Neon Troubles and ♥Friend Feed Back

Yesterday my Neon overheats on the bridge turning right on to Bridge Street, put the hazards on and the lady behind me has her Van angled looked like she was ready to cut me off on the right is flipping me off because I wave her around. She's cursing me for two lights when she finally gets the idea to pull around me, Then she gives me a dirty look as she passes my over heated car. Sorry Lady My car stopped right in front of your car just to ruin YOUR morning!

This is what my friends thought about it when I posted on Facebook.

Yesterday at 9:43am Only Friends · Comment · View Feedback (6)Hide Feedback (6)

Massholes.

Yesterday at 10:11am ·

People are just sooo self centered. I guess the idea to ask you whether you would need help did not come to her mind. I have a Neon. So I guess once this piece of shit stops I am prepared for the worse.

Yesterday at 10:12am ·

what a bitch! hope you get your car fixed! =(

Yesterday at 10:18am ·

I would have asked if she needed help. 2 guys helped push neon around the bend. Every jerk has a good person to make up for the idiots of humanity. Neon's ok for now. But her clock is ticking.

Yesterday at 10:28am ·

Jess, I would've gotten out of the car and taken a shit on her windshield...but that's just me.

Yesterday at 10:51am ·

♥ lol! I love my friends!! ♥♥♥

Thank God there are some decent people around here two guys hopped out of their truck and pushed me around the bend. yay for A J Wood Construction. I have to write them a thank you note! Uncle O helped me figure out the problem later on in the morning. I did not run the car when I put Antifreeze in it. Bad Bad Bad. So Neon is a live and well and no longer overheating now. Sweet!!

Now for the Car Trouble annoying the heck out of me. I really need a break A trip to NJ so I can clear my head and realize that I don't belong there, but because That became not an option with the car over heating and the radiator steaming I will not be able to drive to Jersey as much as I want. so Now it looks like I have new things to add to my list, like Car? Truck? Wish me Luck. and I ♥ my Neon! I REALLY don't wanna give her up. I may have to and it hurts my feelings. :-(

I will not search. What will be will be

New Idea for me.

I always long for starting a family and finding a home.... One where I can actually say HOME, "I'm going Home" and it actually is a home: A house that my family is in. MY family. Well, I give up. It seems the more I long for it, the longer it takes. It's like longing to find love. My biggest advice is Don't look for it. Have the time of your life and it will fall in your lap when you least expect it. Well here we go... I'm taking my own advice for once. I will have the time of my life. I'm not searching for it. I'm not longing for either one anymore. I'm going to live my life and when it happens to fall into my lap I will thank God for it. Until then... I will not worry about it passing me by because you can't pass by something like this... God has his reasons and everything happens for a reason. If it is meant to be it will be...

Temporary Home

Justin and I have knew each other when we were young and our mothers were in beauty school together. Our mothers' lost touch and our lives moved into different places. About a year ago we re-met in Pennsy. It was really cool. He's on the right.

Justin

:(

u in mass still?

7:47pmJessica

ya.

i love and hate that too... I got some serious winter blues

7:48pm Justin

u can trade in ur car.

u dont like mass so much any more?

7:49pmJessica

its alright. just too freakin cold

7:49pmJustin

lol at least u have snow tho. cold without snow is like... a whore with... no... pimp?...

7:50pmJessica

and i dunno i'm back and forth with the homesickness. not so much for the place home but the family and friends home

7:50pmJustin

i know what you mean

i havent felt 'home' in a long time

7:50pmJessica

ya i got plenty of snow

7:51pmJessica

aw i'm sorry! I mean i feel at home but its an odd feeling too me cause its just so bumpy i dunno...

7:52pmJustin

its fine, i'll find it one day. i think i understand what you mean tho

7:54pmJessica

you might. but Its not a good feeling so I don't wish that ya do

7:55pmJessica

besides its strange like if i feel too at home i kinda freak out... its like pushing away someone you love because you don't know any better

7:55pmJustin

i'd heard it said before that once you move away when you grow up, you never do find home again. nothing ever will feel like it.. you make your own eventually

but its never the same

heh, come to think of it, i think that was from the movie Garden State

7:56pmJessica

good way to look at it though the search is hard

7:58pmJustin

ah, found it.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0333766/quotes

the third set of quotes down

8:02pmJessica

*sigh*

Shortly after Justin and My conversation I heard Carrie Underwood's new song "Temporary Home". It was fitting for the conversation and slightly ironic.

Trip Log

March 1, 2009 12:35 mileage @ start 174364
little under half tank of gas.
Leave Madison Elks Parking lot on route for Gulfport MS

stop 1: 30miles in @ Lebanon, NJ
$14 to fill the tank and hit the road

mile 17 on 78west a police officer pulls me over for "driving too slow"
"You're lost I'm guessing" he asks along with my License, registration, and Insurance.
We told him we're headed to Mississippi and he let us go.

Around 1:3o am Pennsylvania Welcomed us. Sammie was sleeping.
the sign actually said "welcome to ylvania" it was chopped off for some reason



2nd stop in blinding snow storm Shippensburg, PA 194 miles into the trip.
$10 of gas @ $1.89/gallon
spoke with an Army Guy on his way to Fort Benning for training.
"Keep your head up and your eyes low!" was his message for the boys!

4:38 am Maryland Welcomes us.
not as much snow thank God!!

4:49 am West Virgina Welcomes us

5:13 am Virgina Welcomes us

5:48 am S takes the Wheel.

7am Sheetz stop in Staunton, VA with 368 milage
$10 of gas @ $1.75 a gallon

8:36 am GoMart Salem, VA
initial stop for food... but we filled the tank too
$3.90 worth @ $1.69 per Ga

S is starting to Get Sassy!!
I didn't like her attitude!! lol

11:04 am 602 miles into the trip.
S wanted to look at a map but I said no.
A giant Guitar flippin sweet!
Lets see how long it takes for J to get us lost. Kidding!!
74 miles to Alabama??
Who knows!
We met someone for NJ at the rest stop. Her husband was an aviator in the Navy for 28 years!!
J is a crazy bitch S is J's little girl (She thought she won something there)



11:52am Greenville, Tennessee birthplace of Davey Crockett
Gas stop. 642 miles in

3:15 pm We made it to Georgia.
Sign Read "We're glad you're thinking of us"
Daffodils. tulips, and Killer Tracker Trails welcome us as well!
Along with Blue Skies and Poofy clouds!!!!



2:55 pm Central 888 miles into the trip
"Alabama the beautiful" and the central time zone welcome us
it looks like spring down here!!

S needs to learn how to drive with her knee.
& she is evil because she's making fun of me for being jumpy but I'm tired!!!
It snowed in "Bring em ham"!

5:50 pm stop for gas, oil, and coffee in Prattvillie, Alabama
mileage 1088
I got coffee and the man at the counter said it was free.
"Why?" I inquired.
"because you're in the Navy."
He teased. "I'm not in the Navy my boyfriend is." I giggled.
"We just give the coffee out." he said with a friendly smile.

8:43 pm Mississippi welcomes us @ 1277miles

I Lied

March 1st 2009, 9:02 pm Central Time
Mississippi Welcomes Us!!
Sign reads "Its like Coming home"
1299 miles and 22 hours later we finally made it!

ReGrouping In Southern Jersey

I'm still a mess. I wish I could say I was not... but I am. I decided I would make my home base My Grandparent's place in LEH, NJ. I always find my way home when I come down here. In fact, before I could even drive and barely even ride a bike... I remembered my way to Grandpa's house. It is my favorite place on the face of the planet not only because I can be near my favorite people, but because I can sit outside, smell the salt in the air and listen.... it is so quiet down here that you can hear someone cough on the other side of the lagoon.



Grandpa and Grandma have very open minds and want to hear exactly what is on your mind. As anyone, if they don't agree they will tell you. But for people of their generations there is no gap between our minds. Grandma wants us to go to church more and find our faith, Grandpa wants us to succeed in life... but they both understand that we are free spirited and they encourage us to grow and be honest with them no matter what the issue. Sometimes they are grandparents but the best part about grandparents is that they don't have to act their age and they are really just big kids that have a crazy amount of wisdom and maybe a few wrinkles from having way too much fun in their lives.

S and I aren't the same since our trip to Gulfport.



She came back with a Seabee of her own that is in J's unit. ATL ,as I nicknamed him because I couldn't get any of the kids' names right in New Orleans, is a Crazy SOB with a big heart, short attention span, easily annoyed, trusting of only some people... and totally head over heals for S. I was also calling him "mini-me (J)" the last lap of our trip. "He's not like me" J would Grumble. "oh ya? You weren't like him at 20?" I'd giggle. Funny thing is I can only guess what J was like at 20. I didn't meet him until he was 24 but he's told me lots of stories. So I never called ATL "Mini-me" in Atl's presence though. I didn't want him to assume that he was cool like J or anything ;-)

Point of my ramblings I think though, is because I had such an amazing time out there with him and all his friends reality is very painful now. Nothing feels right being away from him. I don't like feeling this way. It hurts. It hurts in my heart, in my Tummy, in my Eyes... In my head. I feel as if I am whining and complaining and should be stronger and get back to my life! but it sucks. Today is just a bad day right now. I know as soon as I get him on the phone and hear his voice it could be the difference between a smile and tears.





My main concern I think is that J is about to get deployed and I hate it. I have gone through almost every single emotion I think I have these past couple of days. I'm trying to figure out which friends will actually support me and just be there for me when and if I cry. I'm afraid I scared them away when he left for RTC. Now I have 6 months to cry alone and toughen up by myself. I am very frightened about that.



I have this blog which helped me through boot camp... but I don't wanna be the girl who complains that her boyfriend is far away. Tomorrow is another day and my best bet I know is prayers and faith. Less time to think by finding a job and lots of letters and care packages, My CNGs on facebook, thinking to myself that 6 months is NOTHING compared to some of my friends deployments in other branches of the military. I know I can do this with a little faith.

Does Grandpa think I'm unrealistic?

Thursday morning right before Tara ran down the stairs and woke me up I was in the middle of a dream.

My Grandfather (the one who passed)
handed me a piece of light blue paper with navy blue and sparkle splashed trim that read is white letters;

"You may say that I'm a dreamer

But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will live as one."

"Who wrote this?" inquired Grandpa

The question was in my head when Tara ran down her hard wood stairs in heels.
"Who wrote this? Who wrote this?" and I started singing the song in my head.

Duh! John Lennon! But why is my Grandpa asking me this is a dream?

That's the thing about dreams; they are encrypted.

Later that morning my friend L from Charlottesville, VA contacted me via Facebook to let me know that she had not only found me a place to live, but also a possible job at a bar in town. Was Grandpa pointing me towards Virgina to flee to a fresh new life? Only thing is Grandpa was always a realist. Him showing himself to me for the first time in 2 & 1/2 years is strange to me. I fear he is calling me a "dreamer" and that my thoughts of Gypsy Living are unrealistic. That running from my life is less than realist and I should just relax and try to fight for my roots in NJ or try to get closer to my Grandmother in Iowa. He may know more than I that I have a foundation to uphold right here in this Garden State.

Do I?
I am confused now more than ever.

Gypsy Living

No matter how dark the night, somehow the sun rises once again and all shadows are chased away ~ David Matthew

I have no ties to Jersey...

J left Thursday... On that last note I tried to get him to talk about "our future" and he got annoyed... He says its up to me if I wait and I said it's not a problem if he can tell me we have a life in the future to look forward to. He said he doesn't even know where he will be or if he'll be coming back... and he isn't even sure if "we" have a future.
J is scared of deployment... REALLY scared... and now he's trying to scare me away because he thinks that if he doesn't have to worry about me he would feel better... at least that is my guess... because I know he wants a future with me.
yet the next day its like it never happened... hugs and kisses and all!!
J has kept me tied to NJ for the longest... He's not here... and We aren't getting married and we are almost kind of up in the air...


My mom and Dad (who live in different places) are currently driving me crazy... One minute its ok for me to live with my mom and the next minute she is shutting down her home and living with her boyfriend (this is crazy in itself ) so I cannot count on her.
My father is living in a mountain of STUFF... It urks me to even be around his place... let alone he won't turn the heat on because he can't afford it and my brother lives with him and I cannot have a conversation with my brother because he has all these awful things against me...

My uncle and his family have been completely hospitable. Amazingly. I feel like I've been here too long and I don't have any options left right now...

I texted my friend on a whim and asked her if she knew anyone who would be up for putting up a Jersey couch surfer in Charlottesville, Virgina. L called me back and we talked for about an hour. I need a change... a BIG change... L said she would help me look into it. The restaurant industry is booming and so is the music. She thinks I'll fit in magically and she is asking around trying to get the ball rolling.

It's funny this whole no ties thing works strangly.

I told my Seabee, J : "When are you going to settle down?"
Me: "Well Baby what should I do? I have no ties around here... and you aren't here so why the heck should I settle down?"
J : "Your like a Gypsy with all these people you know everywhere."

I would die to grow roots somewhere and grow... but I don't know how to do that right now.
it hurts to be away from J & it hurts to be in Jersey.

Who knows what the next week will bring. Just hope it brings me well.

Shock is wearing off

yesterday I started to realize that J was no longer in NJ.

It's hard to see him so far away. :(

it's also hard that my civilian friends seem to have completely ignore me in my time of need... I think they got tired of hearing me cry when J left for boot camp. I don't blame them too much. They have their own lives to deal with right now... but it stinks. besides I also don't blame them because all they would have said to me was "I dunno how you do it." or "You chose to date him when you knew he was leaving so you shouldn't be upset." (then I would have been REALLY pissed)

I have my CNGs on Facebook though. They have been keeping me tough!! And
I'm lucky, the last couple of days J's A school buddy has helped me keep my mind off J being gone. N lives 5 minutes from my Uncle's house and I retreated up here on Thursday a couple hours after I woke up. I would not have been able to deal with my Jersey friends as bad as that sounds. N is a true friend of J's. I think J trusts him more than his friends at home.

N says "that's what Seabees do. Take care of our own and their families!"


Baby:

You're there, I'm here.............
We have a problem

Where's the sun?

This is totally random, but I've noticed that the sun hasn't been out in NJ or PA since November 4th. I'm waiting for it! I wanna see if my sun glasses look good with my new haircut.