and what is honestly real?
When Trouble and I met, it was the literal day that J had totally screwed me. J called me from MS and said "hey I'm back in the states, wanna drive down here (from MA) and have some steak and get laid?" I was shocked and annoyed by his total ignorance about me supporting his every move while deployed and in Naval School just to become a booty call. SO I was done. I got off the line with him, went into the Anchor and switched my undrank draft to a shot of Wild turkey. Across the bar from me was Trouble. He was sitting by a Keno Machine next to his cousin (Wasn't sure if his cousin was a girlfriend or a friend or what) and I was staring at him trying to get him to come over to me. I made the mistake of mentioning to my Aunt I thought he was hot, but I couldn't tell if he was wearing a ring (I know way better to mess with the local girls around here and in general there aren't a lot of hot single guys at all... they are all taken...) So my Aunt goes right over to him and asks him "How many times have you been married" (yup... She's crazy just like I am... Teenager in a 58 year old body) I was mortified... She reports back with "he's never been married." he gets up to smoke a cigarette with the mystery girl and as he passes he looks at me and says don't worry i was looking at you too and I'll be back over to talk with you in a bit. We talked for a while, At the end of the night he gave me a flower and went home. He didn't try to kiss me, he didn't try to talk me back to his place, and he told me that he was sure that we could really make each other happy that night when we were texting back and forth. (ya... i did it... I texted him like an hour after he left lol)
I didn't hang out with Trouble Friday night... We texted back and forth through his lunch break while i was out job hunting... and then that night I went drinking at the Anchor again with my aunt and uncle, took a ride on a bike and lost my Cell phone. Now I did hook up with bike guy... I was drinking... Freshly single New girl in a New town... and Seriously scorned by a Sailor... I didn't sleep with him though and all I kept thinking was "Why do I feel like I'm cheating on Trouble????"
I think God decided I needed to lose my Cell phone that night for 2 reasons:
1. I shouldn't be taking rides from Strangers on Harleys
2. Time to REALLY start a fresh life... Get the numbers of the people that really count and leave the people that I thought meant something to me behind...
If i had the power to take back one single night I would. I could not though. Some times Aunt Cyndi teases Trouble sometimes about giving him the 3rd degree when we first met... and he didn't get the 3rd degree at all... Since this has happened more than once recently, I had to tell Trouble what it was about. Trouble didn't take it well. He was hurt and confused. Typical guy I suppose, but I never figured I would have to worry about Trouble being upset about something that happened before I was his girlfriend. It too a little while for me to get him to understand that I didn't expect him to come into my life, but he did and I couldn't help but fall for him.
My friend Trouble would have understood. My boyfriend Trouble may think about this too much... or maybe I will. Our relationship has been based on the truth. He knows everything about my trials the last year. I told him first thing hello Trouble, I'm a train wreck right now. Loving me is easy, but dealing with me sometimes is tough. When I get to thinking too much I need someone to help me relax. He took this job fully knowing, and the past couple months have been fantastic. We click so well, and I think its because we are great friends first. Being with him is like being with family. He really is that comfortable.
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