Does Grandpa think I'm unrealistic?

Thursday morning right before Tara ran down the stairs and woke me up I was in the middle of a dream.

My Grandfather (the one who passed)
handed me a piece of light blue paper with navy blue and sparkle splashed trim that read is white letters;

"You may say that I'm a dreamer

But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will live as one."

"Who wrote this?" inquired Grandpa

The question was in my head when Tara ran down her hard wood stairs in heels.
"Who wrote this? Who wrote this?" and I started singing the song in my head.

Duh! John Lennon! But why is my Grandpa asking me this is a dream?

That's the thing about dreams; they are encrypted.

Later that morning my friend L from Charlottesville, VA contacted me via Facebook to let me know that she had not only found me a place to live, but also a possible job at a bar in town. Was Grandpa pointing me towards Virgina to flee to a fresh new life? Only thing is Grandpa was always a realist. Him showing himself to me for the first time in 2 & 1/2 years is strange to me. I fear he is calling me a "dreamer" and that my thoughts of Gypsy Living are unrealistic. That running from my life is less than realist and I should just relax and try to fight for my roots in NJ or try to get closer to my Grandmother in Iowa. He may know more than I that I have a foundation to uphold right here in this Garden State.

Do I?
I am confused now more than ever.

Gypsy Living

No matter how dark the night, somehow the sun rises once again and all shadows are chased away ~ David Matthew

I have no ties to Jersey...

J left Thursday... On that last note I tried to get him to talk about "our future" and he got annoyed... He says its up to me if I wait and I said it's not a problem if he can tell me we have a life in the future to look forward to. He said he doesn't even know where he will be or if he'll be coming back... and he isn't even sure if "we" have a future.
J is scared of deployment... REALLY scared... and now he's trying to scare me away because he thinks that if he doesn't have to worry about me he would feel better... at least that is my guess... because I know he wants a future with me.
yet the next day its like it never happened... hugs and kisses and all!!
J has kept me tied to NJ for the longest... He's not here... and We aren't getting married and we are almost kind of up in the air...


My mom and Dad (who live in different places) are currently driving me crazy... One minute its ok for me to live with my mom and the next minute she is shutting down her home and living with her boyfriend (this is crazy in itself ) so I cannot count on her.
My father is living in a mountain of STUFF... It urks me to even be around his place... let alone he won't turn the heat on because he can't afford it and my brother lives with him and I cannot have a conversation with my brother because he has all these awful things against me...

My uncle and his family have been completely hospitable. Amazingly. I feel like I've been here too long and I don't have any options left right now...

I texted my friend on a whim and asked her if she knew anyone who would be up for putting up a Jersey couch surfer in Charlottesville, Virgina. L called me back and we talked for about an hour. I need a change... a BIG change... L said she would help me look into it. The restaurant industry is booming and so is the music. She thinks I'll fit in magically and she is asking around trying to get the ball rolling.

It's funny this whole no ties thing works strangly.

I told my Seabee, J : "When are you going to settle down?"
Me: "Well Baby what should I do? I have no ties around here... and you aren't here so why the heck should I settle down?"
J : "Your like a Gypsy with all these people you know everywhere."

I would die to grow roots somewhere and grow... but I don't know how to do that right now.
it hurts to be away from J & it hurts to be in Jersey.

Who knows what the next week will bring. Just hope it brings me well.