ReGrouping In Southern Jersey

I'm still a mess. I wish I could say I was not... but I am. I decided I would make my home base My Grandparent's place in LEH, NJ. I always find my way home when I come down here. In fact, before I could even drive and barely even ride a bike... I remembered my way to Grandpa's house. It is my favorite place on the face of the planet not only because I can be near my favorite people, but because I can sit outside, smell the salt in the air and listen.... it is so quiet down here that you can hear someone cough on the other side of the lagoon.



Grandpa and Grandma have very open minds and want to hear exactly what is on your mind. As anyone, if they don't agree they will tell you. But for people of their generations there is no gap between our minds. Grandma wants us to go to church more and find our faith, Grandpa wants us to succeed in life... but they both understand that we are free spirited and they encourage us to grow and be honest with them no matter what the issue. Sometimes they are grandparents but the best part about grandparents is that they don't have to act their age and they are really just big kids that have a crazy amount of wisdom and maybe a few wrinkles from having way too much fun in their lives.

S and I aren't the same since our trip to Gulfport.



She came back with a Seabee of her own that is in J's unit. ATL ,as I nicknamed him because I couldn't get any of the kids' names right in New Orleans, is a Crazy SOB with a big heart, short attention span, easily annoyed, trusting of only some people... and totally head over heals for S. I was also calling him "mini-me (J)" the last lap of our trip. "He's not like me" J would Grumble. "oh ya? You weren't like him at 20?" I'd giggle. Funny thing is I can only guess what J was like at 20. I didn't meet him until he was 24 but he's told me lots of stories. So I never called ATL "Mini-me" in Atl's presence though. I didn't want him to assume that he was cool like J or anything ;-)

Point of my ramblings I think though, is because I had such an amazing time out there with him and all his friends reality is very painful now. Nothing feels right being away from him. I don't like feeling this way. It hurts. It hurts in my heart, in my Tummy, in my Eyes... In my head. I feel as if I am whining and complaining and should be stronger and get back to my life! but it sucks. Today is just a bad day right now. I know as soon as I get him on the phone and hear his voice it could be the difference between a smile and tears.





My main concern I think is that J is about to get deployed and I hate it. I have gone through almost every single emotion I think I have these past couple of days. I'm trying to figure out which friends will actually support me and just be there for me when and if I cry. I'm afraid I scared them away when he left for RTC. Now I have 6 months to cry alone and toughen up by myself. I am very frightened about that.



I have this blog which helped me through boot camp... but I don't wanna be the girl who complains that her boyfriend is far away. Tomorrow is another day and my best bet I know is prayers and faith. Less time to think by finding a job and lots of letters and care packages, My CNGs on facebook, thinking to myself that 6 months is NOTHING compared to some of my friends deployments in other branches of the military. I know I can do this with a little faith.

Restless in Pennsy

The road trip has defiantly led me to ready to run again!! Being on the road makes me free... and since I'm still in my situation in Pennsy / Jersey I wanna get out!! J's deployment is scaring me... I can't have my home because my home is wherever he is. so I still figure I will make my way to Virgina.

Yesterday sucked!! My mother woke me up yelling basically. She wanted her keys back because she doesn't want me to come and go as I please. Says I'm not to come back if I go to Jersey. When she was yelling at me I turned my music up like a disgruntled teenager. She continued to yell. In fact when I had no responce to her yelling she added J into the mix. Said he's using me and I must be an idiot. I would be fine if she didn't attack him. She thinks for some reason he should be sending me money. I don't want him to... If he could he would, but We aren't married yet and he shouldn't have to do that. I'm banking on getting my life on track before he gets home in September. Then we can REALLY know if this will all work out for the best. Till then my heart will be restless. my constant roaming and searching will not sit still.

I'm making my way to Pop Pop's today. His wisdom of years helps me decide what I want to do. If Grandpa doesn't agree with something... I look at it more than twice. His wisdom is worldly to me.

Any way... My question is What do I do??

Still lost... maybe even more than before.

Left My Heart in Southern Miss

Random Picture Challenge 6

Random Picture Challenge 6.0

13th picture January 2007

New years Hugs! J & K exchanging happy tidings
2007 was one of those years which promised change!!

link up with 4 little me & girly twins to play

In love with Lei's new Taylor Swift line

While Doing my taxes (yuck) and Waiting for my Taxes to Be done (double yuck!!) (worst experence ever and i've been going to this certian place for three years now) at Walmart I had the chance to wander around. I fell in love with this section in Walmart with Lei Jeans and to my surprise It belongs to Taylor Swift.

August 07 Brad Paisley Concert Allentown, PA(but we REALLY went for her!!)

I've loved her Music for a while. I've always kinda wished she was popular when I was a teenager so I wouldn't feel goofy for Loving a Teenage song writer at 29. but eh! Who Cares!! I love her Hippie Cowgirl style!!

Can this girl get ANY cooler??

We Love you Taylor!!

Mississippi on my mind

Miracles do happen!!!
Mississippi here We come!!!!

C bailed and my cousin S jumped on!!! We're leaving tonight!!!!!!!
I think I'm still in Shock!! I think I'm gonna die!!!!

I LOVE IT!!!

We should be in Gulfport by afternoon Tomorrow!!!
WoW!!

I love Valentine's Day this year!! I get to spend it with my SEABEE!!!

Sleepless in PA, Dreaming about Mississippi

Last week one of J and my friends C made last minute plans to go to visit J is Mississippi. I'll tell ya I am pretty broke, but Spending my last couple hundred to see him one more time (maybe the last before he deploys) would be completely fine to me. I am spontaneous like that I guess... But C is not... At all.
So when J called me up last night freaking out about these plans
"I better find out if this is actually happening" "blah blah"

Me: Love you Baby!

And C gave him the go I decided WoW! this is REALLY happening...

I Can't just assume that anything is ACTUALLY going to happen in my life... I tend to get let down when I rely on other people. so I try not to get to excited about things...

THIS TIME was no exclusion... sadly enough.
C bailed on me around 7:30 ... Said she can't do it because she has a project she has to finish. Re Do actually.

J was excited too... SO now both of us are let down.

so I got 2 issues with doing this by myself:
My Car (I love her but she is not reliable enough to take her cross country)
Me... alone on a drive cross the USA... 20 hours.

Shoot I could try to go it slow... Stop in the Carolinas over night and visit friends and then go from there....
But on a little less than $300 that I have right now it might not work...

Who knows... maybe I'll get a miracle. Maybe Grandma will let me borrow her car.
So Here I am with my restless heart and my Wide Awake Dream of Seeing Gulfport With my Seabee!!

Random Picture Challenge 5

March
2008
5th picture from the end

Easter 2008

This is my Cousin Mahlon on Easter 08.
William the crazy 11 year old he was took my camera.
I think Mahlon got agitated with him.

or

10th picture folder
( in 2008 is Joey 08)
5th picture from the end

New Years Eve With my Girl Jo
We brought the 2009 in with Her sister, Sister's Fiance, Cousins and Nephew.
I was Lucky to Have her Home from Colorado this year!!

link Up here to play the game with 4 Little men and girly twins.

Does Grandpa think I'm unrealistic?

Thursday morning right before Tara ran down the stairs and woke me up I was in the middle of a dream.

My Grandfather (the one who passed)
handed me a piece of light blue paper with navy blue and sparkle splashed trim that read is white letters;

"You may say that I'm a dreamer

But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will live as one."

"Who wrote this?" inquired Grandpa

The question was in my head when Tara ran down her hard wood stairs in heels.
"Who wrote this? Who wrote this?" and I started singing the song in my head.

Duh! John Lennon! But why is my Grandpa asking me this is a dream?

That's the thing about dreams; they are encrypted.

Later that morning my friend L from Charlottesville, VA contacted me via Facebook to let me know that she had not only found me a place to live, but also a possible job at a bar in town. Was Grandpa pointing me towards Virgina to flee to a fresh new life? Only thing is Grandpa was always a realist. Him showing himself to me for the first time in 2 & 1/2 years is strange to me. I fear he is calling me a "dreamer" and that my thoughts of Gypsy Living are unrealistic. That running from my life is less than realist and I should just relax and try to fight for my roots in NJ or try to get closer to my Grandmother in Iowa. He may know more than I that I have a foundation to uphold right here in this Garden State.

Do I?
I am confused now more than ever.

Wacky Weekend

Crazy weekend!! Crazy Superbowl!!

I had a couple things happen!! First, I was working the bar for a Superbowl party!

Dec is a big fan!!

Go Steelers!! I know I'm a Giants fan... But Hells ya!! The Eagles were out ( Even if they were in No chance in the pits of hell would I had routed for them )so lets route for Pennsylvania now!!

Stewy was about to Whoop somebody's butt!!

The party was a lot of fun but it took a small turn for the worst when a friend of mine made it down there. He is a spectacular guy but he had come from a different party so a couple shots in he was the I love you dude!! I had to make sure he got home safe and then come back and close the bar. Thank Goodness for small favors of off duty Bartenders being there to hold it up for a little bit!!
After I closed down I made it out to Johnnies Tavern to meet up with a couple blasts from the past! You are never bored with guys like these around!! they are all awesome and some what cartoon characters!

After hanging tight with the boys and having a motorcycle starting and bottle cap ingestion scare I booked myself up to Zamrok Way to the looks like a Frat house... Things Do not change there except for the roommates.

for example...
one thing that has been a big part of this house...
and only the positions change:

G is in the Army National Guard...
Of course this Ken Doll is in cameo!

Jodi kept me a spot on the couch but before we went to bed we went out for a smoke. I brought "Susy" the doll head. Jodi laughed at me. We decided that we would leave JL a surprise in the morning! Just all in fun... and she even startled me when I went out to my car.

Here's Susie!

Picture Tag

Make Mine a Mojito is playing picture tag and She tagged anyone who wanted to play.

The rules are:

1. Go to the 4th folder where you keep your pictures on your computer.

2. Post the 4th picture in the folder

3. Explain the photo.

4. Tag 4 fellow bloggers to join in the fun!

4th folder
"Old Family Photos"

WWII B-26 Martin Marauders planes


My Grandpa C was a navigator/bomb in the Unites States Air Force in WWII.
This picture was shot in action.
I have such a respect for this generation!! Grandpa Lied about his age and joined the service to fight the war and fight for his country. I wish I could explain further into this picture... but I wasn't there.

The song "In Color" By Jamey Johnson comes to mind and explains it the best.

I would love to be able to see what its like "in color"

I'll tag Dreaming of a White Christmas, Married to the Military, and First Comes Love, Then Comes Marriage. I know you girls Check up on me and this is fun!!