lend me the shoes of my faithful lover

So I can understand the stress I put this wonderful man under

Teach me the ways to make me stronger

In body, in mind, in faith through feet, and eyes

Then return me my shoes so I can again walk through life;

much more than a mile and a few pairs of shoes wiser.

JLC 12/27/07

He REALLY loves me.

I know he does and I love him.

A Question from The New Girl on Post

2010-01-17T20:04:00.005-05:00

New Girl on Post blogged "Question Kinda Day" for today and it just made me start thinking about how much this blog has done for me in the last year and a half!

Here's my Answer and I will go into it deeper in a little while I Just wanna go have a beer cause the NY Jets just beat the San Diego Chargers:

Twisted Jess said...: I started blogging in July of 2008. My boyfriend at the time was in Navy Recruit Training command and I needed something to take my mind off the fact that he was gone and not many of my friends at home understood a thing I was going through. My friend Sarah on Sarah Takes on the World was going through something similar and suggested I try it. I vented my way through his A School,and first deployment and sadly through the end of our relationship. but it also helps me now through my search for me. I love it and I love reading all of you ladies' blogs and finding new and fun ones. Blog land is great! Thank you for the great question!!

I will not search. What will be will be

2010-01-16T19:18:00.006-05:00

New Idea for me.

I always long for starting a family and finding a home.... One where I can actually say HOME, "I'm going Home" and it actually is a home: A house that my family is in. MY family. Well, I give up. It seems the more I long for it, the longer it takes. It's like longing to find love. My biggest advice is Don't look for it. Have the time of your life and it will fall in your lap when you least expect it. Well here we go... I'm taking my own advice for once. I will have the time of my life. I'm not searching for it. I'm not longing for either one anymore. I'm going to live my life and when it happens to fall into my lap I will thank God for it. Until then... I will not worry about it passing me by because you can't pass by something like this... God has his reasons and everything happens for a reason. If it is meant to be it will be...

Prayers for Haiti and All of Our Troops

2010-01-14T11:18:00.005-05:00

Please keep Haiti, her people, and our troops and their families who are working hard out in the desert and deploying for disaster relief in your thoughts and prayers. God Bless our Heroes and please keep them safe!

Rick, Julie, & Jacob
Rick is leaving for Disaster Relief With the U.S. Army as we speck

List # 1 : needs / wants

2010-01-14T10:19:00.008-05:00

Need List:
I'm heading to Wal*mart. Most likely not getting any of these things, but I figured I'm gonna work on some lists... The lists help me organize and work towards goals so, why not post the best one first huh?

Needs:

Curtains for my room: 8 windows
Dresser / Armorer / Storage buckets for clothes
Underwear / Socks
Jeans / Slacks (Pair of black pants for work)
New Fuzzy boots

Wants:

Book: Dear John
Cover for my Phone
Microwave

Temporary Home

2010-01-10T12:07:00.003-05:00

Justin and I have knew each other when we were young and our mothers were in beauty school together. Our mothers' lost touch and our lives moved into different places. About a year ago we re-met in Pennsy. It was really cool. He's on the right.

Justin

u in mass still?

7:47pmJessica

ya.

i love and hate that too... I got some serious winter blues

7:48pm Justin

u can trade in ur car.

u dont like mass so much any more?

7:49pmJessica

its alright. just too freakin cold

7:49pmJustin

lol at least u have snow tho. cold without snow is like... a whore with... no... pimp?...

7:50pmJessica

and i dunno i'm back and forth with the homesickness. not so much for the place home but the family and friends home

7:50pmJustin

i know what you mean

i havent felt 'home' in a long time

7:50pmJessica

ya i got plenty of snow

7:51pmJessica

aw i'm sorry! I mean i feel at home but its an odd feeling too me cause its just so bumpy i dunno...

7:52pmJustin

its fine, i'll find it one day. i think i understand what you mean tho

7:54pmJessica

you might. but Its not a good feeling so I don't wish that ya do

7:55pmJessica

besides its strange like if i feel too at home i kinda freak out... its like pushing away someone you love because you don't know any better

7:55pmJustin

i'd heard it said before that once you move away when you grow up, you never do find home again. nothing ever will feel like it.. you make your own eventually

but its never the same

heh, come to think of it, i think that was from the movie Garden State

7:56pmJessica

good way to look at it though the search is hard

7:58pmJustin

ah, found it.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0333766/quotes

the third set of quotes down

8:02pmJessica

*sigh*

Shortly after Justin and My conversation I heard Carrie Underwood's new song "Temporary Home". It was fitting for the conversation and slightly ironic.

Need to Change my Winter Blues

2010-01-08T10:12:00.004-05:00

And What is the weather like today? Snowy.

I talked with S a little last night. I asked him if he thought I had been miserable.
Yup. You've been miserable all month! He insisted.

S is all confused as to how things can bother me so much. Says he doesn't get it. Why did I move up here in the first place if I was going to miss my family and friends so much?
J: Because I was drowning in NJ I didn't know I would be miserable.

J: I don't think I had the chance to find myself up here because we got into a relationship so fast.
S: What sleeping around would have helped you "find yourself"
J: no. I am happy I have you You helped me find home!
S: But you hate your job, don't like where you live (the list goes on).
J: But if it were for you I would have been miserable from the start. You make me more comfortable. You gave me home!! Without you I would have bailed months ago!!
S: Happy I make you feel better Baby!

S : "you've Changed" That's a fantastic 4 month mark in a relationship.
Reasons: In the beginning drinking wasn't bad. "We haven't been drinking as much as we could" is S's favorite quote. Now you don't even want to drink.

J: I can't help it. I don't wanna be that drunk girl, and I defiantly don't want to lose my dreams of a family because I have to party all the time. I came up here to Change, Change is what I want to do.

Why do you care what other people think of you soooo much?? S doesn't understand because He really only cares about what a few people think, me being one. But he completely missed the point. Its what I think of myself.

See? SUMMER!! We need you!!

Waiting for Spring

2010-01-07T14:25:00.005-05:00

Well, Silly me moves up to Massachusetts just in time for Fall... and Winter. I was bruiting, Instead of seriously enjoying my summer for Whinny deployment sucks reasons, I waited for September to Arrive from March 2009. In fact I also waited for September to arrive June 2008 too... I was a silly girl. When September blew around and My life Moved North to this beautiful state and some much needed change I grew annoyed with J for taking my September away so abruptly and annoyed with J and myself for Waiting for September and letting my summer days disappear as fast as they came. I had some fun summer moments but This summer 2010... I can not wait for it's arrival. Well I've got my comfort food remedies, but that can only bring me so far. I had a wonderful fall and this winter is beautiful but COLD! I've grown bored of it. I pray God gives me the strength to find the beauty in the winter again and hurry it along so the next thing I know it's Spring!!

Comfort Foods and Places For Twisted J

2010-01-06T08:58:00.024-05:00

These are all the things that make me happy when I'm feeling blue. I am a comfort food baby. Simple Pleasures for a Twisted Jessica. If I crave my Comfort cure I will not be happy until I get it and when I do I'm as happy as a clam*.

Baileys Irish Cream:
My love for the cold Winter days. In my Hot Coffee for snow storms, First drink for Morristown St. Patrick's Day Parade Day, and a wonderful pick me up for hangover afternoons. In my Hot Chocolate during November and December for the Holiday Season, and I've learned it is fantastic in Dunkin Donuts Ice coffee for summertime, and I love it on the rocks too!!

Dunkin Donuts & CVS:
My boyfriend S teases me about CVS because I will bypass any other pharmacy just to go there. When I'm at Grandmom and Grandpop's in Mystic Island, NJ I will drive to Long Beach Island just to go to CVS which is 15 - 20 minutes away from their house off or Radio Road. I've found a CVS in every town I have been too from Broadheadsville, PA, to Gulfport, MS, and even up here in Salem, MA and I love it. CVS spells Home to me. and my Home CVS is in Chatham, NJ.

Dunkin Donuts:
A special treat that I overindulge constantly. Another thing S has pointed out is a Landmark my towns by Dunkin Donuts locations. Coffee itself is my savior...
C once explained to a friend "Jess is seriously the only stereotypical coffee drinker I know! She can not function in the morning until she has her first cup."
So not so much the hot coffee with D&Ds, but Iced Coffee is the love of my life!
When I'm depressed, homesick, PMSing; D&D's Ice coffee.
When I'm hungover; D&D's Ice coffee.
Road trip: D&D's Ice coffee
When I had Strep D&D's Ice coffee
When I've been working the bar all day Wild guess: Yup! D&D's Ice coffee
and All summer long; D&D's Ice coffee

Boyfriend S introduced me to a couple very yummy Dunkin Donuts combination for our road trip this past October; Said it was his friend Drunk Boy's favorite; Half hazelnut coffee half hot chocolate. OMG drunk boy! it was fantastic! Best Fall road trip pick me up EVER!! I L O V E it!!

I've about summed up Hot Chocolate too... I do drink it without Baileys all the time. My favorite is when its made with milk, but I love it anyway its made with and without whipped cream and marshmellows. I love Chocolate milk too. Had a glass yesterday. I'm PMS girl right now!

Tuna fish:
Don't know what it is, but Tuna fish sandwiches make me happy. I crave them mostly when I'm hungover. or when I'm sad. Must be because Grandma Marie made Tuna fish all the time and I had plenty of them in my brown paper bag lunches growing up. best with potato bread, American cheese, & lettuce. Love it as a tuna melt with tomato soup!

Kraft Yellow American Cheese Singles, Potato Bread, & Cambell's Tomato Soup:
Best Oohy Gooey Grilled Cheese and tomato soup ever!! My Favorite combo.

I love cheese and any cheese will do but I will literally crave Kraft Yellow American Cheese Singles and eat them as a snack. I'd chose them over a potato chip any day or even a chocolate chip cookie. They must be yellow... not white.

Potato bread is just the best bread ever for sandwiches. I love bread and I love Sandwiches but sometimes it must be Potato bread!!

Tomato soup: I love it. It doesn't have to be Cambell's but Cambell's is my favorite pick for the best Grilled cheese and tomato soup combo ever!!

Finally Frozen Sweet Peas:
Dunno where I picked this up... But I did and I love it. I think it's another Grandpa thing. Grandpa C gave me lots of comfort food. I would go to the freezer in the utility room (a.k.a. basement, storage, room next to the garage with a back door) grab a bag of frozen peas and chow down on them with a little butter. Weird yes... because I know one person who does it and that's Aunt Cyndi and we didn't even know each other until July 2009. My two old roommates from Boonton Ave would always yell at me cause when they were sweeping they knew when I was into them. little shriveled up peas in the corners of the kitchen (lol!!) Sorry CQ and H!! The peas actually taste good frozen too... sweeter than when cooked. I put them in my pasta dishes all the time. Cold or Hot pastas. Yup! I'm weird... but who cares cause it makes me happy!

Above: my main and most craved comforting foods and places.

I crave other things too but not nearly as much as the ones above. Hot dogs microwaved, Pasta Salad, Tomatoes; Particularly Jersey beefsteak tomatoes, so sweet I eat them like apples, baloney, Apples and Peanut butter (must be crunchy for the best), Nuts, raisins, trail mix, pasta with white clam sauce, pasta with pink sauce and peas, Macaroni and Cheese, zucchini, potato leek soup, Onion rings with Russian dressing, Garden Salads, Asparagus, and sometimes... sardines and or pickled herring.

"Happy as a Clam"

* "As a simile, happy as a clam, when applied to people, means they feel a special safety or security. Things are well in the world and danger is, for the moment, at a safe distance. The clamshell contains the person well, providing safety, and a virtually uncrackable hardness. As Saxe writes in his last line of his sonnet: “thy case is shocking hard!”

2009 Get the Hell outta here and bring on the new year!!

2009-12-31T13:02:00.004-05:00

What a year its been!

Through the trials that made us stronger and the tributes that made us warm,
We've all grown to be much wiser than we all were before.
This year has been about
holding on to things we cherished,
praying hard for those we love,
digging deep for that last ounce of strength to help us go another day.
New births, new hearts, long hard drives, lots of tears and lots of smiles
New places, feelings, faces.
What I have lost, I will never forget...
But my gains are worth more than I could have wished for.
I have so much to be thankful for,
for being in my life
for helping me see the truth,
what is worth living for.
My biggest Thanks is for finding a place I feel I can call home.
through all the hell and heaven this year has been
We are all much better for it!
So 2009, Thanks for the craziness and the change!
now get the hell outta here and bring in the new year!!

"Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself." Matt 6:34. After all today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.

Merry Christmas

2009-12-24T21:36:00.004-05:00

A NY Giant Bone to Pick with Wikipedia

2009-12-23T12:20:00.006-05:00

My Aunt C a proud PA born Turned New Englander in the late 70's is a Patriots fan. She dug out this hat from the 2007 Season Superbowl. She thinks I should wear it to let people know I am a Giants fan but I like the Pats too... I love her thinking, but I'm better off just wearing my NY Giants hat. I'm sure to stir some hidden feelings by wearing this one out...

So here comes a bone to pick with Wikipedia... I looked up some Superbowl XLII information and sure to my surprise I read this in the article on this opinionated, web based Encyclopedia :

"Super Bowl XLII was an American football game that featured the National Football Conference (NFC) champion New York Giants and the American Football Conference (AFC) champion New England Patriots to decide the National Football League (NFL) champion for the 2007 season. In one of the biggest upsets in Super Bowl history,^[10] the Giants (14–6) won 17–14 over the previously undefeated Patriots (18–1). In doing so, the Giants became the first NFC wild card team to win a Super Bowl. They also became the sixth wild card seed from either conference, the fifth in eleven years, and second in three years, to earn an NFL championship. The victory marked the franchise's seventh NFL championship and third Super Bowl win—New York's first title since Super Bowl XXV in January 1991. The Giants head coach was Tom Coughlin. The Patriots were coached by Bill Belichick. The tagline for Super Bowl XLII was "Who Wants It More?"

See the bold writing? I'm offended... Encyclopedias Have opinions? I was highly unaware of that.

In fact I have to say that it was not a big upset for half the nation who seriously thought
1. the Pats were accused of cheating
(Wikipedia didn't cover that in the Superbowl XLII page, they did state "The season began with controversy, when in Week 2 head coach Bill Belichick and the Patriots were penalized by the NFL for their involvement in the videotaping of opponents' defensive signals from an unauthorized location in their Week 1 game against the New York Jets, referred to in the press as Spygate. Despite the media scrutiny, the Patriots continued to gain momentum, winning mid-season games by scores such as 52–7 and 56–10, as quarterback Tom Brady^[1] iterated the team's desire to blow out and "kill teams." in 2007 NE Patriots Season.)

2. The Pats can't have a perfect record!!
3. Even Philadelphia and Dallas fans Who HATE the Giants Swallowed their pride and Routed for Big Blue.
4. I personally <~~~ GIANTS FAN! Hello?! no Big upset here... I WAS ECSTATIC

So Wikipedia here's a Friendly Jersey Girl Sending you a BIG Giant UP YOURS!!!
Encyclopedias with opinions are no better than the tabloids. Wanna read about the Tabloids in Wikipedia? TABLOIDS "Junk food News"?

<~~~~~~
And just to let you know... There are Giants Fans in New England... Right here in Massachusetts. This guy... He's from MA!

Dirty room!

2009-12-22T08:33:00.003-05:00

Ya know! Why is it soooooo difficult to keep a room clean? I clean it, it looks fantastic and then in two days tops (sometimes) it looks like a hurricane blew through here! K maybe it was a little longer than 2 days this time. I cleaned it, then S and Cousin S came for a visit, and then I got the Strep which landed me bed ridden for a week practically (I still don't feel 100%) but now I have a disaster area in my room and it is sooooo not easy to get motivated to clean it. Christmas is coming... soooo now I really don't feel like cleaning cause I'd rather be drinking baileys instead of cleaning and enjoying what's left of the hype (which I'm more excited about than most years prior)

Dear Santa, Can you clean my room for Christmas? <3 Jessie

Ping Pong Ball gone just in time?

2009-12-21T07:33:00.005-05:00

The the ping pong ball in my throat was Strep! it hurt sooooo bad!! I did nothing for a week but drink ice coffee, little soup, Ice cream, and that's about it. I sweat more that I ever have without moving, OMG it was yucky! and right after I got diagnosed, Good Ole Mother Nature gave me my period too. LOVELY. Doctor gave me Azithromycin which I'm sure is the Z-pack. Which finally worked about yesterday/today. So finally I can sleep 8 hours without waking up in pain. When I finished my last dose yesterday I said "I'm scrap booking this to remind me of my first New England Christmas!" I don't have my appetite back quite yet and I've still got a bit of a head ache, but my period is almost over, and my Christmas cards are just about ready to be mailed (with 3 days to go)(I had them mostly done 2 weeks ago but I didn't wanna finish them off with my strep throat tongue) so I'll be ready and willing to spread Christmas Cheer with the rest of these crazy New Englanders in no time!

Ping pong ball in my throat

2009-12-16T10:06:00.002-05:00

I'm Sick as hell!! I don't even know what I have, all I know is it's bad. I have a swollen gland in my throat that feels like a ping pong ball, my throat hurts so bad now that 3 Advil aren't even making it stop hurting. I have the chills, sweats, maybe a fever... Aches & pains! I feel so crappy and I can't even sleep through the night because of the pain. The last 2 nights I've woken up every couple of hours when the Advil wore off. Its so bad that Its making me cry. I'm headed to the doctors in a little bit so I can feel better... hopefully this will blow over.

2009-12-15T16:14:00.004-05:00

This weekend was awesome! Sayers took a leave from the Navy and a road trip up north. He picked up Cousin S on the way here. Stanley and the 3 of us had a blast. We played beer pong, got acquainted with Sailor Jerry, had a wonderful Dinner at M.A.'s watched too much U-Tube, Had total lack of sleep and a couple headaches.

We all learned somethings about what we dealt with this past year. S finally admitted something that happened way back in February, Sayers told me somethings I felt on the Miss trip, but refused to believe back then which helped me honestly believe that J used me for a very long time. I learned what it is like to have some real friends and real people that care for me. I learned this weekend that I really do have a fantastic boyfriend too. He blended in very well. Stanley and Sayers got along like long lost friends. Stanley didn't spend the entire weekend making sure everyone else but me was having a blast, like I've had to deal with in past relationships... that's how I really began to understand how much he really does care for me. I thanked him today for that. for showing me what its like to actually have someone who puts my feelings before everybody's. I've struggled for a little while with Stanley just because as much as I trust him, I don't know if I can trust guys... but he has proven time and time again that he is a truly amazing boyfriend. Sure we have our faults in this relationship; a couple fights, a couple nights where we drank too much, him having this crazy idea that he has to walk home when he gets mad at me... and then there's me that every time that we argue or disagree I get scared he's acting like my ex... That all guys act like my ex so this relationship is doomed from the start... but then he helps me to realize Time and Time again that arguments are just little bumps and we understand and love each other so we can make it! Maybe he and I could last forever. All I know is that now I know what it is like to have a real boyfriend finally, who thinks I'm beautiful for who I am.

How I met my "Trouble"

2009-11-29T14:21:00.000-05:00

Is it safe to say, when you don't look something real comes your way?
and what is honestly real?

When Trouble and I met, it was the literal day that J had totally screwed me. J called me from MS and said "hey I'm back in the states, wanna drive down here (from MA) and have some steak and get laid?" I was shocked and annoyed by his total ignorance about me supporting his every move while deployed and in Naval School just to become a booty call. SO I was done. I got off the line with him, went into the Anchor and switched my undrank draft to a shot of Wild turkey. Across the bar from me was Trouble. He was sitting by a Keno Machine next to his cousin (Wasn't sure if his cousin was a girlfriend or a friend or what) and I was staring at him trying to get him to come over to me. I made the mistake of mentioning to my Aunt I thought he was hot, but I couldn't tell if he was wearing a ring (I know way better to mess with the local girls around here and in general there aren't a lot of hot single guys at all... they are all taken...) So my Aunt goes right over to him and asks him "How many times have you been married" (yup... She's crazy just like I am... Teenager in a 58 year old body) I was mortified... She reports back with "he's never been married." he gets up to smoke a cigarette with the mystery girl and as he passes he looks at me and says don't worry i was looking at you too and I'll be back over to talk with you in a bit. We talked for a while, At the end of the night he gave me a flower and went home. He didn't try to kiss me, he didn't try to talk me back to his place, and he told me that he was sure that we could really make each other happy that night when we were texting back and forth. (ya... i did it... I texted him like an hour after he left lol)

I didn't hang out with Trouble Friday night... We texted back and forth through his lunch break while i was out job hunting... and then that night I went drinking at the Anchor again with my aunt and uncle, took a ride on a bike and lost my Cell phone. Now I did hook up with bike guy... I was drinking... Freshly single New girl in a New town... and Seriously scorned by a Sailor... I didn't sleep with him though and all I kept thinking was "Why do I feel like I'm cheating on Trouble????"

I think God decided I needed to lose my Cell phone that night for 2 reasons:

1. I shouldn't be taking rides from Strangers on Harleys
2. Time to REALLY start a fresh life... Get the numbers of the people that really count and leave the people that I thought meant something to me behind...

If i had the power to take back one single night I would. I could not though. Some times Aunt Cyndi teases Trouble sometimes about giving him the 3rd degree when we first met... and he didn't get the 3rd degree at all... Since this has happened more than once recently, I had to tell Trouble what it was about. Trouble didn't take it well. He was hurt and confused. Typical guy I suppose, but I never figured I would have to worry about Trouble being upset about something that happened before I was his girlfriend. It too a little while for me to get him to understand that I didn't expect him to come into my life, but he did and I couldn't help but fall for him.

My friend Trouble would have understood. My boyfriend Trouble may think about this too much... or maybe I will. Our relationship has been based on the truth. He knows everything about my trials the last year. I told him first thing hello Trouble, I'm a train wreck right now. Loving me is easy, but dealing with me sometimes is tough. When I get to thinking too much I need someone to help me relax. He took this job fully knowing, and the past couple months have been fantastic. We click so well, and I think its because we are great friends first. Being with him is like being with family. He really is that comfortable.

So much to be thankful for

2009-11-28T08:19:00.000-05:00

Every holiday seems to start as stressful and ends as fantastic. This year was not nearly as stressful, but it had its beginnings. My mother and I had our annual (every couple of months) stress talk. Waiting on whether Ninja was going to join our table with cousin SML halted right after the mother talk, and it was topped off with getting stuck celebrating the annual world wide Thanksgiving Eve drink fest against my will (all though I did start the fest early and just did not get to go home when I wanted to). I did however talk with Cousin SCL, my brother for a minute, and good ol Bry for about an hour as I topped off my wired by eggnog Thanksgiving Eve.

The day arrives with again the usual slight headache and lack of sleep. Trouble and I joined Cyndi and Orie upstairs for a cup of coffee and then Headed to Trouble's Mother's house for our first Thanksgiving Feast. To tell ya the truth, I wish Trouble would hang out with his mother and sister more often. They love him so much and treat him so great when he is around them. He seems happy to be there, and always excited to leave. Trouble's mother is a great cook. We had a 15lb turkey, Peas, Corn, stuffing, butternut squash, mashed potatoes and of course stuffing. We were stuffed to the gills and falling asleep at the table all ready... at least I was...
Trouble's mother's fiance is a hair dresser in Boston and he decided Trouble needed a hair cut.

Before he knew it he was a whole new guy! after the hair cut we hugged goodbye and headed to my house for our second dinner.

Uncle O got a 20lb bird. I made some fresh mashed turnips and some broccoli salad. I don't know how anyone makes an entire meal; I was beat after chopping boiling mashing and mixing for an hour and a half. It all turned out fabulous but still I could have used a nap and didn't even have time.

Dinner was wonderful and our bellies have been full ever since. In fact I was so tired that I couldn't even move to go back upstairs to watch The Giants play Thursday night football. Though I am happy to say I didn't wanna watch my boys in blue get beat again this season.

All and All there is so much to be thankful for. From our Massachusetts table to yours have a Happy Holiday Season!!

3 Birthday Cakes, Tons of Turning 30 fun!!

2009-11-22T08:46:00.000-05:00

This Birthday was a lot of fun! I honestly was scared to turn 30.

Now I am so happy to say my 20s are now over and I have plently to look forward to!

Here's to a decade that will be more fun than the last! this year is going to be great!

Birthday cake from Dave

Birthday cake from Lenny and Diane at work!

Birthday cake from the 2 coolest people in New England: Aunt Cyndi and Uncle Orie!

Wordless Wednesday

2009-11-18T09:16:00.000-05:00

Trouble in Massachusetts

2009-11-15T11:34:00.000-05:00

So get this!!

Trouble's Uncle Ben Who is younger than Trouble had people over last night. Trouble's Cousin Tracy and Jess went over to Ben's house to hang out with the boys.

They played like 15 games of beer pong and a couple flip cup games and Trouble and Jess (all of them honestly) were hammered.

So Trouble gets the bright idea to get me back for the last couple of times Jess got drunk and poured a beer/water on him.
He throws a beer at Jess.
Well Jess being Jess throws one back
he throws another beer on Jess.
Jess gets him back again

fun right?
not in Trouble's Mind.
In Trouble's mind He's pissed because the last couple times Jess threw liquid at him He did not retaliate... so Drunk Jess is supposed to let Trouble throw beer on her with out retaliating.

Drunk Jess does not think this way. all Jess(es) retaliate.

Trouble gets pissed.... He decides to walk home with out telling drunk Ben, Tracey, Uncle Miles or anyone else that he's leaving, where he's going or anything for that matter. He leaves his cell phone and all his stuff... and takes off...

mean while, back at Ben's ranch, Drunk Jess and Uncle Ben realize that Trouble has left the building.
And the Trouble hunt begins.
He's in the woods, he's on the roof, he's in the eves over the garage, he's hiding in the bathroom upstairs, he passed out in one of the cars in the driveway... WRONG!

Drunk Jess is at loss for what to do. WTF???

Drunk Tracy and uncle Miles take a ride to the store to get stuff... before they go they ask Drunk Jess if she wants to go. No she says... (freaking out) I'll just stay here and wait for Drunk boy to come back to me... Tracy wants to know if Drunk Jess wants anything... Ya... Her Bizarre cranky Trouble back here stat! and ice cream... cause that will at least keep her sadness at bay...

they go they come back they bring ice cream Swedish fish, bugles, all kinds of munchy stuff (oh ya they weren't just drunk) They did not bring Trouble though.

Ben convinces drunk Jess to call off her search and will resume in the morning when the sun tries to come out (it was still raining though) (it was raining ALLLLLLLL day and night)

Drunk Jess wakes up hungover Jess and alone. Ben goes out in the woods to look for Trouble again. Jess stays and paces and can't find her phone. Ben's Couch swallowed it. Ben comes back with No Trouble. Ben makes the couch give back Jess' phone and then she calls Tracy and asks if Tracy had heard from Trouble.

Yup he's right here on the couch... let me get him.
Oh he says he'll call you when he wakes up.

Jess drives from Rawley to Beverly, stops for coffee and then Goes to see Trouble at his place. She takes his phone and phone charger to him and climbs the three sets of Stairs. (for some reason there are A LOT of places that have a million stairs and everyone Jess knows in Massachusetts lives on the top floor)
Trouble opens the door and looks at her.

Jess says you didn't want to talk to me?

No and I still don't, I'm still mad.

Fine! Jess huffs turns and leaves.

The next couple hours she panics feeling she's helpless to lose her boyfriend and best friend in MA.Trouble won't talk to her for hours and when he finally texts her he says he's aggravated and needs time to unwind. He's not sure when he will call her again.
Jess has flash backs of J and REALLY freaks out. She has a very hard time believing that
Trouble is not talking to her over a beer spilled on him but that really was the case.

After blowing up Trouble's phone multiple times He finally answers.
The boy walked 25miles because he got mad. 5 and 1/2 hours and when he got there he was still pissed. WoW!
Needless to say, Jess Decides that she will let this go.

My Take,

We've had too many fun times and few bad. I Dunno if I could handle T pulling this on me again, but if we come to this bridge again, We'll see if we can cross it. With out Trouble being in my life I don't think I would have stayed in Salem as long as I have. I am homesick and miss my family more than I have words for. Trouble has made Home feel like home for me, and Mass feel like home to me. So I call it even. I've cause my share of trouble myself trying to figure out where I belong as it is. Forgiveness is due on both hands and He deserves it as much as I.

Big move

2009-11-05T08:18:00.001-05:00

Everything I need to Know I learned in Jersey, Then I moved up to New England Thanks to Aunt Cyndi, with some hesatation and its a whole different ball park here in the land of the witches. People are different around here, maybe its me though because I find myself unwilling to meet new people. I have met one S, and He has become way more than a friend. S has been fantastic at showing me around his world that has become mine.

A little light on the situation

2009-09-25T11:09:00.000-04:00

Just an update, It's over it's been over and Jay never tried to even explain to me what happened... I haven't spoken to him since my last post and he has made no moves to even try to explain what happened and why it was so easy to kick me to the curb so abruptly. I'm completely and utterly flabbergasted over how I stood by him for this last year only seeing him less than a month in 365 days... and he could just dehumanize me and take the future he promised me and throw it out like it meant nothing to him... I saw all the red flags months ago, but I just didn't think it could happen to me... that he could do that after I stood by him and told him every day I loved him and how amazingly proud of him I was.

this is why I've been MIA and made my official move to Mass.

I find it strange not being a Navy girlfriend anymore. His friends all think he's an idiot for dropping me like that and tell me I deserve to be treated better and so do mine.

The Irony in the situation actually gets better.
Not having that physical relationship makes it easier to move on. I still care for him and wonder what if But the fact that he did what he did makes me Care very little for the kind of person he became and for what reason... I would like to know, but I have lost a whole hell of respect for that boy. I have a job now, and since my move to Mass I wake up every morning with out a care in the world. I am home sick a little, but to tell ya the truth when it comes to most of my friends at home, they all dropped back when I was dealing with a military relationship.

It is REALLY hard to just move on from a long relationship and very many broken promises... but I can always trust again... and I will love someone. This blog is officially over now and I will move to the next.. I just felt the need to clarify one last time... He has not told me, but I have told you.

End and Beginings

2009-09-02T14:18:00.000-04:00

I'm turning a new leaf and ending this blog... All though I am forever twisted as per usual, I have some new chapters to write in a different place. I will find you all when I start me new blog.

July Good and Bad

2009-07-21T15:28:00.000-04:00

Why does July suck?
It has not always been the case, but for the last 3 years its been the worst month of the year. I look forward to July 4th, Our Nation's very important Birthday, and Independence Day! but that is about it...

July has given and taken from me very important people in my life;
Grandpa's Birthday, July 7th taken July 17
Jayson Conrad's Birthday July 21st taken the same day
J left for the Navy July 11th this is the second July I have been waiting for him

3 years of Julys I cannot wait to be over.
It seems that July brings sleepless nights for me, and this has been years and years happens all the time. but I think its just the season change and the long days that confuse my internal clock.

Good things do happen in July, I met J in July of 2004 and that was a wonderful summer.
J's birthday is July 25th

And His joining the Navy last July has been a wonderful thing. I have never been so proud and honored to know him. I have always loved him more than the world, but The Navy has molded him into a fantastic person. giving him pride and honor for himself.

This July has given my Cousin Jessie a beautiful Baby girl, July 10th 2009 Sophia was born, bringing a sense of hope to the family as this family has had a long and grueling year because our grandmother was ill.

Thanks to many prayers and wonderful family support, Grandma Maryann has been feeling much better and much more well. Well enough to make it to Jessie's baby shower and actually was on her way with Jessie's mother, Debbie to visit and had to turn around and go to the hospital for Sophia's birth.

Jessie's fiance Mike's birthday is July 11th.

My brother Kenny has had lots of bad luck this month and I am praying that he gets out of it and finds his way.

This past weekend Grandpa John and Grandma Maryann's roof was in the process of being repaired. Another good thing to come from July.

In closing, July is one crazy month and I cannot wait until it is over, But it has molded mine and others' characters. with out trials we would have no better days to look forward to. and without trials would have no tributes to work hard for.

A prayer for my Brother

2009-07-19T16:41:00.000-04:00

A PRAYER FOR SIBLINGS (Saturday, June 2, 2007)

Oh Heavenly Father, please hear our cry: We are so amazed about our siblings and we all have different concerns. But, we know that You are the God that is more than enough and you know our needs and can meet our every need sufficiently. We know this Lord! For some of us, we simply don’t know where our siblings are and for some of us we simply don’t know what they’re doing. Still others are concerned that they seem to be on a destructive path. Father we ask that no matter what the exact circumstances are that you will first purify our hearts and then you will change these situations that our siblings find themselves in. Father we are asking you to touch their lives, turn them around, Bless them, pour your love on them, shine your light upon them, allow them to walk in your grace and to come to your throne of mercy in their time of need. We thank you, we adore you. In Jesus Name we ask and pray. Amen

http://hedgeofprotection.blogspot.com/2007/05/prayer-for-siblings-saturday-june-2.html

Lately, I've worried for my brother Kenny. He seems to find himself in situations that are difficult, and it is not always his fault. I love My brother with all my heart and I hope that he finds some better luck and sees better days. Please pray for Kenny.

there's always the shore

2009-07-17T00:13:00.000-04:00

Happy one year Navy Anniversary

2009-07-11T21:16:00.000-04:00

July 11th 2008

J entered the Great Lakes Naval Recruit Training Command.

2 months of Boot camp Great lakes, IL
(he sent me 6 letters)

3 day visit to Great Lakes to see J's RTC graduation
and enjoy his company for his Liberty Weekend

5 months of A school Wichita falls, TX
(one Christmas card from him)

2 weeks of Leave in New Jersey in January 2009

2 months of combat training for J and his unit in MS

2 long weekend trips to visit J on base in Ms

120 days of waiting his return for his first deployment
(37 days left after today)

365 days, 52 weeks, 12 months, 8,781 hours, 526,899 minutes, 31,613,985 seconds
Of pride, tears, honor, love, waiting

All worth every second, every tear, every long day, phone call, text message!

Now you better get your butt home safe soon!
Congratulations Baby! Its been a long year!

Welcome to the World Baby Sophia!!

2009-07-11T21:03:00.000-04:00

Baby Sophia

July 10, at 9:28PM.
She weighed 8 lbs. 3 Oz.
20 1/2 in. tall.
Everyone is well

Happy Birthday to Grandpa

2009-07-07T14:09:00.000-04:00

7/7/1925 - 7/17/2006

You went to a better place 3 years ago, but we miss you still,We love you, I miss you so!

Grandpa,
"If tears could build a stairway, and memories a lane, I'd walk right up to heaven and bring you home again."

Happy Birthday up there in heaven, I know your there watching over us!

waiting on a dream

2009-07-01T14:44:00.000-04:00

I asked for closer in a prayer Monday night.
I asked that I may find my way
and what way must I choose.
I asked that God point me right,
and Saint Anthony guide me so I do not get lost.
Seems my prayers were answered in a Foggy sort of way.
In a dream I can't completely remember You asked to marry me.
Gives me fuel to wait just a little longer.
Yet dreams aren't as good as your voice Baby
Come home to me!

Weddings

2009-07-01T14:28:00.000-04:00

June 27th 2009
Mr and Mrs Anthony Jr.

Thursday 6/19/2008

2009-06-20T02:05:00.000-04:00

That was the Thursday that we through tears said goodbye before J left for RTC. I think that it may have been the hardest day of my life so far. yes I got him back for another month... but when I pulled out of his driveway I couldn't even get to the end of the street without hysterically crying. The CD Got caught on repeat of Roll On By kid Rock and i didn't know how to turn it off. J called it fate. I still have those text messages from that day. I couldn't save all of them, but i saved alot... and I go back and look at them over and over and they make me smile, and sometimes cry. Mainly They make me so proud of him and make me think that this year even though its been so tough has been so worth every moment of waiting because J means the world to me!! I love you so much!!

come home to me soon Baby!!
I'm here waiting for you with all my Love

58 days to go!

2009-06-17T19:38:00.000-04:00

Missing someone gets easier every day because even though it's one day further from the last time you saw each other, it's one day closer to the next time you will. ~Author Unknown

2009-06-15T17:59:00.000-04:00

The things that have going on lately;

I got a place... Sorta. the land lord at my Dad's place renovated the mid half of the house down stairs from my dad and the guy that moved in down there offered me the extra room for 200 a month. Not a bad deal right? Thing is I don't feel quite comfortable there. When I told Jay about it his response was "your living with some guy?!"

The last two weeks I have not been staying there though. I spent the first of them at my Mom's and Grandmas, and this week my uncle's
the venting is needed fof this purpose;

2 Tuesdays ago my friend big C Asks me if i wanna go out. I say I can't I'm 2 hours away at my mom's and its pouring rain I don;t have the money.
She insists on buying me a few beers. I still say no. $30 for the week right now 2 hours away don't wanna deal with 80 in the rain and I have no money. She thinks I'm mad at her because I "never opt to stay at my mom's house instead of going with her." I explain I don't want to come mainly because I didn't want to get stuck in Jersey with no money. C thinks that makes no scene because I live in NJ. it goes on for a little bit and then she gives it up.

talk to her briefly Saturday after a baby Shower.

Tuesday rolls around again and I get a text: Hey Stranger how are you?
I said your stranger than me
and then comes the are you alive blah blah blah...
and the I'm concerned about you Jess text.

I call her. Assure her I'm fine. Having some disagreements with grandma yada yada and having second thoughts with staying at the house in Jersey but whatever maybe we can hang out tomorrow night.

Images of Self

2009-06-11T02:12:00.000-04:00

a. Type your answer to each of the questions below into Flickr Search (http://www.flickr.com/).
b. Using ONLY the first page, pick an image.
c. Copy and paste each of the URLs for the images into Mosaic Maker. Change rows to 3 and columns to 3 (http://bighugelabs.com/flickr/mosaic.php).
d. Save the image and post it on this note!

The Questions:
1. What is your first name?
Jessica
2. What is your favorite food?
Seafood
3. What is your favorite color?
Pink
4. Favorite drink?
D&Ds iced coffee
5. Dream vacation?
Lake Tahoe
6. Favorite hobby?
writing
7. What you want to be when you grow up?
it is what it is
8. What do you love most in life?
Sunshine
9. One word to describe you?
quirky

Cecelia Fern

2009-06-04T22:50:00.000-04:00

Welcome to the world Cecelia Fern
Tuesday, May 19th 2009
One beautiful baby girl born to Scott and Keli and her two big brothers!!

Wordless Wednesday

2009-06-03T17:27:00.000-04:00

I decided that I would go along with 4 little men and Girly twins today and do a little wordless Wednesday... Because Honestly... There are no words for Sammie and my goofyness last night!!

2009-05-28T12:49:00.000-04:00

So I guess I just double guessed J. This deployment stuff sucks. I always double guess and get all out of sorts for no reason. It is typical to feel this way. Luckily I have J's facebook password and I took that silly plead for attention letter away before he read it. I do this to myself all the time, but the fact of the matter is he loves me and that will not change. Pushing him now will only push him away from me and that is not my goal. I just have to wait until he comes home.

My "operation damned if I do" was silly. I can't ignore his calls... I did not answer the first call but it gave me a panic attack and he called right back and I answered.
I told him that the inn let me go, and he wasn't happy about that, but he said it was ok. I pleaded he not look down on me for it because it was not my fault. that was ok. I feel much better getting that off my chest.

I can't stand my constant PMS over this lol!! I'm such a drama queen sometimes.

All that matters is I WILL be down in Miss when he comes home. I told him I wanted to be there to hug and kiss him when he gets off that bus!

Operation Damned if I do, Damned if I don't

2009-05-26T13:03:00.000-04:00

God I wonder if I really am cut out for this... But I know I am... Just need the push...

I know this may sound like a silly question but it drives me crazy. J has Facebook. I bugged him to open an account because it would be easier to keep in touch with me and all his friends especially because he's deployed right now. But this is the silly thing that drives me crazy... He doesn't respond to me, any of my messages, wall posts, nothing But he talks to everyone else. why does he do this... is he testing me to see how far I will take it until I burst? or is it not a game at all...

I've mentioned that I never know if he gets me emails because he never responds, I've written him letters, He hasn't responded and even though He doesn't spend alot of time on the Internet (he's not the type) He responds to just about everyone else that messages him. Don't get me wrong I get a phone call every couple of days which half his friends don't get that so I am thankful, but I've told him it would help me feel better about waiting for him if I had something physical. and he'll just ask for more packages...

Why does he do this... is he trying to push me away or does he just want to keep his feelings away from me so he doesn't hurt from the separation?

Deployment bites. I feel like I'm damned if i do and damned if I don't. I have to face mentioning it to him if it bothers me too much, but I feel like I'm being stupid.

♥ Letter to J:

against my better judgment I'm going to flat out ask you why you never respond to me I love your phone calls Baby, but I would also love to have a little more positive attention. Like a "ya I'm having a good day" or a "I can't wait to see you either" or an "I love you" or something positive! only one time you responded to anything on this facebook or email was that stupid negative post on the picture of vodka which hurt my feelings.

I need to hear you need me, want me, and love me. sappy or not it would make it so much easier for me.
I'm not trying to be a pest. I'm here for you 100 percent of the way. Just give me something to hang on to please?

I love you J!

I felt so whinny sending this to him, and it just kills me. I really think that he doesn't post on my page because it's easier not to hurt C, just but I have mentioned it before. I'm far too paranoid sometimes... I just need to know what he is thinking. Like he's already saying it would be dumb for me to move to Mississippi when he comes back because he won't be there for long, but he's there for at least another year and a half. So his lack of response on Facebook is killing me... and generally the phone calls are just send me packages... so in my head I'm like WTF I mean are you just using me for packages and then gonna drop me when you get home?

Operation Don't give a Damn....

Tell ya the truth, my heart says hang in there only a couple more months ... but my head says get outta there before he hurts ya Jess...

And once he gets back to the states he WILL pay more attention to me... I dunno..

I can say this when it doesn't come to me... Jay is kinda a weird case to crack always has been... So I've decided to not be so readily available to him and ignore a couple of his phone calls... He seems to get a little weirded out when he thinks I need him "Too much" so i need to get fired up and stand up for myself... then he comes back cause he doesn't wanna lose me.

I hate psychology sometimes. I gotta treat him like a little kid and I get results. Damn military guys!!

In time of test, family is best.

2009-05-16T11:35:00.000-04:00

I have a block at the bottom of my Blog that gives a daily quote. The quotes sometimes seem to act a daily horoscope for me... Today's is one of them:

In time of test, family is best.
~ Burmese Proverb

Love how life works sometimes....
and I adore that my family is so wonderful! thank you!

Prayers go up and blessings come down
~Yiddish Proverb

I think I love Proverbs now!

Family Fun and Picnik

2009-05-14T14:19:00.000-04:00

Taking on too much in my head part I

2009-05-13T13:40:00.000-04:00

With Everything that is going on right now I seem to think I need to do it all... But in the process I get NOTHING done. I just sit here and worry about what is going on unable to get up and do...

J is in Djibouti, All I can do is wait for him to come home... Wait on phone calls and wait for him to propose... The waiting is ok.
Things I can do for him;
Send packages, Mail, Be proud of him and love him.

Grandmom Maryann had Hospice come on Sunday...
Things I can do for Grandmom;
Love her, respect her wishes, be happy that I had the pleasure of a wonderful woman to touch my life and the lives of our family. Send cards and pictures and continue to be updated so I can pass the word to the rest of the family.

Grandpa John is struggling with Grandmom's Cancer. He is scared, and we are all worried about him too. Grandmom Maryann is his wife, his true love, his best friend, and his soul mate. He is an 87 year old, retired WWII special ops army Vet, Fisherman, Loving Grandfather with many stories and a walking family historian. His main concerns these days are how to take Grandmom's illness, Always thinking that he would have gone before Grandmom, and checking up on J because Grandpa does not believe J is going to marry me. Convincing him otherwise seemed to be my main concern pior to Grandmom's heath change these last couple weeks. Grandpop John is a stubbrun man. He gets annoyed that he has to use hearing aides to hear better, and that he is not as limber as he was not 3-4 years ago. He still loves Chopping wood, tending to the docks and boats in his backyard, doing the crossword puzzle, routing for the Philidelphia Phillies and Eagles, and spending lots of prescious time with his ever growing and already huge family.

Sam is nuts but she will do what she will do. She's just a kid.
(sorry if your not happy about my post if you are reading this Sam)

Things I can do for Sam;
Love her, Remind her that she is part of this family too. Stop Questioning her intentions with Romeo. Just try to guide her and remind her that life is what it is. Running away is not the best option and stop worrying about Mississippi. She doesn't care to take an example form me who admits that at this point in my life running gave me nothing to show for except for memories, stories and pictures. She'll learn the hard way. All I can truely say is if someone reminded me that leaving would hurt before I actually went I would have stayed and maned up. Aploigies do not mean defeat, and the family loves unconditionally.

Grandma Marie is in Iowa and getting taken care of very well. I have stopped worrying about her distance and continue to write her and send pictures. Aunt Ginger says she loves my letters and that is the best I can do for her right now until I can visit her in Iowa and Give her hugs in person. Grandma Marie knows how much I love her dearly and I can never stress enough how much I am thankful and grateful for the life she gave me when Grandpa Cal was alive and Grandma and him lived in New Jersey.

My mother has not apoligized for the awful things she said to me and as much as it annoyes me, She never will. I was unable to accept that she says things and then forgets them just as fast as an excuse. She is just as thick headed and stubburn as Her father and I am way more forgiving than she is. She just acts like it never happened and to her the hurtful things will only be brought up again when she is either ill, or defending herself (she will bring up the past 30 years of hurt everytime she gets upset. its just her way and there is nothing to change it. I am thankful to say she is the only one in this family that does this anymore.) I give it up... I am just going to pretend it didn't happen too and move on.
My mother has asked me to be her Maid of Honor for her wedding in June. She is marrying Tony. Tony is a good guy. Maybe the best for her these days. He has made her very happy and will continue because making her happy is something he is very good at! I am thankful that Tony is in my mother's life. Because of her plans for a wedding, Mom has rekindled her friendship with her Brother and his wife (Aunt Frannie and Uncle Chris) or at least is attempting to forgive again without saying she's sorry for the awful things she said to them or the grudges that will again be unearthed when she gets upset with the world again.

Things I can do for Mom;
Let go of the past, let her be happy, Love her, hope she will not unearth every painful moment in her last 30 years once again. Ecept her for who she is. Be happy she is happy. Be thank ful for Tony being in her life.

Here we are at home!

2009-05-12T17:44:00.000-04:00

Random Picture Challenge

2009-05-11T18:58:00.000-04:00

.July 2004.

or

.7th folder closest year.

.22nd picture.

This is William and Grandpop at Samantha's sweet 16 , March of 2005

Prayers for Grandma in Iowa

2009-05-06T10:58:00.000-04:00

Grandma with Her Grandchildren

Mom/Grandma/Marie was hospitalized on Friday May 1 for a bladder infection and dehydration. She was recovering very well and was supposed to go home to Bickford today. Last night she fell trying to get up from bed and bumped her head. She has a small sub-dural hematoma (bleeding). Because Cedar Rapids has no neurology dept. she was transferred (by helicopter!) to University of Iowa Hospital. They are observing her and continuing treatment of the urinary tract infection. She has been pretty confused and has not been eating. Hopefully after a good night's sleep tonight she will have a better appetite tomorrow. I have been here with her since she was admitted early this morning. I will be staying at a motel so I can be here early tomorrow morning.

Sorry for the mass email... I came this morning without my phone charger.

Janet, would you make sure your mom knows, and Ruth Flora & cousin Tuggo?

Thanks very much.

Kenny & Jessica, sorry to hear about your Grandma MaryAnn.,

Love you all,

Ginger.

Mom's condition improved enough by noon today that they discharged her around 4:00pm. She is back home at Bickford Cottage now and happy to be in familiar surroundings.

(I am also very happy to be home.) She will have to be watched closely for the next 6 weeks and then we have an appointment for a CT scan and examination by the neurologist.

Knowing you all were praying helped a lot.

Thanks!!

Love, Ginger

Grandma (We love you Grandma!!) and Grandpa (We miss you Pop Pop)

Box #2 headed to my man

2009-05-05T22:18:00.000-04:00

I guess I've fallen in love with making my Seabee happy. :-) Course I have always loved doing that. When J was in RTC I wrote him every day. Now that he is on Deployment... He asked I not write him everyday. but in the same breath said "Where's my package??"

Tropical Skittles (J's favorite)
Peach Rings
Gummy Worms
A Deck of Playing Cards
a couple items I did not send in the first package, and honestly, His favorites...
aside from the Gummy Worms... They're resends.. J said he finished the gummy worms as soon as he opened the package... I had to send him more.

His Second box was inspired by one of our last conversations. J had a late watch and he said he read through an entire National Geographic. Now National Geographic has been a fantastic magazine for years, but it is not really a favorite reading material of a guy like J. He likes man things, islands, girls (but only to look at), Music, and Movies. So I decided to send him some fun reading material;

Island Magazine
Maxim
Rolling Stone
Esquire

I don't know much about Esquire, Clint Eastwood on the cover made me think that J would be interested. I told him I got him "some men's magazine" He was like "a what?" Tell ya the truth, these will all probably bore him, but who knows. The Island Magazine will make him jealous he isn't home... or on some beach somewhere. Maxim is a cool magazine... but really? J is a pain in the butt... He doesn't care about celebrities and what they are doing unless they are in a great movie, or singing a song he wants to listen to. Not really interested in making himself look more handsome (cause he's hot just the way he is), doesn't care about the newest trends and really has only had a Facebook page for a couple months cause I talked him into it.

Tucker Max's "I hope They Serve Beer in Hell"
Is a book he's going to love.

In fact I fell in love with it already myself, and wanted very much to finish it BEFORE I sent it off to J.
This man is hilarious. I found myself laughing to myself in the middle of rooms full of people while reading this book. In fact I was so engulfed in the first chapter, that much to my friend's dismay... I did not want to partake in the Power Hour session accruing at C's place. Only few books keep my attention. I would much rather write to tell you the truth. I know a handful of guys that are rude and lewd like him... and these guys happen to be friends of mine. I was laughing so hard I almost cried picturing the shenanigans of his and his friends in Chapter 2, The Night we Almost died. J'll be done with this book in no time, and asking me for another after that.

Due to my Grandmother's health and a little Omen (a book she owns fell on the floor next to my luggage suitcase in the back room I sleep in when I'm there called "The Camel Knows the Way" Grandmom said I should read it and I had to send J Tucker Max's book right away because it was highly distracting.

Oh yes and the Cracker Jacks:

merely because of Sailor Jack. For he may not be on a boat, but a Navy man he is. I can hear it now:

"I'm not a Sailor!!"

I love you Baby Come home soon!!

Prayers for Grandmom Maryann

2009-05-04T12:46:00.000-04:00

My Grandmother, Maryann, is very ill. She was diagnosed with Pancreatic Cancer in June of last year, has since been well, but has also developed Cushings Disease which has been threatening. Thursday she called in the priest for last rights. Friday I found out about it and went to see her. Friday was a very good day for Grandma, But I have never in my life time seen her in need of care, and as weak as she was. She has accepted that she may not be around for another year and she is at peace with this. My grandmother is a fantastic woman. Her faith alone can move mountains… and she has taught us all that being thankful for what we have is better than to wish we had more, to love each other to the fullest, to talk about our fears so they will not be so scary. 2 weeks ago at Easter she was a little week, but still doing everything she loved to do. Today she is becoming better than yesterday and the prayer and medication have helped the swelling go down in her ankles.

Please if anyone can help and say a small prayer for her and our family I would, and my family would greatly appreciate it.

Thank you with all of my heart.

♥ Jessica

Fun with Grandma Beth and the cousins

2009-05-01T10:35:00.000-04:00

Monday 4-27-09 was Jeany's 21st birthday!! After work I drove up to PA and picked up a 6 pack of Yuengling, Jeany's Favorite beer, and we had a beer for her 21st!

Tuesday Jeany and I gave Missy, Grandma Beth's Puppy a bath and played in the sun with her for hours!!

"Missy Hippie"

Pleasant Valley High Bears Vers Mountaineers

I stole Sean's Track Jacket cause he says he isn't going to get me a Pleasant Valley High Sweatshirt cause HE doesn't even have one.

So He stole my Sweater. It was tiny on him cause he's so tall!!

Grandma Beth and I had fun at the Meet too!!

Sean broke his Personal Record and cleared 10 feet at the meet!
GO Sean!!
everyone got Pop Tarts for breaking PRs

Sean's so Serious! and TALL!!

I love my Cousin Sean!!

Grandmother Beth and I had a great day together!! We went to the post office, the Bank, the Diner, Sean's Meet, CVS, and ShopRite!!

First Deployment Package

2009-04-22T12:37:00.000-04:00

Just some stuff to remind J of home.

Lemon slices, Mint Lifesavers, Assorted Flavored Lifesavers, pack of gum, Gummy worms, Orange slices, Twizzlers, Country time Lemonade, and Tropical Starbursts

2 small boxes of liquid gel Advil, Aloe, Kleenex, Giant Tub of Tums Smoothies, Blistex

I love New Jersey Stickers (one says "JERZ" on it),

a Stuffed Snake to remind him of our baby Scar

(who REALY is not a baby. SHE's Huge now)

2 tee shirts; 1 from the American Legion and 1 from the Garden State Parkway that says NEW JERSEY on it.

a whole bunch of cards with notes by a bunch of friends

craziness!!!
finally packed tight and sent with love from New Jersey

Another Fun thing to do when you're at Wal-Mart getting a whole lot of fun stuff to send to your deployed boyfriend:

Get a cute blouse and purse for $16.

All and all, this was a blast and the best part is thinking of his smile when he opens this box and how maybe I will be the opposite of "the worst girlfriend ever!" as he called me last week when I told him I had only sent letters in the mail. He was like a little kid; the one who doesn't want clothes for Christmas. He'd rather a package than letters. I have to laugh.

I love you Baby!! Come home soon!!
"getcha flippin kinda trippy like a Mississippi hippie"
<3,
Jessica Lynn

Welcome to the world Christopher Alan!!

2009-04-22T12:32:00.000-04:00

Christopher Alan
Born April 5th 2009
to proud parents Janelle and Rob

What's Worse?

2009-04-10T11:44:00.000-04:00

Dunno what's worse... Missed calls or interrupted calls...

I was literally on the line with J a couple minutes ago and the call was completely interrupted... "Baby?!" I questioned with concern...
wondering what that strange noise was... then I thought About it a couple seconds.
"Baby? Hello?" Then the line hung up.

I don't know what's worse!!! Now I'm thinking the interrupted line could be millions of things... but if it was something simple why didn't J just call me back... He knows I'll freak...
I'll just have to tell myself everything is going to be alright and I'll hear his voice in no time. sooner than later I hope.

thoughts on an American ship in Somalian waters

2009-04-09T16:18:00.000-04:00

I have to ask;

Why is the country so Shocked that Pirates attacked an American ship in Somalian waters just because it hadn't happened before?
but as American's all do so well, they fought them off, only to be attacked again..
Prayers are with you out there in that water!! Bring their captain back!!

Emotions; is it time to level out now?

2009-04-09T12:50:00.000-04:00

Dear emotions,

I've been thinking about how you are effecting me these days...

How I am not so much the same person I have been in the past because of you.

Well, after I have put some thought it to our situation I have come to a decision.

It is time to take myself back from the rolling ball of PMS that I have become (especially this last month)!
Missing J is one thing, but worrying so much about our future is something I can not do until the Future is here, So Emotions... STOP taking over!

If J doesn't call me day 1, you seem to be fine...
When day 2 of lack of J's voice comes... you make me cranky (and maybe that's funny to you, but I am not amused and neither are some of the people around me),
Day 3 and I'm ehhh OK... but then I hear his voice. Emotions... you have got to stop making me bottle you up for MY own good and the sanity of the people around me...

So Can we PLEASE make a deal?
Though I know that dealing with deployment can make a girl crazy, I also know that I am lucky... J will be back in the states in no time... 6 months is nothing compared to the 12 months, or 18 month deployments some wives or girlfriends have to endure. So though this maybe my first deployment endurance... I think that you Emotions, need to settle... relax, stop making me a CRAZY girl!! August or September (whichever it may be) Will NOT come quicker if you do not stop making me nutty Emotions... Please understand the faster these days go the better relationship you and I will have Emotions.

I hope this little talk has helped you understand that I am ready to LEVEL out now!! :-)

All my love,
Jessica

P.S.
Also it would be nice if you stop keeping me up past 2 am every other night. I would like to start sleeping earlier so I can see more sun rises and feel more rested.
Thanks!!

Waiting for Jacob

2009-04-08T12:00:00.000-04:00

This weekend was a lot of fun!
C and I jumped in the car and made our way to Reaford, North Carolina to see Rick and Julie.
I finally got to meet Julie!! I was soooo excited to finally meet her! She is a fantastic person and I am very happy that Rick and her are soooo happy together and are going to make wonderful parents!!

Random Picture Challenge

2009-04-07T14:21:00.000-04:00

February 2008
17th picture

H Loves her wine. I miss our Boonton A P T!!

Link up with 4 little men and girly twins to play

2009-03-30T12:40:00.000-04:00

This was a very interseting weekend. Saturday Morning went fast. I didn't wake up early enough to spend anytime

Random Picture Challenge

2009-03-30T09:49:00.000-04:00

27th folder
or December 2007
27th picture

December 1st 2007
27th picture

this is J trying to take a picture with the potato brothers at a Flip cup party.
Good times on Boonton Ave!
I miss you guys!!

Join the fun and link up here with 4 little men and girly twins!

defending my relationship

2009-03-27T14:59:00.000-04:00

It seems that the last couple of weeks (which half of them J has spent in the desert) I have found myself defending my relationship with J to my family. Not all of them of course, but a couple big ones.

Mom being one of them. I have not technically been defending against my mother because Mother and I have not been speaking for the last month for things she had to say about J and other awful things she said to me in while I was Restless in Pennsy. I think she owes me an apology and she thinks she'll be able to give me one when he "proves her wrong".

Back to defending my relationship;

The other BIG that I find myself defending my relationship to is Grandpop. *sigh* which I hate... Because it is so hard to disagree with a man that has influenced me so much and has been a shining star in my life. His words are to be listened to, yet for the first time I have to talk back to him.

for two reasons I think;

Cousin S is dating ATL now and for some reason because the family doesn't understand how they could be "in love" after knowing one another for a couple days, the family is putting both S and I in the same boat.

ATL is deployed with J and ATL and S talk all the time. They seem quite diehard for one another for knowing each other for only days... but it is a VERY young relationship.

It is not a relationship like J and mine and should not be treated as such.

J moving me down to Mississippi when he returns from deployment is realistic to us. J and I aside for a year apart (which shouldn't count as less) to our almost 5 years of dating, loving, arguing, and crying. Hell we even lived together for a year and a half of our 5 years togehter.

I've already waited for 2 months of 5 letters and 1 phone call of Naval Recruit Training Command ( Navy Boot camp) 5 months of (Apprentice) A School (He called me almost every night) , and 2 weeks of restrictment with only 2 phone calls over Christmas and New Years. 7 months of waiting to be in his arms again.

Shoot! I can make it through 6 months of deployment after all that. There is only 4 months and 3 weeks until his return.

REGARDLESS,

none of this Mississippi living banter is unrealistic for J and I.

2. J did not propose to me when he was home on leave

J is not to be at fault for this. Why is it written in stone J must propose to Jess RIGHT NOW?
The family thinks he's nuts for not doing so because of the exra money he would have gotten paid for him and I upon his return. Does my family NOT understand that I DON'T CARE about his money.
J did not propose to my because he didn't want to leave me here waiting for his return on the chance that he didn't come back. J is not a 18 year old kid that joined the military fresh out of highschool. He has the normal fears of a 28 year old man and leaving me behind as his girlfriend scares him enough.

I am so tired of defending my relationship to my family. I love everyone very much but I do not need to defend my boyfriend to my family anymore. it's not fair. have me defend him in 6 months when I can call him up and cry about things or just get a hug when he comes home from work... not when he is 7000 miles away, in a 7 hour time difference, and can only call me on an international phone card.

as I lie awake, my mind is with you

2009-03-25T11:58:00.000-04:00

I was laying wide eyed awake last night until about 5 am. Posting goofy little saying about my love for my Seabee. God I miss him. I understand how it gets easier, the wait for him to arrive home, but right now my mind doesn't want to comply. It wants to wander off to far off places (mainly Kuwait) and sit beside him as he works.

At 4 am I posted on my Facebook stats:

Jessica Lynn ~ as I lie awake this night, my mind drifts off to foreign lands, and half my heart works busy as a Bee, in that foreign hot deserts' sands.8 hours ago

His Good friend Neil Told me the other day, He had a Dream I dressed in Cammo and painted my car in cammo and an airplane dropped it off in the desert so I could go find J.
LOL Neil! He doesn't understand how my car made it to Mississippi or how I was crazy enough to drive it there in the first place. lol!

And my final random Girl missing her boyfriend babbling...

I walked away from my phone for 1 second to change in the bathroom that has no service... and what do I hear??
Anchor's Away playing outside the door. I fumble to get my pants on but through my shaking I cannot make it out the door clothed (and I have to because my two boy cousins are in the room outside) So my first missed call from Kuwait!
Luckily J says on the voicemail he'll call back after he calls his father in case I'm in the shower. So I"m not completely out of luck this time!

A long wait or short it doesn't seem to matter!
Missing him is still the same.
The first month is the hardest I hear...
"The things {we} do for our country" ~ Triple X

Who's the mother and who's the child??

2009-03-24T22:39:00.000-04:00

I've been trying my darnest not to get upset over this mother and child thing....
My mom decided

Random Picture Challenge

2009-03-21T19:10:00.000-04:00

Third Folder
1st picture with the color brown

Grandma's Camouflage Puppies
She Sells them at Pennsylvania Flea Markets.
Aren't they Cute!!??
Grandma Made me a special one separate Just for me!!
They have bones now and even dog tags :-)

Link up and join the fun!!

I Hope The Camel Spiders Eat him!!!

2009-03-19T14:25:00.000-04:00

Well I got my first cranky phone call from the desert!!
Grrr to you too Baby!!!

My Friend K, who's fiance J is National Guard and he is fighting out in Iraq as we speck,
got me this book when I got back from my trip to Mississippi. ;

Thank you K!!! Great Book!!!

I've been reading this book a little here and a little there...

Some of it I just knew... because well I know my Psychology and I know How men in general are.... like the "I'd rather be mad than hurt game" it explains in it Pre-departure to deployment. That is exactly why J was being a big jerk in "Emotions run high in Southern Miss"

says that after departure day you become resentful of your military loved one for leaving you to fend for yourself...
I'm not a Self Help Book kinda girl but it is kinda dead on...
I'm kinda hating him and wishing the Camel Spiders get him tomorrow
(even though if they did I would be really sad)

Ewwww!!!!
and REALLY I would never ever want this thing on my boyfriend!!!
No matter how cranky he is.

So if the Camel Spiders decide you and ATL aren't tasty enough J (which they darn well better)... Than I can't wait to hear your voice again because I miss you and I miss your voice!!

ALT on Camel Spiders! : yeah but they're a foot in diameter, kinda hard to miss

So I just learned Camel Spiders are as big as a thumb... that IS big... but not big enough to eat a couple Seabees ... So I guess J and ATL are safe. darn it!!! And also I did read up on the Camel Spiders...

Some common Camel Spider Myths:

1. Camel spiders can move at speeds over 30 MPH, screaming while they run.
2. Camel spiders can be as large as a frisbee.
3. Camel spiders venom is an anesthetic that numbs their prey.
4. Camel spiders can jump three feet high.
5. Camel spiders get their name because they eat the stomachs of camels.
6. They eat or gnaw on people while they sleep. Due to the numbing effect of their venom, the victim is unaware until they awake.

And my final add on today...

Although this book seems cool enough, I think I will read it IF and WHEN I am a military spouse... Until then... maybe My CNG deployment Buddy Jillian and I will write our own Book.

"dating a military man" "the Girlfriend's point of veiw"

Phone Calls From The Desert

2009-03-17T11:07:00.000-04:00

I made my way up north Yesterday for a hair cut, But I got frustrated and decided to call J's dad to see if he was going to the Legion. He said Why are you there? I said No, But I was hoping you would be there! I need a hug and a little Turkey Hunting.

About three o'clock pm I arrived down at the legion and sat next to Ray. Ray Started asking Questions about J and where he was... I said I haven't heard from him all i know is He'll call me from some random number. Sure enough the phone rings... and it was some weird 999 number!! I Jumped!!! Its my Baby!!!!!

So Good to hear his voice! I really hate the fact that the next 6 months I will only be able to hear his voice once and a while. but I know I'm Lucky... Its 6 months. Some Military Families have to do 12 to 18 months... I keep telling myself 6 months is nothing!!

He says its all sand and that's it. He's bunking with Noodle and ATL and it was going on 10 pm over there. 7 hours in the future.

Be safe my love!!!

So kiss me and smile for me tell me that you wait for me!!

2009-03-15T23:48:00.000-04:00

My phone rings J's Ring (on his old A school Phone it is "Anchors Away") and when I answer J sings "So kiss me and Smile for me, tell me that you'll wait for me..."

My heart drops.
Departure Day is finally here and almost over.

1 day down!!
How many days left until September Baby?

God please Keep him safe!!
And please bring him home to me!!

Noodle Spoiling My Children??

2009-03-11T14:43:00.000-04:00

J and I talked about plans for Gulfport living last night. He said he needs me to find something solid work wise. He doesn't mind that I may want to be in the restaurant business but he doesn't think that I should keep that job if I move down with him to Mississippi. He thinks that it is OK for Jersey, but he says he's seen guys at the bar down there hang out for hours and leave quarters for a tip upon departure. I assured him I can find something, but I want to stay in the business for a while. It is easier to get a job in it. I also assured him that if I want I can pursue Insurance still. I have a year to test with the Property and Casualty and if I pass within the year I can be licenced and go back into insurance. My only issue with that though is transferring in not that easy. If I am licenced in NJ than I would also have to go through Courses in Miss.

I don't wanna come back from saving the world and have to save the world back home too!! you gotta get your stuff together girl if this move to Mississippi is to run smoothly!
I can't believe I'm talking about This Marriage thing!! Its just not me!! Says J
You could tell what kind of goofy grin was on his lips while he said that.

I asked him a pretty serious question last night. I had actually thought it might have freaked him out, but he said he was fine so I just spit it out. I wanna be a house wife I said... I want to stay home and take care of my kids. I do not look down on families that have their kids in daycare, because that is how they survive and I myself have worked for daycare... I just personally want to stay home with my own. I would have them in part time to learn to be around other children other than their siblings, but other than that I don't wanna miss a step or a beat with my children!! surprisingly he agreed with that, he doesn't want a stranger taking care of his children, he'd rather me do it. I said with your profession, having family there to watch over them would be hard and he said he understood and that he could imagine Uncle Noodle (one of the kids in his unit) watching the kids and bringing them to get ice cream while J and I went out for dinner somewhere and telling them not to tell Daddy he was spoiling them but getting caught with sprinkles on his lips when we got back form our night out. We laughed about it and at the same time felt kinda overwhelmed at the thought that our lives maybe the typical family living one day. a little house with a couple kids, breakfast in the morning, bed time stories at night. WoW!! I was however BEAMING over the conversation. I couldn't wipe the goofy smile off my face after J and I hung up form our 3 hour conversation.

"What did you guys talk about?!" C inquired more than once.
"You'll see in September" I laughed
You guys are going to get married! I know it! C insisted.

Random Picture Challenge

2009-03-08T18:23:00.000-04:00

February 2009
first picture

This is my attempt of taking a good sunset picture out in Pennsy while driving. It didn't work so great. but it still is pretty. :-)

or 1st folder
FIRST picture of something other than your kids!
No worries here I don't have kids YET. :-) one day!!

Boonton Labor Day Fireman's Parade and Carnival fireworks Sunday. I Love this town, their fire department, and I love this weekend! It is so much fun to watch the parade, ride the Ferris wheel, drink hook juice at the beer tent, and watch fireworks.

Link up to 4 little men and girly twins to play.

Not Goodbye, it's See you in September!!

2009-03-05T12:00:00.000-05:00

I was talking to my friend Rick. He's Army and in Fort Bragg, But he has been my rock dealing with this Military relationship stuff. If I have questions I ask him. He doesn't know alot about Navy but he still makes me feel better.
"Jess are you about to have a melt down?! Do I need to call someone??!" He said with a half laugh and more concern.
"No. I'm ok. I'm still down on the Seabee Base right now so I can get my head up fast."
He told me He'll be without his phone for 18 days. If I need to talk call his wife. I promised I would.

One down. We said our "See you in September" to ATL 20 minutes ago. He's headed to the airport to attach with his unit in Kuwait J and Noodle meet them tomorrow. From there they all go their separate ways.

I have to admit that these guys have a very big spot in my heart now! The couple of weekends S and I have spent with them we've all become a little tight knit family. It hasn't even phased me when I was laying in bed soon and they all gathered in mine and J's room to get over to muster. I didn't freak. It was perfectly fine them seeing me half way asleep cuddled up in bed with my hair a mess. I just heard Noodle say "Aw man! I'm so Jealous!" and went back to sleep.

There's battle gear all over the place in our room. Woodland and Coyote camo, jungle and Desert packs. I don't even know where to start to get my stuff outta here. I moved into the hotel. I would stay here forever if it meant I felt close to J. I'm in cadence and camo heaven right now... course soon enough I would have my little realization that J isn't here with me and I'll be sad again.

I'll wait for you Baby!! I promise you I will!!

J got held back because of dentle. He's actually at the dentist right now for the 3rd time in the last 3 days. J was supposed to leave with ATL today. I get a little extra time with him now, but he's gonna be a little cranky when he gets back and then S and I hit the road shortly after. I would do anything to just stay here with him.

My God I can't wait until September!!!

Dear God Keep Him safe.
Be with him and the boys these months ahead!!
Hold my hand through my sleepless nights
and tears I may cry. I promise
I will be as strong as I can but I need a hand!!
I'll send letters and take lots of pictures
spend lots of time watching for him in the sky
and in the summer stars
And when those leaves start to change
Please swiftly bring him back to me!!

Emotions Run High in Southren Miss

2009-03-04T11:16:00.000-05:00

I really need some reassurance today. I know I'm not the only one... but it feels like I am. J and I have had some really serious fun and a bunch of alone time these last couple of days!! He is freaking out a little though. Feeling smothered by me because he is used to being alone. He did a 180 yesterday after his friend left the hotel room. J turned into this cold unemotional say anything to make me unhappy jerk. the bed in this hotel room is tiny and he wouldn't even cuddle with me. I freaked out. My tears don't always make him snap out of his anger... more times than not he gets colder, I think because he assumes I am crying to make him personally feel bad and not because it is just a normal reaction for an over stressed and sad girl.

I've noticed he has gotten this way more times closer to when he has to let me go and maybe he does it because it is easier for him to shut down his emotions so he can feel better. He did it the day before he left for Boot camp, was a jerk to me the day he left, got cold for a short time the day before his family and I were about to leave him after his graduation form RTC and a couple times while he was on leave. this leaving me wondering WTF am I waiting for him....??? but then its over like it never happened...

I cannot make too many excuses for him but I do understand it is because he is scared... but How do I counter act him when his deployment is coming sooooo close. generally I can slow down the reaction by asking him to please consider my feelings and reminding him that it may be extremely hard for him to leave... but I also have a lot to handle with him leaving too... and that I just want to have a good note instead of a bad taste when waiting for him... because it is the only thing I know how to do. I told him, if I lost him I would lose my home... because that is what he is... the say all end all, my heart and my soul belong to him alone. I plead please be gentle.

I may sound crazy here but crazy is how I feel sometimes. If anyone has a similar story or any ideas how I can try to break this so we can have a good last night together please help!!

"With your help,Dear God, I'll try to stay strong...

and pray that his tie here at home will be long.

Still, "I know that the Navy will need him," I sigh

but we'll face it together, Dear Lord, you and I"

I should have time to check it, but if anything it may help me even tomorrow or the next days to come when we have to say our I'll see you in September!

Trip Log

2009-03-03T13:51:00.000-05:00

March 1, 2009 12:35 mileage @ start 174364
little under half tank of gas.
Leave Madison Elks Parking lot on route for Gulfport MS

stop 1: 30miles in @ Lebanon, NJ
$14 to fill the tank and hit the road

mile 17 on 78west a police officer pulls me over for "driving too slow"
"You're lost I'm guessing" he asks along with my License, registration, and Insurance.
We told him we're headed to Mississippi and he let us go.

Around 1:3o am Pennsylvania Welcomed us. Sammie was sleeping.
the sign actually said "welcome to ylvania" it was chopped off for some reason

2nd stop in blinding snow storm Shippensburg, PA 194 miles into the trip.
$10 of gas @ $1.89/gallon
spoke with an Army Guy on his way to Fort Benning for training.
"Keep your head up and your eyes low!" was his message for the boys!

4:38 am Maryland Welcomes us.
not as much snow thank God!!

4:49 am West Virgina Welcomes us

5:13 am Virgina Welcomes us

5:48 am S takes the Wheel.

7am Sheetz stop in Staunton, VA with 368 milage
$10 of gas @ $1.75 a gallon

8:36 am GoMart Salem, VA
initial stop for food... but we filled the tank too
$3.90 worth @ $1.69 per Ga

S is starting to Get Sassy!!
I didn't like her attitude!! lol

11:04 am 602 miles into the trip.
S wanted to look at a map but I said no.
A giant Guitar flippin sweet!
Lets see how long it takes for J to get us lost. Kidding!!
74 miles to Alabama??
Who knows!
We met someone for NJ at the rest stop. Her husband was an aviator in the Navy for 28 years!!
J is a crazy bitch S is J's little girl (She thought she won something there)

11:52am Greenville, Tennessee birthplace of Davey Crockett
Gas stop. 642 miles in

3:15 pm We made it to Georgia.
Sign Read "We're glad you're thinking of us"
Daffodils. tulips, and Killer Tracker Trails welcome us as well!
Along with Blue Skies and Poofy clouds!!!!

2:55 pm Central 888 miles into the trip
"Alabama the beautiful" and the central time zone welcome us
it looks like spring down here!!

S needs to learn how to drive with her knee.
& she is evil because she's making fun of me for being jumpy but I'm tired!!!
It snowed in "Bring em ham"!

5:50 pm stop for gas, oil, and coffee in Prattvillie, Alabama
mileage 1088
I got coffee and the man at the counter said it was free.
"Why?" I inquired.
"because you're in the Navy."
He teased. "I'm not in the Navy my boyfriend is." I giggled.
"We just give the coffee out." he said with a friendly smile.

8:43 pm Mississippi welcomes us @ 1277miles

I Lied

March 1st 2009, 9:02 pm Central Time
Mississippi Welcomes Us!!
Sign reads "Its like Coming home"
1299 miles and 22 hours later we finally made it!

The things we do for love

2009-03-02T12:42:00.000-05:00

J's deployment is coming soon and all too fast. I am very unsure to take it. All I know is that I am extremely thankful for the small (really big) things that we have spoken about these last couple of days. J can be a very unemotional person. I finally got something I needed out of him. He told me he wants to come home and be with me and only me the other day. I was so happy I thought I would die!! REALLY! I dont have to worry that he doesn't want a future with me.

So the things you do for love...

Late Saturday evening I was talking with him while tending bar at the Madison Elks Club and for the sake of "Not Me Monday"

I did not convince J that it would be nice to see him again even if we didn't have a lot of extra time together. I did not jump in the car with S and make our way down to Southern Miss again. We did not put over 1300 miles on my little black Neon and make it here last night around 10ish central time. Nope not me. and I am not sitting on the Gulfport Seabee Base in a Hotel room Posting this.

March 1st 2009, 9:02 pm Central Time
Mississippi Welcomes Us!!
Sign reads "Its like Coming home"
1299 miles and 22 hours later we finally made it!

The Things We do for Love!

ReGrouping In Southern Jersey

2009-02-25T18:13:00.000-05:00

I'm still a mess. I wish I could say I was not... but I am. I decided I would make my home base My Grandparent's place in LEH, NJ. I always find my way home when I come down here. In fact, before I could even drive and barely even ride a bike... I remembered my way to Grandpa's house. It is my favorite place on the face of the planet not only because I can be near my favorite people, but because I can sit outside, smell the salt in the air and listen.... it is so quiet down here that you can hear someone cough on the other side of the lagoon.

Grandpa and Grandma have very open minds and want to hear exactly what is on your mind. As anyone, if they don't agree they will tell you. But for people of their generations there is no gap between our minds. Grandma wants us to go to church more and find our faith, Grandpa wants us to succeed in life... but they both understand that we are free spirited and they encourage us to grow and be honest with them no matter what the issue. Sometimes they are grandparents but the best part about grandparents is that they don't have to act their age and they are really just big kids that have a crazy amount of wisdom and maybe a few wrinkles from having way too much fun in their lives.

S and I aren't the same since our trip to Gulfport.

She came back with a Seabee of her own that is in J's unit. ATL ,as I nicknamed him because I couldn't get any of the kids' names right in New Orleans, is a Crazy SOB with a big heart, short attention span, easily annoyed, trusting of only some people... and totally head over heals for S. I was also calling him "mini-me (J)" the last lap of our trip. "He's not like me" J would Grumble. "oh ya? You weren't like him at 20?" I'd giggle. Funny thing is I can only guess what J was like at 20. I didn't meet him until he was 24 but he's told me lots of stories. So I never called ATL "Mini-me" in Atl's presence though. I didn't want him to assume that he was cool like J or anything ;-)

Point of my ramblings I think though, is because I had such an amazing time out there with him and all his friends reality is very painful now. Nothing feels right being away from him. I don't like feeling this way. It hurts. It hurts in my heart, in my Tummy, in my Eyes... In my head. I feel as if I am whining and complaining and should be stronger and get back to my life! but it sucks. Today is just a bad day right now. I know as soon as I get him on the phone and hear his voice it could be the difference between a smile and tears.

My main concern I think is that J is about to get deployed and I hate it. I have gone through almost every single emotion I think I have these past couple of days. I'm trying to figure out which friends will actually support me and just be there for me when and if I cry. I'm afraid I scared them away when he left for RTC. Now I have 6 months to cry alone and toughen up by myself. I am very frightened about that.

I have this blog which helped me through boot camp... but I don't wanna be the girl who complains that her boyfriend is far away. Tomorrow is another day and my best bet I know is prayers and faith. Less time to think by finding a job and lots of letters and care packages, My CNGs on facebook, thinking to myself that 6 months is NOTHING compared to some of my friends deployments in other branches of the military. I know I can do this with a little faith.

Restless in Pennsy

2009-02-20T10:19:00.000-05:00

The road trip has defiantly led me to ready to run again!! Being on the road makes me free... and since I'm still in my situation in Pennsy / Jersey I wanna get out!! J's deployment is scaring me... I can't have my home because my home is wherever he is. so I still figure I will make my way to Virgina.

Yesterday sucked!! My mother woke me up yelling basically. She wanted her keys back because she doesn't want me to come and go as I please. Says I'm not to come back if I go to Jersey. When she was yelling at me I turned my music up like a disgruntled teenager. She continued to yell. In fact when I had no responce to her yelling she added J into the mix. Said he's using me and I must be an idiot. I would be fine if she didn't attack him. She thinks for some reason he should be sending me money. I don't want him to... If he could he would, but We aren't married yet and he shouldn't have to do that. I'm banking on getting my life on track before he gets home in September. Then we can REALLY know if this will all work out for the best. Till then my heart will be restless. my constant roaming and searching will not sit still.

I'm making my way to Pop Pop's today. His wisdom of years helps me decide what I want to do. If Grandpa doesn't agree with something... I look at it more than twice. His wisdom is worldly to me.

Any way... My question is What do I do??

Still lost... maybe even more than before.

Left My Heart in Southern Miss

2009-02-19T12:39:00.000-05:00

Random Picture Challenge 6

2009-02-19T11:20:00.000-05:00

Random Picture Challenge 6.0

13th picture January 2007

New years Hugs! J & K exchanging happy tidings
2007 was one of those years which promised change!!

link up with 4 little me & girly twins to play

In love with Lei's new Taylor Swift line

2009-02-12T14:20:00.000-05:00

While Doing my taxes (yuck) and Waiting for my Taxes to Be done (double yuck!!) (worst experence ever and i've been going to this certian place for three years now) at Walmart I had the chance to wander around. I fell in love with this section in Walmart with Lei Jeans and to my surprise It belongs to Taylor Swift.

August 07 Brad Paisley Concert Allentown, PA(but we REALLY went for her!!)

I've loved her Music for a while. I've always kinda wished she was popular when I was a teenager so I wouldn't feel goofy for Loving a Teenage song writer at 29. but eh! Who Cares!! I love her Hippie Cowgirl style!!

Can this girl get ANY cooler??

We Love you Taylor!!

Mississippi on my mind

2009-02-12T12:15:00.000-05:00

Miracles do happen!!!
Mississippi here We come!!!!

C bailed and my cousin S jumped on!!! We're leaving tonight!!!!!!!
I think I'm still in Shock!! I think I'm gonna die!!!!

I LOVE IT!!!

We should be in Gulfport by afternoon Tomorrow!!!
WoW!!

I love Valentine's Day this year!! I get to spend it with my SEABEE!!!

Sleepless in PA, Dreaming about Mississippi

2009-02-12T02:49:00.000-05:00

Last week one of J and my friends C made last minute plans to go to visit J is Mississippi. I'll tell ya I am pretty broke, but Spending my last couple hundred to see him one more time (maybe the last before he deploys) would be completely fine to me. I am spontaneous like that I guess... But C is not... At all.
So when J called me up last night freaking out about these plans
"I better find out if this is actually happening" "blah blah"

Me: Love you Baby!

And C gave him the go I decided WoW! this is REALLY happening...

I Can't just assume that anything is ACTUALLY going to happen in my life... I tend to get let down when I rely on other people. so I try not to get to excited about things...

THIS TIME was no exclusion... sadly enough.
C bailed on me around 7:30 ... Said she can't do it because she has a project she has to finish. Re Do actually.

J was excited too... SO now both of us are let down.

so I got 2 issues with doing this by myself:
My Car (I love her but she is not reliable enough to take her cross country)
Me... alone on a drive cross the USA... 20 hours.

Shoot I could try to go it slow... Stop in the Carolinas over night and visit friends and then go from there....
But on a little less than $300 that I have right now it might not work...

Who knows... maybe I'll get a miracle. Maybe Grandma will let me borrow her car.
So Here I am with my restless heart and my Wide Awake Dream of Seeing Gulfport With my Seabee!!

Random Picture Challenge 5

2009-02-11T12:06:00.000-05:00

March
2008
5th picture from the end

Easter 2008

This is my Cousin Mahlon on Easter 08.
William the crazy 11 year old he was took my camera.
I think Mahlon got agitated with him.

10th picture folder
( in 2008 is Joey 08)
5th picture from the end

New Years Eve With my Girl Jo
We brought the 2009 in with Her sister, Sister's Fiance, Cousins and Nephew.
I was Lucky to Have her Home from Colorado this year!!

link Up here to play the game with 4 Little men and girly twins.