What Will Be Will Be Boyfriend

How many times does a relationship have to succeed? How many times can the bad out weigh the good? How many times can one prove that it's worth it, and you really want it. I'm no angel, but I know what I want for the most part. I promised myself I would not look for it right now... (What will be Will be) because I want it to be in my lap right now, but that promise is painful just a little. I know that Boyfriend is a wonderful man and he wants what I want. What I am not sure is if he wants it as much as I do. After so many days of his over drinking and my hiding my aggravation I again wanted so desperately to tell him it's the booze or it's me. Like I said, I'm no angel, but I'm trying to not over do my drinking. I'm so tired of watching what I want pass me by because of the alcohol. So instead, I asked Boyfriend if he could stop drinking so much, and then asked if we needed some time away from one another to decide if he was ready to do that. He told me he didn't need time away to not drink and he was tired of over doing it. It is unfortunate, but this has had to be proven to me before and he did... this time he's gone since Friday and is going strong. Resisting the beer even when it is in front of him. I'm very proud of him. I do fear though that I am asking him too much. That he doesn't want to grow up with me as much as he says. Only because we've had this problem a few times before. I am praying our relationship finds a way and that I am not asking too much, being a hypocrite, or the promises are just bidding time for another heart break.

Not Me Monday

Well There are a couple things I did not do this weekend...

My Car didn't overheat on the drive to SH's apt and we did not feed her Poland Spring to make it without stopping. Looks like Neon's getting snooty in her old age.

I didn't get to work on Sunday and realize I had forgotten to wear a bra (not like ANYONE but me noticed) oh and I'm NEVER in a rush to get to work because I never slack or stay out too late the night before... Not me

I didn't take my drinking boots out for a Spin Friday AND Saturday night. It didn't feel like the first time I was able to control these boots since I got to Massachusetts.

J: I think I got my drinking Boots back Baby
Boyfriend: What did ya leave them in New Jersey?
J: I think so corse I'm pretty sure its just the drinking here [MA] gets me hammered faster. I've never been so drunk so quick in Jersey. I think The Alcohol is Stronger in MA
Boyfriend: So that's why I was able to drink so much Hard booze in Jersey and not be drunk at all.
J: I think so
Boyfriend: I think you should send your drinking boots back to Jersey, Keep your Drinking Sneakers

drinking sneakers save me money hello!!!

Not ME

Well all and all it was a fun weekend... None of this REALLY happened

*wink* *wink* *kiss* *kiss*
NOT ME

Not Me Monday originates from MckMama

Need to Change my Winter Blues

And What is the weather like today? Snowy.

I talked with S a little last night. I asked him if he thought I had been miserable.
Yup. You've been miserable all month! He insisted.

S is all confused as to how things can bother me so much. Says he doesn't get it. Why did I move up here in the first place if I was going to miss my family and friends so much?
J: Because I was drowning in NJ I didn't know I would be miserable.

J: I don't think I had the chance to find myself up here because we got into a relationship so fast.
S: What sleeping around would have helped you "find yourself"
J: no. I am happy I have you You helped me find home!
S: But you hate your job, don't like where you live (the list goes on).
J: But if it were for you I would have been miserable from the start. You make me more comfortable. You gave me home!! Without you I would have bailed months ago!!
S: Happy I make you feel better Baby!

S : "you've Changed" That's a fantastic 4 month mark in a relationship.
Reasons: In the beginning drinking wasn't bad. "We haven't been drinking as much as we could" is S's favorite quote. Now you don't even want to drink.

J: I can't help it. I don't wanna be that drunk girl, and I defiantly don't want to lose my dreams of a family because I have to party all the time. I came up here to Change, Change is what I want to do.

Why do you care what other people think of you soooo much?? S doesn't understand because He really only cares about what a few people think, me being one. But he completely missed the point. Its what I think of myself.

See? SUMMER!! We need you!!