This was a very interseting weekend. Saturday Morning went fast. I didn't wake up early enough to spend anytime

Random Picture Challenge

27th folder
or December 2007
27th picture

December 1st 2007
27th picture

this is J trying to take a picture with the potato brothers at a Flip cup party.
Good times on Boonton Ave!
I miss you guys!!



Join the fun and link up here with 4 little men and girly twins!

defending my relationship

It seems that the last couple of weeks (which half of them J has spent in the desert) I have found myself defending my relationship with J to my family. Not all of them of course, but a couple big ones.

Mom being one of them. I have not technically been defending against my mother because Mother and I have not been speaking for the last month for things she had to say about J and other awful things she said to me in while I was Restless in Pennsy. I think she owes me an apology and she thinks she'll be able to give me one when he "proves her wrong".

Back to defending my relationship;

The other BIG that I find myself defending my relationship to is Grandpop. *sigh* which I hate... Because it is so hard to disagree with a man that has influenced me so much and has been a shining star in my life. His words are to be listened to, yet for the first time I have to talk back to him.

for two reasons I think;

1. Cousin S is dating ATL now and for some reason because the family doesn't understand how they could be "in love" after knowing one another for a couple days, the family is putting both S and I in the same boat.

ATL is deployed with J and ATL and S talk all the time. They seem quite diehard for one another for knowing each other for only days... but it is a VERY young relationship.

It is not a relationship like J and mine and should not be treated as such.

J moving me down to Mississippi when he returns from deployment is realistic to us. J and I aside for a year apart (which shouldn't count as less) to our almost 5 years of dating, loving, arguing, and crying. Hell we even lived together for a year and a half of our 5 years togehter.

I've already waited for 2 months of 5 letters and 1 phone call of Naval Recruit Training Command ( Navy Boot camp) 5 months of (Apprentice) A School (He called me almost every night) , and 2 weeks of restrictment with only 2 phone calls over Christmas and New Years. 7 months of waiting to be in his arms again.

Shoot! I can make it through 6 months of deployment after all that. There is only 4 months and 3 weeks until his return.

REGARDLESS,

none of this Mississippi living banter is unrealistic for J and I.

2. J did not propose to me when he was home on leave

J is not to be at fault for this. Why is it written in stone J must propose to Jess RIGHT NOW?
The family thinks he's nuts for not doing so because of the exra money he would have gotten paid for him and I upon his return. Does my family NOT understand that I DON'T CARE about his money.
J did not propose to my because he didn't want to leave me here waiting for his return on the chance that he didn't come back. J is not a 18 year old kid that joined the military fresh out of highschool. He has the normal fears of a 28 year old man and leaving me behind as his girlfriend scares him enough.


I am so tired of defending my relationship to my family. I love everyone very much but I do not need to defend my boyfriend to my family anymore. it's not fair. have me defend him in 6 months when I can call him up and cry about things or just get a hug when he comes home from work... not when he is 7000 miles away, in a 7 hour time difference, and can only call me on an international phone card.

as I lie awake, my mind is with you

I was laying wide eyed awake last night until about 5 am. Posting goofy little saying about my love for my Seabee. God I miss him. I understand how it gets easier, the wait for him to arrive home, but right now my mind doesn't want to comply. It wants to wander off to far off places (mainly Kuwait) and sit beside him as he works.



At 4 am I posted on my Facebook stats:

Jessica Lynn ~ as I lie awake this night, my mind drifts off to foreign lands, and half my heart works busy as a Bee, in that foreign hot deserts' sands.8 hours ago

His Good friend Neil Told me the other day, He had a Dream I dressed in Cammo and painted my car in cammo and an airplane dropped it off in the desert so I could go find J.
LOL Neil! He doesn't understand how my car made it to Mississippi or how I was crazy enough to drive it there in the first place. lol!

And my final random Girl missing her boyfriend babbling...

I walked away from my phone for 1 second to change in the bathroom that has no service... and what do I hear??
Anchor's Away playing outside the door. I fumble to get my pants on but through my shaking I cannot make it out the door clothed (and I have to because my two boy cousins are in the room outside) So my first missed call from Kuwait!
Luckily J says on the voicemail he'll call back after he calls his father in case I'm in the shower. So I"m not completely out of luck this time!

A long wait or short it doesn't seem to matter!
Missing him is still the same.
The first month is the hardest I hear...
"The things {we} do for our country" ~ Triple X

Who's the mother and who's the child??

I've been trying my darnest not to get upset over this mother and child thing....
My mom decided

Random Picture Challenge

Third Folder
1st picture with the color brown

Grandma's Camouflage Puppies
She Sells them at Pennsylvania Flea Markets.
Aren't they Cute!!??
Grandma Made me a special one separate Just for me!!
They have bones now and even dog tags :-)

Link up and join the fun!!

I Hope The Camel Spiders Eat him!!!

Well I got my first cranky phone call from the desert!!
Grrr to you too Baby!!!

My Friend K, who's fiance J is National Guard and he is fighting out in Iraq as we speck,
got me this book when I got back from my trip to Mississippi. ;

Thank you K!!! Great Book!!!


I've been reading this book a little here and a little there...

Some of it I just knew... because well I know my Psychology and I know How men in general are.... like the "I'd rather be mad than hurt game" it explains in it Pre-departure to deployment. That is exactly why J was being a big jerk in "Emotions run high in Southern Miss"


says that after departure day you become resentful of your military loved one for leaving you to fend for yourself...
I'm not a Self Help Book kinda girl but it is kinda dead on...
I'm kinda hating him and wishing the Camel Spiders get him tomorrow
(even though if they did I would be really sad)

Ewwww!!!!
and REALLY I would never ever want this thing on my boyfriend!!!
No matter how cranky he is.

So if the Camel Spiders decide you and ATL aren't tasty enough J (which they darn well better)... Than I can't wait to hear your voice again because I miss you and I miss your voice!!

ALT on Camel Spiders! : yeah but they're a foot in diameter, kinda hard to miss


So I just learned Camel Spiders are as big as a thumb... that IS big... but not big enough to eat a couple Seabees ... So I guess J and ATL are safe. darn it!!! And also I did read up on the Camel Spiders...

Some common Camel Spider Myths:

1. Camel spiders can move at speeds over 30 MPH, screaming while they run.
2. Camel spiders can be as large as a frisbee.
3. Camel spiders venom is an anesthetic that numbs their prey.
4. Camel spiders can jump three feet high.
5. Camel spiders get their name because they eat the stomachs of camels.
6. They eat or gnaw on people while they sleep. Due to the numbing effect of their venom, the victim is unaware until they awake.

And my final add on today...

Although this book seems cool enough, I think I will read it IF and WHEN I am a military spouse... Until then... maybe My CNG deployment Buddy Jillian and I will write our own Book.

"dating a military man" "the Girlfriend's point of veiw"

Phone Calls From The Desert

I made my way up north Yesterday for a hair cut, But I got frustrated and decided to call J's dad to see if he was going to the Legion. He said Why are you there? I said No, But I was hoping you would be there! I need a hug and a little Turkey Hunting.

About three o'clock pm I arrived down at the legion and sat next to Ray. Ray Started asking Questions about J and where he was... I said I haven't heard from him all i know is He'll call me from some random number. Sure enough the phone rings... and it was some weird 999 number!! I Jumped!!! Its my Baby!!!!!

So Good to hear his voice! I really hate the fact that the next 6 months I will only be able to hear his voice once and a while. but I know I'm Lucky... Its 6 months. Some Military Families have to do 12 to 18 months... I keep telling myself 6 months is nothing!!

He says its all sand and that's it. He's bunking with Noodle and ATL and it was going on 10 pm over there. 7 hours in the future.

Be safe my love!!!

So kiss me and smile for me tell me that you wait for me!!

My phone rings J's Ring (on his old A school Phone it is "Anchors Away") and when I answer J sings "So kiss me and Smile for me, tell me that you'll wait for me..."

My heart drops.
Departure Day is finally here and almost over.


1 day down!!
How many days left until September Baby?

God please Keep him safe!!
And please bring him home to me!!

Noodle Spoiling My Children??

J and I talked about plans for Gulfport living last night. He said he needs me to find something solid work wise. He doesn't mind that I may want to be in the restaurant business but he doesn't think that I should keep that job if I move down with him to Mississippi. He thinks that it is OK for Jersey, but he says he's seen guys at the bar down there hang out for hours and leave quarters for a tip upon departure. I assured him I can find something, but I want to stay in the business for a while. It is easier to get a job in it. I also assured him that if I want I can pursue Insurance still. I have a year to test with the Property and Casualty and if I pass within the year I can be licenced and go back into insurance. My only issue with that though is transferring in not that easy. If I am licenced in NJ than I would also have to go through Courses in Miss.

I don't wanna come back from saving the world and have to save the world back home too!! you gotta get your stuff together girl if this move to Mississippi is to run smoothly!
I can't believe I'm talking about This Marriage thing!! Its just not me!! Says J
You could tell what kind of goofy grin was on his lips while he said that.

I asked him a pretty serious question last night. I had actually thought it might have freaked him out, but he said he was fine so I just spit it out. I wanna be a house wife I said... I want to stay home and take care of my kids. I do not look down on families that have their kids in daycare, because that is how they survive and I myself have worked for daycare... I just personally want to stay home with my own. I would have them in part time to learn to be around other children other than their siblings, but other than that I don't wanna miss a step or a beat with my children!! surprisingly he agreed with that, he doesn't want a stranger taking care of his children, he'd rather me do it. I said with your profession, having family there to watch over them would be hard and he said he understood and that he could imagine Uncle Noodle (one of the kids in his unit) watching the kids and bringing them to get ice cream while J and I went out for dinner somewhere and telling them not to tell Daddy he was spoiling them but getting caught with sprinkles on his lips when we got back form our night out. We laughed about it and at the same time felt kinda overwhelmed at the thought that our lives maybe the typical family living one day. a little house with a couple kids, breakfast in the morning, bed time stories at night. WoW!! I was however BEAMING over the conversation. I couldn't wipe the goofy smile off my face after J and I hung up form our 3 hour conversation.

"What did you guys talk about?!" C inquired more than once.
"You'll see in September" I laughed
You guys are going to get married! I know it! C insisted.

Random Picture Challenge

February 2009
first picture

This is my attempt of taking a good sunset picture out in Pennsy while driving. It didn't work so great. but it still is pretty. :-)



or 1st folder
FIRST picture of something other than your kids!
No worries here I don't have kids YET. :-) one day!!

Boonton Labor Day Fireman's Parade and Carnival fireworks Sunday. I Love this town, their fire department, and I love this weekend! It is so much fun to watch the parade, ride the Ferris wheel, drink hook juice at the beer tent, and watch fireworks.


Link up to 4 little men and girly twins to play.

Not Goodbye, it's See you in September!!

I was talking to my friend Rick. He's Army and in Fort Bragg, But he has been my rock dealing with this Military relationship stuff. If I have questions I ask him. He doesn't know alot about Navy but he still makes me feel better.
"Jess are you about to have a melt down?! Do I need to call someone??!" He said with a half laugh and more concern.
"No. I'm ok. I'm still down on the Seabee Base right now so I can get my head up fast."
He told me He'll be without his phone for 18 days. If I need to talk call his wife. I promised I would.

One down. We said our "See you in September" to ATL 20 minutes ago. He's headed to the airport to attach with his unit in Kuwait J and Noodle meet them tomorrow. From there they all go their separate ways.

I have to admit that these guys have a very big spot in my heart now! The couple of weekends S and I have spent with them we've all become a little tight knit family. It hasn't even phased me when I was laying in bed soon and they all gathered in mine and J's room to get over to muster. I didn't freak. It was perfectly fine them seeing me half way asleep cuddled up in bed with my hair a mess. I just heard Noodle say "Aw man! I'm so Jealous!" and went back to sleep.



There's battle gear all over the place in our room. Woodland and Coyote camo, jungle and Desert packs. I don't even know where to start to get my stuff outta here. I moved into the hotel. I would stay here forever if it meant I felt close to J. I'm in cadence and camo heaven right now... course soon enough I would have my little realization that J isn't here with me and I'll be sad again.

I'll wait for you Baby!! I promise you I will!!

J got held back because of dentle. He's actually at the dentist right now for the 3rd time in the last 3 days. J was supposed to leave with ATL today. I get a little extra time with him now, but he's gonna be a little cranky when he gets back and then S and I hit the road shortly after. I would do anything to just stay here with him.

My God I can't wait until September!!!

Dear God Keep Him safe.
Be with him and the boys these months ahead!!
Hold my hand through my sleepless nights
and tears I may cry. I promise
I will be as strong as I can but I need a hand!!
I'll send letters and take lots of pictures
spend lots of time watching for him in the sky
and in the summer stars
And when those leaves start to change
Please swiftly bring him back to me!!

Emotions Run High in Southren Miss

I really need some reassurance today. I know I'm not the only one... but it feels like I am. J and I have had some really serious fun and a bunch of alone time these last couple of days!! He is freaking out a little though. Feeling smothered by me because he is used to being alone. He did a 180 yesterday after his friend left the hotel room. J turned into this cold unemotional say anything to make me unhappy jerk. the bed in this hotel room is tiny and he wouldn't even cuddle with me. I freaked out. My tears don't always make him snap out of his anger... more times than not he gets colder, I think because he assumes I am crying to make him personally feel bad and not because it is just a normal reaction for an over stressed and sad girl.

I've noticed he has gotten this way more times closer to when he has to let me go and maybe he does it because it is easier for him to shut down his emotions so he can feel better. He did it the day before he left for Boot camp, was a jerk to me the day he left, got cold for a short time the day before his family and I were about to leave him after his graduation form RTC and a couple times while he was on leave. this leaving me wondering WTF am I waiting for him....??? but then its over like it never happened...

I cannot make too many excuses for him but I do understand it is because he is scared... but How do I counter act him when his deployment is coming sooooo close. generally I can slow down the reaction by asking him to please consider my feelings and reminding him that it may be extremely hard for him to leave... but I also have a lot to handle with him leaving too... and that I just want to have a good note instead of a bad taste when waiting for him... because it is the only thing I know how to do. I told him, if I lost him I would lose my home... because that is what he is... the say all end all, my heart and my soul belong to him alone. I plead please be gentle.

I may sound crazy here but crazy is how I feel sometimes. If anyone has a similar story or any ideas how I can try to break this so we can have a good last night together please help!!

"With your help,Dear God, I'll try to stay strong...

and pray that his tie here at home will be long.

Still, "I know that the Navy will need him," I sigh

but we'll face it together, Dear Lord, you and I"

I should have time to check it, but if anything it may help me even tomorrow or the next days to come when we have to say our I'll see you in September!

Trip Log

March 1, 2009 12:35 mileage @ start 174364
little under half tank of gas.
Leave Madison Elks Parking lot on route for Gulfport MS

stop 1: 30miles in @ Lebanon, NJ
$14 to fill the tank and hit the road

mile 17 on 78west a police officer pulls me over for "driving too slow"
"You're lost I'm guessing" he asks along with my License, registration, and Insurance.
We told him we're headed to Mississippi and he let us go.

Around 1:3o am Pennsylvania Welcomed us. Sammie was sleeping.
the sign actually said "welcome to ylvania" it was chopped off for some reason



2nd stop in blinding snow storm Shippensburg, PA 194 miles into the trip.
$10 of gas @ $1.89/gallon
spoke with an Army Guy on his way to Fort Benning for training.
"Keep your head up and your eyes low!" was his message for the boys!

4:38 am Maryland Welcomes us.
not as much snow thank God!!

4:49 am West Virgina Welcomes us

5:13 am Virgina Welcomes us

5:48 am S takes the Wheel.

7am Sheetz stop in Staunton, VA with 368 milage
$10 of gas @ $1.75 a gallon

8:36 am GoMart Salem, VA
initial stop for food... but we filled the tank too
$3.90 worth @ $1.69 per Ga

S is starting to Get Sassy!!
I didn't like her attitude!! lol

11:04 am 602 miles into the trip.
S wanted to look at a map but I said no.
A giant Guitar flippin sweet!
Lets see how long it takes for J to get us lost. Kidding!!
74 miles to Alabama??
Who knows!
We met someone for NJ at the rest stop. Her husband was an aviator in the Navy for 28 years!!
J is a crazy bitch S is J's little girl (She thought she won something there)



11:52am Greenville, Tennessee birthplace of Davey Crockett
Gas stop. 642 miles in

3:15 pm We made it to Georgia.
Sign Read "We're glad you're thinking of us"
Daffodils. tulips, and Killer Tracker Trails welcome us as well!
Along with Blue Skies and Poofy clouds!!!!



2:55 pm Central 888 miles into the trip
"Alabama the beautiful" and the central time zone welcome us
it looks like spring down here!!

S needs to learn how to drive with her knee.
& she is evil because she's making fun of me for being jumpy but I'm tired!!!
It snowed in "Bring em ham"!

5:50 pm stop for gas, oil, and coffee in Prattvillie, Alabama
mileage 1088
I got coffee and the man at the counter said it was free.
"Why?" I inquired.
"because you're in the Navy."
He teased. "I'm not in the Navy my boyfriend is." I giggled.
"We just give the coffee out." he said with a friendly smile.

8:43 pm Mississippi welcomes us @ 1277miles

I Lied

March 1st 2009, 9:02 pm Central Time
Mississippi Welcomes Us!!
Sign reads "Its like Coming home"
1299 miles and 22 hours later we finally made it!

The things we do for love

J's deployment is coming soon and all too fast. I am very unsure to take it. All I know is that I am extremely thankful for the small (really big) things that we have spoken about these last couple of days. J can be a very unemotional person. I finally got something I needed out of him. He told me he wants to come home and be with me and only me the other day. I was so happy I thought I would die!! REALLY! I dont have to worry that he doesn't want a future with me.

So the things you do for love...

Late Saturday evening I was talking with him while tending bar at the Madison Elks Club and for the sake of "Not Me Monday"



I did not convince J that it would be nice to see him again even if we didn't have a lot of extra time together. I did not jump in the car with S and make our way down to Southern Miss again. We did not put over 1300 miles on my little black Neon and make it here last night around 10ish central time. Nope not me. and I am not sitting on the Gulfport Seabee Base in a Hotel room Posting this.

March 1st 2009, 9:02 pm Central Time
Mississippi Welcomes Us!!
Sign reads "Its like Coming home"
1299 miles and 22 hours later we finally made it!

The Things We do for Love!