How many times does a relationship have to succeed? How many times can the bad out weigh the good? How many times can one prove that it's worth it, and you really want it. I'm no angel, but I know what I want for the most part. I promised myself I would not look for it right now... (What will be Will be) because I want it to be in my lap right now, but that promise is painful just a little. I know that Boyfriend is a wonderful man and he wants what I want. What I am not sure is if he wants it as much as I do. After so many days of his over drinking and my hiding my aggravation I again wanted so desperately to tell him it's the booze or it's me. Like I said, I'm no angel, but I'm trying to not over do my drinking. I'm so tired of watching what I want pass me by because of the alcohol. So instead, I asked Boyfriend if he could stop drinking so much, and then asked if we needed some time away from one another to decide if he was ready to do that. He told me he didn't need time away to not drink and he was tired of over doing it. It is unfortunate, but this has had to be proven to me before and he did... this time he's gone since Friday and is going strong. Resisting the beer even when it is in front of him. I'm very proud of him. I do fear though that I am asking him too much. That he doesn't want to grow up with me as much as he says. Only because we've had this problem a few times before. I am praying our relationship finds a way and that I am not asking too much, being a hypocrite, or the promises are just bidding time for another heart break.
We have a CNG in USAF Boot Camp! You know I love to write letters!! a*craig was such a big help to me when the Ex was deployed and is still a great friend! She has come so far! if anyone feels like writing her let me know, I'll send you her address. Ash has lots of support, but from what I understand the more support the better! This girl is so strong and I am sooo proud for her and her accomplishments over the last year! Go girl!!
March 27 CNG Post:
So I sent my first letter To Ash today. But there is a little story behind the picture That I can't wait to tell her about too. Since I didn't want to post my address on FB and only wanted to share the pic with you girls, I texted my email with the pic of Ash's letter. Well my Cell Phone is a touch screen (i kinda hate... it BTW) and while i was scrolling through my address book to get my select my email, not knowing, I also selected another friend of mine who happens to be a mail man in Morristown and sent the message. I get a text back from Brian saying "you want me to send that?" I was like Send what? and then I realized the amusing ironic mistake lol Oh !!! I miss Ash already!!!!!
Jessica gotta love it, I move to Mass, I lose my phone, 6 and 1/2 months later I wash my phone... SO AGAIN I don't have everyone's phone numbers. SIGH or a camera!!!
Ok here's the most updated info on both Cell Phones:
I lost the go phone I had been using it must have fallen out of my pocket in the driveway and was found by my uncle, but he just took it and left it on the boat that is also in the driveway. Mind you the weather has been Awful MAss got a record amount of rain for the month of March. The rice worked! SO I gave up on finding the go phone and replaced the simcard so my Vu works perfectly now!! (Thank you for the suggestion you saved my phone!!) I told my uncle the the phone I put through the laundry was working again, and he asked "what about the cell phone I found in the driveway?" I said that was my other phone you and Aunt Cyndi helped me get in September. He said oh, well I either threw it out or its on the boat in the back. (not sure why he didn't just bring it inside there are a bunch of people that live in the house 3 units not including the garage I live above) luckily he put it on the boat and did not throw it out! I put that phone in the rice and now that is dried out and works perfectly too. the whole ordeal only $20 to get a new simcard at At&t (which is normally $25 but the guy gave me a break because I only had $20 in cash and was not sure how much was on my card).How's that for a book? all and all I have both phones again so if I happen to launder the Vu again I'll have my Go phone to back me up.
1) How did you spend your Valentine's Day? What did you get? What did you do?
Well Unfortunately the day started off faulty. Boyfriend was out late drinking with a buddy the night before and I was mad at him. He was hung over and cranky and we argued in the morning. It was not resolved until later that evening after I got home from work.
I walked in and he had cleaned up the room, and the middle of the table from "Dirty Table" that was clean he had wrapped a couple things and had a card on top Labeled "My Love". And Three red roses in a wine craft with an I love you. Great Salvage! I melted. I had told him I was going to make him Potato pancakes but after all the arguing and my 6 hour shift at work I was too tired to cook. I made them today instead. He told me that it was the best meal of the year and I He liked them better than his mothers. I told him not to tell his mom that! lol So between my gifts and his gifts The only issue is the serious amount of Chocolate that is in this room.
This table was clean about a week ago for like 3 days then it looks like this in less than a week. Funny I had to take a picture of this before I actually clean it. in fact, my guess... I will not be cleaning it tonight either... I'm lazy tonight.
One of Our Newest CNG Posted a new Discussion in our Group called "I Confess".
"Welcome to I confess....where you can say those things that you are holding in, especially when you don't have the luxury of being in contact, or when you don't have the courage to say them.....yet"
Most of the CNGs jumped right in with their confessions but I was extremely reluctant to try it, because reading the other girls posts made my tummy knot up. Seeing that Steph Posted her fear towards confessions on the CNG wall however made me feel better so through the knots I did it myself. I cannot post here what I said there... But I can say here that some of my doubts about mine and Boyfriend's relationship seemed to be seen in a second light. Admitting why I fear S and my relationship, why I tend to hold back made me see that maybe it is all just silly. Poor Boyfriend Takes so much BS from me. BS that my Ex wouldn't have even given me the time of day for.
I Must Let my Past go!!!
I think I'm lucky, and I need to actually Believe it from now on. I know I am Lucky!!
I can confess something here though! I spend WAY too much time procrastinating on this computer. I think sometimes I hide myself in it... and maybe need a little break. Not necessarily from Blog, but defiantly from Facebook!