You can take the Girl out of Jersey, But you Can not take the Jersey out of the girl!!

This Jersey girl is headed to Pennsylvania in November. I'm pretty sad about leaving Jersey though. It will be a nice change for a temporary stay. I haven't lived with my mother since I was 8 years old so 20 years down the road I will have the pleasure of learning what it will be like to be close to Mom again. Boonton is a Great town to live in. Mom is a Pennsylvania native, but she loves visiting me in Boonton. She feels like she didn't leave PA. I view this old Steel town as one that is stuck in time, and has aged to perfection and will never be any different. My neighbors consist of the Firehouse, which makes many strong able and willing gentlemen heroes my Neighbors. I love this Boonton Apartment, and this town too. I know most of my neighbors including John in the back of the house. He's a Fireman. next to me also is Kelly and Brian! I've known then for a while. Kelly and I have spent many afternoons drinking Twisted Teas and Chatting away about the Friends and the family. We've also collaborated with snow removal and ran to JT's in the rain to grab a bar stool. Every Thursday the Boonton firehouse Drum core practices in our backyard, and we've grown to enjoy them instead of trying to be far away from the music. every time i see them practice i say "man I miss Marching Band!" the house across the street has a gentleman that plays the harmonica at dusk and someone on the block has a drum set and you can hear that being practiced on in the evenings too. I do not know if i will miss the fire whistle that goes off in the wee hours of the night, but I won't have to run in the house before I lose my hearing anymore.
Over the weekend was Boonton's annual Labor day Fireman's parade and carnival! This event is always a blast! Just stay away from the Hook Juice if you don't want to wake up the next morning wondering how you got home.

me dwelling

Why is it so easy for what i say to get twisted!? I guess its context but then i have to explain myself and it was honestly me just speaking my mind in the first place!!!
it will be so much better when i don't have to write letters! ya I'm still on this, but i talked to J's mom today again and i told her what he had misread and then she said well i hope thats not the case considering I'm spending the money to get you there to see him and again i had to explain myself! when the whole point was the fact that he read it wrong!!
why cant i learn to shut up? and why do i have to dwell sooooo much!!??

Well, it's been a pretty crazy week! it started around this time last Saturday when I went to Becca's birthday party and convinced her that she wanted to try out for American Idol with me. Please Please Please Becs!!! No one wants to go with me and it will be sooooo much fun!

*sigh* is it September yet?

My newest letter wasn't pleasant. my poor Navy boy confused my words. Luckily I have the letter saved in my documents and could pin point exactly what worried him.

what he misread;
"I hate waiting! It’s driving me crazy. Not the waiting for you part. That is just something I have no control over. I considered the possibility of moving on because my life would be so up in the air, but I can not see my life without you in it. I never really could. Even when we were broken up I thought about you everyday. I was ecstatic when we spoke in November even though it was all sad news; it was great to hear your voice. Jason, I don’t know how you do it… how you have such a hold on me. In March when I stopped in the Legion you pissed me off by trying to kiss me… but that was only because I REALLY wanted to. It took everything I had that night not to. You are such a pain in my butt!"

Jason Read the part in bold and didn't see past it. He said I now was supposed to clarify, so i will. i miss him so much and cannot wait to see him in September! i hope he realizes that he means the world to me.

my response to him;

" You are so silly. I love you! I don’t want anyone else but you! Don’t be so worried and don’t misread what I say. You know me better than to think that I would write you a letter about me wanting to move on and then leave it open ended like that. If you go back and read that one, you will see that I said I could not possibly see my life with out you in it. I think about you all the time and I am counting the days until I see you in September! I am so proud of you! I suppose I should be careful of you misreading my thoughts. One must have an open mind to understand me like you do. I go into left field sometimes, but it’s because I’m writing wishing you were here with me. I can’t lye and tell you I’m not a little scared of my life being up in the air until you come home, but I have no issue waiting for you and I cannot and will not walk away. I’ve been in love with you for a long time Jason! I’m not sure why your dad told you I wasn’t coming. I figured I would have to beg borrow and steal my way to the Great Lakes. Your mom and I spoke today and she is going to pay for the trip, but I will have to pay her back. I still don’t know how I will do that, but I will find a way. Seeing you for a couple hours for a couple days in a row will be so fantastic! Then I get to hear your voice and feel you next to me. I cannot even stress how badly I want that right now! And how two weeks seems like tomorrow in my mind!"

wish me luck, I think I need it!

Aidan Shaw vs. Mr. Big,

Ever find yourself Twisted? I tend to do that a lot. Twisted between which friend is being weird, or which friend you should just take a break from... Twisted between Loving one boy but missing another. My latest issue is one that's been haunting me for a little while, but hasn't bothered me until I found myself alone. I watch Sex in the City every night at 11pm. I've noticed a particular similarity between my relationships and Carrie's relationships. Her two big loves: Aidan and Mr. Big. and my two big loves; Navy boy and Georgia boy. It's honestly been annoying me for months. Jason and I got back together shortly after Georgia boy broke up with me. It was bound to happen. Ga didn't smoke, didn't go out all the time, couldn't hang with me like I was one of the guys, and for some reason couldn't be social guy like I thought he was when I first met him. I always had J in the back of my mind... he was okay there until I saw him again after months of avoiding every place he had taken me in fears he would be there. The episodes where Carrie cheated on Aidan with Mr. Big taunted me in a big way. I never cheated on Ga, I just thought about it and my mind is a terrible thing when I dwell. I couldn't bare to hurt Georgia and I thought I could some how get J out of my head. I even hid anything in my room that reminded me of J to try to make myself feel as if it wasn't J coming between Ga and I. and then I saw the episode of the ghosts, Miranda thought she had a ghost and Carrie thought that past relationships were ghosts. Mr. Big was no where around to distract Carrie from going after Aidan again, and all of a sudden she started to miss him. well here's my problem... J means the world to me... but I cannot talk to him, see him, touch him... Ga boy and I have the option of constant contact... we don't hang out, but we could... and we text each other and talk once and a while. I saw him on Saturday night at K's Birthday bash and wanted to be near him , but was also annoyed by him... and the only thing that became apparent in my mind was that I had been denying my feelings for him for the last couple months because J was here or distracting me. Isn't it awful? I guess... I don't find it fair to either party. J can't defend himself and "win me over" because he isn't here and he cannot be. Ga cares for me, but I think he isn't interested anymore. He always looked at me as a child in some aspects. though... even so, I don't see how I was fair to Ga either. I always loved J from the first time he talked to me. I was not really impressed by Ga at first. Ga impressed me by pursuing me at a major level. I tried and tried to keep myself from falling for him but his pursuit was impressive and very romantic. I couldn't help myself but to fall into his arms. Before J left he told me he wouldn't hold it against me if I found someone while he was gone. I know he will. especially because I found Georgia in between J and I being together. Am I safer to deny these feelings or selfish to act on them? I know absents makes the heart grow fonder and I cannot contain myself over the fact that I will see Jason in September. I know that J can make me happier and I will always regret it if I do not wait for him. I guess I just needed to get this off my chest.

Friends, some understand... and some don't

Where is the mailman??

I have got to complain about our mail system here on Boonton ave. I spoke with a mailman about a month ago and he said our regular carrier is out of commission because she broke her leg, so the other carriers split her shift. it's very unfair that on Tuesday we get the mail at 9 am and on Thursday at 230 pm, and I have yet to see anything in the mail box! I know I'm to get another letter from the Great Lakes because I've spoken with both J's Mom and Dad today who received word from J. Where is the mailman today?? I cannot contain myself!! The newest information in J's letter home spoke of his only being reserve Navy, and not active. I got phone calls at work from both parents. "What's your Navy friend's number? Have you heard the news?" what news? J's letter was promising though his concerns were he is merely reserves. I texted JD and asked what was going on. He returned Jason is both active and Reserves. He signed up for NCS National Call to Service program. JD said J understood this already, so maybe he's just confused with all the things his drill sergeants are shouting at him. None the less I'm glad I could help his parents out a little. I would do anything for them, for they have gone above and beyond for me in the past.
Anyways! Letters arrive far too late on Thursday! I want our old mail carrier back!!

Can't I hear your Voice?

when i look at your picture, you are smiling at me
wishing you were here and sitting beside me
the radio plays a song and i know i have crossed your mind
urging me to sing along and wishing I wouldn't cry.
I long for your arms to be around me once more,
but these months are almost over and i will long

Letters From the Great Lakes

I miss Jay terribly. I don't understand why either. I have been away from him for weeks, and we were broken up for a year and a half and only got together again around a month ago. It’s hard for me to even look at a card in CVS or Shoprite even without bursting into tears. I've only received two letters from him so far, and I check everyday for another to arrive. I just like to picture him sitting with me when I read his letter or when I write to him. But he sounds so sad. It’s only been three weeks of Boot camp so far. I feel like it's been six months of Torture. I can also only imagine he feels the same way. i cannot wait until he graduates just to see him for a couple days would make me smile. He apoligised for not writing much and also for not putting in a request to call home because he doesn’t want to be upset, and I told him it was okay because if I heard his voice right now I would surely buckle down in tears. Happy tears of corse, but tears that he does not need to hear if he is to continue what he has set out to do. I can say he sounds a little bit better now, than his first letter. His first letter sounded as though he was in some sort of hell designed to keep us away from each other. The newest letter was showing he had a lot of hope that it will be over soon and September would come soon enough. I want to curse the Navy right now for taking him away from me, but the fact of the matter is he needed the Navy to become a better man and learn that the little things matter so much in life. A year ago J was a person who had no thought of tomorrow, no thought of growing up, drinking less, and thinking about a future. His talents remained unused and dormant because he was sitting in Madison drinking too much vodka… today he is full speed ahead and reaching for goals. He tells me he thinks about me always and looks at my picture in his wallet every night, how a couple days just seeing me would be heaven even though he has to be back on base by 8pm each night I am there to sleep. If my picture and my voice in his heart can keep him pushing through, Jason and I have a future I so have longed for though out these years. So I can not curse the Navy for taking him away from me. I can praise the Navy for helping him be the man I want to be with for the rest of my life. He has become part of a big picture now that I can share with him and support him as much as I can, while he has learned something priceless… the little things count… and a big picture is not a scary as wasting your God giving talents. Thank you US Navy!