Emotions Run High in Southren Miss

I really need some reassurance today. I know I'm not the only one... but it feels like I am. J and I have had some really serious fun and a bunch of alone time these last couple of days!! He is freaking out a little though. Feeling smothered by me because he is used to being alone. He did a 180 yesterday after his friend left the hotel room. J turned into this cold unemotional say anything to make me unhappy jerk. the bed in this hotel room is tiny and he wouldn't even cuddle with me. I freaked out. My tears don't always make him snap out of his anger... more times than not he gets colder, I think because he assumes I am crying to make him personally feel bad and not because it is just a normal reaction for an over stressed and sad girl.

I've noticed he has gotten this way more times closer to when he has to let me go and maybe he does it because it is easier for him to shut down his emotions so he can feel better. He did it the day before he left for Boot camp, was a jerk to me the day he left, got cold for a short time the day before his family and I were about to leave him after his graduation form RTC and a couple times while he was on leave. this leaving me wondering WTF am I waiting for him....??? but then its over like it never happened...

I cannot make too many excuses for him but I do understand it is because he is scared... but How do I counter act him when his deployment is coming sooooo close. generally I can slow down the reaction by asking him to please consider my feelings and reminding him that it may be extremely hard for him to leave... but I also have a lot to handle with him leaving too... and that I just want to have a good note instead of a bad taste when waiting for him... because it is the only thing I know how to do. I told him, if I lost him I would lose my home... because that is what he is... the say all end all, my heart and my soul belong to him alone. I plead please be gentle.

I may sound crazy here but crazy is how I feel sometimes. If anyone has a similar story or any ideas how I can try to break this so we can have a good last night together please help!!

"With your help,Dear God, I'll try to stay strong...

and pray that his tie here at home will be long.

Still, "I know that the Navy will need him," I sigh

but we'll face it together, Dear Lord, you and I"

I should have time to check it, but if anything it may help me even tomorrow or the next days to come when we have to say our I'll see you in September!