Comfort Foods and Places For Twisted J

These are all the things that make me happy when I'm feeling blue. I am a comfort food baby. Simple Pleasures for a Twisted Jessica. If I crave my Comfort cure I will not be happy until I get it and when I do I'm as happy as a clam*.


Baileys Irish Cream:
My love for the cold Winter days. In my Hot Coffee for snow storms, First drink for Morristown St. Patrick's Day Parade Day, and a wonderful pick me up for hangover afternoons. In my Hot Chocolate during November and December for the Holiday Season, and I've learned it is fantastic in Dunkin Donuts Ice coffee for summertime, and I love it on the rocks too!!

Dunkin Donuts & CVS:
My boyfriend S teases me about CVS because I will bypass any other pharmacy just to go there. When I'm at Grandmom and Grandpop's in Mystic Island, NJ I will drive to Long Beach Island just to go to CVS which is 15 - 20 minutes away from their house off or Radio Road. I've found a CVS in every town I have been too from Broadheadsville, PA, to Gulfport, MS, and even up here in Salem, MA and I love it. CVS spells Home to me. and my Home CVS is in Chatham, NJ.

Dunkin Donuts:
A special treat that I overindulge constantly. Another thing S has pointed out is a Landmark my towns by Dunkin Donuts locations. Coffee itself is my savior...
C once explained to a friend "Jess is seriously the only stereotypical coffee drinker I know! She can not function in the morning until she has her first cup."
So not so much the hot coffee with D&Ds, but Iced Coffee is the love of my life!
When I'm depressed, homesick, PMSing; D&D's Ice coffee.
When I'm hungover; D&D's Ice coffee.
Road trip: D&D's Ice coffee
When I had Strep D&D's Ice coffee
When I've been working the bar all day Wild guess: Yup! D&D's Ice coffee
and All summer long; D&D's Ice coffee

Boyfriend S introduced me to a couple very yummy Dunkin Donuts combination for our road trip this past October; Said it was his friend Drunk Boy's favorite; Half hazelnut coffee half hot chocolate. OMG drunk boy! it was fantastic! Best Fall road trip pick me up EVER!! I L O V E it!!

I've about summed up Hot Chocolate too... I do drink it without Baileys all the time. My favorite is when its made with milk, but I love it anyway its made with and without whipped cream and marshmellows. I love Chocolate milk too. Had a glass yesterday. I'm PMS girl right now!

Tuna fish:
Don't know what it is, but Tuna fish sandwiches make me happy. I crave them mostly when I'm hungover. or when I'm sad. Must be because Grandma Marie made Tuna fish all the time and I had plenty of them in my brown paper bag lunches growing up. best with potato bread, American cheese, & lettuce. Love it as a tuna melt with tomato soup!

Kraft Yellow American Cheese Singles, Potato Bread, & Cambell's Tomato Soup:
Best Oohy Gooey Grilled Cheese and tomato soup ever!! My Favorite combo.

I love cheese and any cheese will do but I will literally crave Kraft Yellow American Cheese Singles and eat them as a snack. I'd chose them over a potato chip any day or even a chocolate chip cookie. They must be yellow... not white.

Potato bread is just the best bread ever for sandwiches. I love bread and I love Sandwiches but sometimes it must be Potato bread!!

Tomato soup: I love it. It doesn't have to be Cambell's but Cambell's is my favorite pick for the best Grilled cheese and tomato soup combo ever!!


Finally Frozen Sweet Peas:
Dunno where I picked this up... But I did and I love it. I think it's another Grandpa thing. Grandpa C gave me lots of comfort food. I would go to the freezer in the utility room (a.k.a. basement, storage, room next to the garage with a back door) grab a bag of frozen peas and chow down on them with a little butter. Weird yes... because I know one person who does it and that's Aunt Cyndi and we didn't even know each other until July 2009. My two old roommates from Boonton Ave would always yell at me cause when they were sweeping they knew when I was into them. little shriveled up peas in the corners of the kitchen (lol!!) Sorry CQ and H!! The peas actually taste good frozen too... sweeter than when cooked. I put them in my pasta dishes all the time. Cold or Hot pastas. Yup! I'm weird... but who cares cause it makes me happy!

Above: my main and most craved comforting foods and places.

I crave other things too but not nearly as much as the ones above. Hot dogs microwaved, Pasta Salad, Tomatoes; Particularly Jersey beefsteak tomatoes, so sweet I eat them like apples, baloney, Apples and Peanut butter (must be crunchy for the best), Nuts, raisins, trail mix, pasta with white clam sauce, pasta with pink sauce and peas, Macaroni and Cheese, zucchini, potato leek soup, Onion rings with Russian dressing, Garden Salads, Asparagus, and sometimes... sardines and or pickled herring.



"Happy as a Clam"

* "As a simile, happy as a clam, when applied to people, means they feel a special safety or security. Things are well in the world and danger is, for the moment, at a safe distance. The clamshell contains the person well, providing safety, and a virtually uncrackable hardness. As Saxe writes in his last line of his sonnet: “thy case is shocking hard!”

July Good and Bad

Why does July suck?
It has not always been the case, but for the last 3 years its been the worst month of the year. I look forward to July 4th, Our Nation's very important Birthday, and Independence Day! but that is about it...

July has given and taken from me very important people in my life;
Grandpa's Birthday, July 7th taken July 17
Jayson Conrad's Birthday July 21st taken the same day
J left for the Navy July 11th this is the second July I have been waiting for him

3 years of Julys I cannot wait to be over.
It seems that July brings sleepless nights for me, and this has been years and years happens all the time. but I think its just the season change and the long days that confuse my internal clock.

Good things do happen in July, I met J in July of 2004 and that was a wonderful summer.
J's birthday is July 25th

And His joining the Navy last July has been a wonderful thing. I have never been so proud and honored to know him. I have always loved him more than the world, but The Navy has molded him into a fantastic person. giving him pride and honor for himself.



This July has given my Cousin Jessie a beautiful Baby girl, July 10th 2009 Sophia was born, bringing a sense of hope to the family as this family has had a long and grueling year because our grandmother was ill.



Thanks to many prayers and wonderful family support, Grandma Maryann has been feeling much better and much more well. Well enough to make it to Jessie's baby shower and actually was on her way with Jessie's mother, Debbie to visit and had to turn around and go to the hospital for Sophia's birth.

Jessie's fiance Mike's birthday is July 11th.








My brother Kenny has had lots of bad luck this month and I am praying that he gets out of it and finds his way.

This past weekend Grandpa John and Grandma Maryann's roof was in the process of being repaired. Another good thing to come from July.

In closing, July is one crazy month and I cannot wait until it is over, But it has molded mine and others' characters. with out trials we would have no better days to look forward to. and without trials would have no tributes to work hard for.

Happy Birthday to Grandpa

7/7/1925 - 7/17/2006

You went to a better place 3 years ago, but we miss you still,We love you, I miss you so!

Grandpa,
"If tears could build a stairway, and memories a lane, I'd walk right up to heaven and bring you home again."

Happy Birthday up there in heaven, I know your there watching over us!

Taking on too much in my head part I

With Everything that is going on right now I seem to think I need to do it all... But in the process I get NOTHING done. I just sit here and worry about what is going on unable to get up and do...

J is in Djibouti, All I can do is wait for him to come home... Wait on phone calls and wait for him to propose... The waiting is ok.
Things I can do for him;
Send packages, Mail, Be proud of him and love him.

Grandmom Maryann had Hospice come on Sunday...
Things I can do for Grandmom;
Love her, respect her wishes, be happy that I had the pleasure of a wonderful woman to touch my life and the lives of our family. Send cards and pictures and continue to be updated so I can pass the word to the rest of the family.

Grandpa John is struggling with Grandmom's Cancer. He is scared, and we are all worried about him too. Grandmom Maryann is his wife, his true love, his best friend, and his soul mate. He is an 87 year old, retired WWII special ops army Vet, Fisherman, Loving Grandfather with many stories and a walking family historian. His main concerns these days are how to take Grandmom's illness, Always thinking that he would have gone before Grandmom, and checking up on J because Grandpa does not believe J is going to marry me. Convincing him otherwise seemed to be my main concern pior to Grandmom's heath change these last couple weeks. Grandpop John is a stubbrun man. He gets annoyed that he has to use hearing aides to hear better, and that he is not as limber as he was not 3-4 years ago. He still loves Chopping wood, tending to the docks and boats in his backyard, doing the crossword puzzle, routing for the Philidelphia Phillies and Eagles, and spending lots of prescious time with his ever growing and already huge family.

Sam is nuts but she will do what she will do. She's just a kid.
(sorry if your not happy about my post if you are reading this Sam)

Things I can do for Sam;
Love her, Remind her that she is part of this family too. Stop Questioning her intentions with Romeo. Just try to guide her and remind her that life is what it is. Running away is not the best option and stop worrying about Mississippi. She doesn't care to take an example form me who admits that at this point in my life running gave me nothing to show for except for memories, stories and pictures. She'll learn the hard way. All I can truely say is if someone reminded me that leaving would hurt before I actually went I would have stayed and maned up. Aploigies do not mean defeat, and the family loves unconditionally.

Grandma Marie is in Iowa and getting taken care of very well. I have stopped worrying about her distance and continue to write her and send pictures. Aunt Ginger says she loves my letters and that is the best I can do for her right now until I can visit her in Iowa and Give her hugs in person. Grandma Marie knows how much I love her dearly and I can never stress enough how much I am thankful and grateful for the life she gave me when Grandpa Cal was alive and Grandma and him lived in New Jersey.


My mother has not apoligized for the awful things she said to me and as much as it annoyes me, She never will. I was unable to accept that she says things and then forgets them just as fast as an excuse. She is just as thick headed and stubburn as Her father and I am way more forgiving than she is. She just acts like it never happened and to her the hurtful things will only be brought up again when she is either ill, or defending herself (she will bring up the past 30 years of hurt everytime she gets upset. its just her way and there is nothing to change it. I am thankful to say she is the only one in this family that does this anymore.) I give it up... I am just going to pretend it didn't happen too and move on.
My mother has asked me to be her Maid of Honor for her wedding in June. She is marrying Tony. Tony is a good guy. Maybe the best for her these days. He has made her very happy and will continue because making her happy is something he is very good at! I am thankful that Tony is in my mother's life. Because of her plans for a wedding, Mom has rekindled her friendship with her Brother and his wife (Aunt Frannie and Uncle Chris) or at least is attempting to forgive again without saying she's sorry for the awful things she said to them or the grudges that will again be unearthed when she gets upset with the world again.

Things I can do for Mom;
Let go of the past, let her be happy, Love her, hope she will not unearth every painful moment in her last 30 years once again. Ecept her for who she is. Be happy she is happy. Be thank ful for Tony being in her life.

Random Picture Challenge

.July 2004.

or

.7th folder closest year.

.22nd picture.

This is William and Grandpop at Samantha's sweet 16 , March of 2005

ReGrouping In Southern Jersey

I'm still a mess. I wish I could say I was not... but I am. I decided I would make my home base My Grandparent's place in LEH, NJ. I always find my way home when I come down here. In fact, before I could even drive and barely even ride a bike... I remembered my way to Grandpa's house. It is my favorite place on the face of the planet not only because I can be near my favorite people, but because I can sit outside, smell the salt in the air and listen.... it is so quiet down here that you can hear someone cough on the other side of the lagoon.



Grandpa and Grandma have very open minds and want to hear exactly what is on your mind. As anyone, if they don't agree they will tell you. But for people of their generations there is no gap between our minds. Grandma wants us to go to church more and find our faith, Grandpa wants us to succeed in life... but they both understand that we are free spirited and they encourage us to grow and be honest with them no matter what the issue. Sometimes they are grandparents but the best part about grandparents is that they don't have to act their age and they are really just big kids that have a crazy amount of wisdom and maybe a few wrinkles from having way too much fun in their lives.

S and I aren't the same since our trip to Gulfport.



She came back with a Seabee of her own that is in J's unit. ATL ,as I nicknamed him because I couldn't get any of the kids' names right in New Orleans, is a Crazy SOB with a big heart, short attention span, easily annoyed, trusting of only some people... and totally head over heals for S. I was also calling him "mini-me (J)" the last lap of our trip. "He's not like me" J would Grumble. "oh ya? You weren't like him at 20?" I'd giggle. Funny thing is I can only guess what J was like at 20. I didn't meet him until he was 24 but he's told me lots of stories. So I never called ATL "Mini-me" in Atl's presence though. I didn't want him to assume that he was cool like J or anything ;-)

Point of my ramblings I think though, is because I had such an amazing time out there with him and all his friends reality is very painful now. Nothing feels right being away from him. I don't like feeling this way. It hurts. It hurts in my heart, in my Tummy, in my Eyes... In my head. I feel as if I am whining and complaining and should be stronger and get back to my life! but it sucks. Today is just a bad day right now. I know as soon as I get him on the phone and hear his voice it could be the difference between a smile and tears.





My main concern I think is that J is about to get deployed and I hate it. I have gone through almost every single emotion I think I have these past couple of days. I'm trying to figure out which friends will actually support me and just be there for me when and if I cry. I'm afraid I scared them away when he left for RTC. Now I have 6 months to cry alone and toughen up by myself. I am very frightened about that.



I have this blog which helped me through boot camp... but I don't wanna be the girl who complains that her boyfriend is far away. Tomorrow is another day and my best bet I know is prayers and faith. Less time to think by finding a job and lots of letters and care packages, My CNGs on facebook, thinking to myself that 6 months is NOTHING compared to some of my friends deployments in other branches of the military. I know I can do this with a little faith.

Does Grandpa think I'm unrealistic?

Thursday morning right before Tara ran down the stairs and woke me up I was in the middle of a dream.

My Grandfather (the one who passed)
handed me a piece of light blue paper with navy blue and sparkle splashed trim that read is white letters;

"You may say that I'm a dreamer

But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will live as one."

"Who wrote this?" inquired Grandpa

The question was in my head when Tara ran down her hard wood stairs in heels.
"Who wrote this? Who wrote this?" and I started singing the song in my head.

Duh! John Lennon! But why is my Grandpa asking me this is a dream?

That's the thing about dreams; they are encrypted.

Later that morning my friend L from Charlottesville, VA contacted me via Facebook to let me know that she had not only found me a place to live, but also a possible job at a bar in town. Was Grandpa pointing me towards Virgina to flee to a fresh new life? Only thing is Grandpa was always a realist. Him showing himself to me for the first time in 2 & 1/2 years is strange to me. I fear he is calling me a "dreamer" and that my thoughts of Gypsy Living are unrealistic. That running from my life is less than realist and I should just relax and try to fight for my roots in NJ or try to get closer to my Grandmother in Iowa. He may know more than I that I have a foundation to uphold right here in this Garden State.

Do I?
I am confused now more than ever.

Picture Tag

Make Mine a Mojito is playing picture tag and She tagged anyone who wanted to play.

The rules are:

1. Go to the 4th folder where you keep your pictures on your computer.

2. Post the 4th picture in the folder

3. Explain the photo.

4. Tag 4 fellow bloggers to join in the fun!

4th folder
"Old Family Photos"

WWII B-26 Martin Marauders planes


My Grandpa C was a navigator/bomb in the Unites States Air Force in WWII.
This picture was shot in action.
I have such a respect for this generation!! Grandpa Lied about his age and joined the service to fight the war and fight for his country. I wish I could explain further into this picture... but I wasn't there.

The song "In Color" By Jamey Johnson comes to mind and explains it the best.

I would love to be able to see what its like "in color"

I'll tag Dreaming of a White Christmas, Married to the Military, and First Comes Love, Then Comes Marriage. I know you girls Check up on me and this is fun!!

A Thanksgiving Tradition of Thankyou.

Thankyou’s are not always remembered as we run on by in our daily lives so it is very important that we stop and remind ourselves and the people around us what we are thankful for. A long time family Tradition on Thanksgiving at Grandpa L & Grandmom Maryanne’s home is not only good food and good family fun. It also consists of writing down what we are thankful for and reading our thanks at the dinner table. I think My Aunt Debbie started it, and when the night is over she takes them home and saves them in a scrape book for our future selves and our kids’ kids to read. This year we will not be at Grandpa and Grandmom’s home due to health complications but I would still like the carry on the tradition and send Grandmom and Grandpa our what I am thankful for”’s.


I am thankful for my family and how loving, supportive, and close we have all become. I am not only grateful but also honored to have the friends and family I have in my life. I appreciate the fact that I have the pleasure still at 29 years if age that lots of people even younger than I am do not have; to have my grandparents around so I can call them up and tell them I love them or take a day and visit just for a hug. I am grateful that even though they say you can never change a man that a man can change and be the man I had hoped he would be years before. I am thankful for God, my country and the love that surrounds us all. It is good to be thankful not only today but all year round.

My Grandfather still defines Faith even though he left us in 2006

Today like most Sundays this month I made it to church. I made it to the eleven o’clock service this time, which was Grandma and Grandpa’s usual service. It’s quieter and there is an elder crowd than the 9 am service. Odd thing though today, I was not alone in the pew, I grabbed a bulletin and sat down, I had actually taken two. So I think Grandpa was sitting beside me at the service today.

After the service a couple of folks recognized me and said hello to me. The ones who did not asked my name. “My name is Jessica”, I told them. “I’m Cal and Marie’s granddaughter.” They were so happy to see me and had questions about Grandma. One man came up and said “You are talking to a Coats. Her grandfather was a fantastic man; he in himself was the definition of faith!” He exclaimed. I thanked him through some tears. I was so honored that I was from the same family of a man that is spoken so highly of especially from some folks that I am not really sure who they are. I am sure I will learn everyone’s names soon again but I could not remember them now. She told me that when she became a member of the church that Grandma and Grandpa showed her the ropes. He had helped her a lot. I left there this afternoon so proud and honored by the words of these folks. I would love to be just like Grandpa. In many ways I am, but he moved so many people and so many lives that his reputation precedes him. Anyone who knew his has fantastic things to say about him not just in the church, but in the community and in the Masonic world as well. His work is still being done and he left us the summer of 2006. I can only hope to be half as good as my Grandpa. It is such an honor to think of him these days and this day in particular.

Today we also had Communion. One more memory I have to share about my church and Grandparents is one about Holy Communion. Grandma used to do the flowers in the back. Every Sunday that church did communion Grandma would come home with the leftover bread and grape juice. That was always a nice treat. I always felt a little silly that we had the body and blood of Christ in our refrigerator but it was always really yummy. Also the smell of fresh cut flowers in the back room and the coffee cans that were piled in Grandma’s house so she could put the flowers and Grandpa could run them to the people that they were set aside for after the service.

My grandparents were very special to the church and they are so loved there and very much missed. I can only hope to be that strongly connected to my faith and my church family. I am working on it. It is week 4 now and I have not missed a service. I love getting back to my roots it feels good.
~ JLC