Friend Making Monday

Friend Making Monday- Valentine's Day

1) How did you spend your Valentine's Day? What did you get? What did you do?

Well Unfortunately the day started off faulty. Boyfriend was out late drinking with a buddy the night before and I was mad at him. He was hung over and cranky and we argued in the morning. It was not resolved until later that evening after I got home from work.

I walked in and he had cleaned up the room, and the middle of the table from "Dirty Table" that was clean he had wrapped a couple things and had a card on top Labeled "My Love". And Three red roses in a wine craft with an I love you. Great Salvage! I melted. I had told him I was going to make him Potato pancakes but after all the arguing and my 6 hour shift at work I was too tired to cook. I made them today instead. He told me that it was the best meal of the year and I He liked them better than his mothers. I told him not to tell his mom that! lol So between my gifts and his gifts The only issue is the serious amount of Chocolate that is in this room.

Thank you Amber {ae Flikins} for Friend Making Monday-Valentine's Day!!

Cake is to Have And to Eat

Well I did it again. I tried to push boyfriend away. Poor S is the cake I guess. I try to push him away all the time. J really messed me up I think because I really and truly don't believe Boyfriend S and how he REALLY wants big things for us. I want to believe him but honestly somethings bug me. somethings give me red flag. Last night I pulled the drink a little too much and try to break up with S again. This all kinda happened because I told boyfriend that I wanted to go back to learn about my Native American heritage, but I would have to go away for a month to do so. Well S takes this awfully wrong so when I woke up this morning I get the booming words "WE have some things WE NEED TO TALK about". I even told him "The Indians sent me a coyote in my backyard" I was defiantly trying to sell this Indian thing to him. This morning I said that won't even happen, but if it does it'd be nuts. It took us a couple of hours but we talked it all out. we're doing fine now, which is fantastic. I dunno, I wanna tell him that sometimes I wanna have my cake and eat it too I want him but I wanna be single. I can't though. I'd risk losing him and I'm not sure I want to. He tells me he wants to spend the rest of his life with me, and I had to tell him that it is not his fault, as much as I believe him I'm so scared to trust that statement because I have heard it before and believed it and was let down. I couldn't even get it out with out bawling. S really is a wonderful man. He REALLY loves me. Please God help me to get past my fears and let him love me?

Here is a poem I wrote, It reminds me of the situation;

Please God Lend me some shoes?
Current mood: confused

Please God Lend me some Shoes?

Dear God, please lend me the shoes of a strong willed woman,

So I can walk a mile and realize that will is not all I need

Help me see that will itself only helps me proceed

Please loan me a pair of well warned boots of one with nerves of steel

I will give them back in one day maybe two

I need to learn how to make my tension heal

Teach me to be strong, to walk with my head high

And not worry so much that I will someday die

Let me borrow the shoes of an elderly woman who has seen it all

And has faith that the Good Lord will take her because she has done all her living

May you allow me to use my mother's shoes

To understand the trials she went through

And also a while her mother's too

Though we are close in voice I can't possibly understand

Unless I see it from my own eyes

Dear God lend me the shoes of my faithful lover

So I can understand the stress I put this wonderful man under

Teach me the ways to make me stronger

In body, in mind, in faith through feet, and eyes

Then return me my shoes so I can again walk through life;

much more than a mile and a few pairs of shoes wiser.

JLC 12/27/07

He REALLY loves me.

I know he does and I love him.

Happy one year Navy Anniversary

July 11th 2008

J entered the Great Lakes Naval Recruit Training Command.

2 months of Boot camp Great lakes, IL
(he sent me 6 letters)

3 day visit to Great Lakes to see J's RTC graduation
and enjoy his company for his Liberty Weekend

5 months of A school Wichita falls, TX
(one Christmas card from him)

2 weeks of Leave in New Jersey in January 2009

2 months of combat training for J and his unit in MS

2 long weekend trips to visit J on base in Ms

120 days of waiting his return for his first deployment
(37 days left after today)

365 days, 52 weeks, 12 months, 8,781 hours, 526,899 minutes, 31,613,985 seconds
Of pride, tears, honor, love, waiting

All worth every second, every tear, every long day, phone call, text message!

Now you better get your butt home safe soon!
Congratulations Baby! Its been a long year!

Thursday 6/19/2008

That was the Thursday that we through tears said goodbye before J left for RTC. I think that it may have been the hardest day of my life so far. yes I got him back for another month... but when I pulled out of his driveway I couldn't even get to the end of the street without hysterically crying. The CD Got caught on repeat of Roll On By kid Rock and i didn't know how to turn it off. J called it fate. I still have those text messages from that day. I couldn't save all of them, but i saved alot... and I go back and look at them over and over and they make me smile, and sometimes cry. Mainly They make me so proud of him and make me think that this year even though its been so tough has been so worth every moment of waiting because J means the world to me!! I love you so much!!

come home to me soon Baby!!
I'm here waiting for you with all my Love

Trip Log

March 1, 2009 12:35 mileage @ start 174364
little under half tank of gas.
Leave Madison Elks Parking lot on route for Gulfport MS

stop 1: 30miles in @ Lebanon, NJ
$14 to fill the tank and hit the road

mile 17 on 78west a police officer pulls me over for "driving too slow"
"You're lost I'm guessing" he asks along with my License, registration, and Insurance.
We told him we're headed to Mississippi and he let us go.

Around 1:3o am Pennsylvania Welcomed us. Sammie was sleeping.
the sign actually said "welcome to ylvania" it was chopped off for some reason



2nd stop in blinding snow storm Shippensburg, PA 194 miles into the trip.
$10 of gas @ $1.89/gallon
spoke with an Army Guy on his way to Fort Benning for training.
"Keep your head up and your eyes low!" was his message for the boys!

4:38 am Maryland Welcomes us.
not as much snow thank God!!

4:49 am West Virgina Welcomes us

5:13 am Virgina Welcomes us

5:48 am S takes the Wheel.

7am Sheetz stop in Staunton, VA with 368 milage
$10 of gas @ $1.75 a gallon

8:36 am GoMart Salem, VA
initial stop for food... but we filled the tank too
$3.90 worth @ $1.69 per Ga

S is starting to Get Sassy!!
I didn't like her attitude!! lol

11:04 am 602 miles into the trip.
S wanted to look at a map but I said no.
A giant Guitar flippin sweet!
Lets see how long it takes for J to get us lost. Kidding!!
74 miles to Alabama??
Who knows!
We met someone for NJ at the rest stop. Her husband was an aviator in the Navy for 28 years!!
J is a crazy bitch S is J's little girl (She thought she won something there)



11:52am Greenville, Tennessee birthplace of Davey Crockett
Gas stop. 642 miles in

3:15 pm We made it to Georgia.
Sign Read "We're glad you're thinking of us"
Daffodils. tulips, and Killer Tracker Trails welcome us as well!
Along with Blue Skies and Poofy clouds!!!!



2:55 pm Central 888 miles into the trip
"Alabama the beautiful" and the central time zone welcome us
it looks like spring down here!!

S needs to learn how to drive with her knee.
& she is evil because she's making fun of me for being jumpy but I'm tired!!!
It snowed in "Bring em ham"!

5:50 pm stop for gas, oil, and coffee in Prattvillie, Alabama
mileage 1088
I got coffee and the man at the counter said it was free.
"Why?" I inquired.
"because you're in the Navy."
He teased. "I'm not in the Navy my boyfriend is." I giggled.
"We just give the coffee out." he said with a friendly smile.

8:43 pm Mississippi welcomes us @ 1277miles

I Lied

March 1st 2009, 9:02 pm Central Time
Mississippi Welcomes Us!!
Sign reads "Its like Coming home"
1299 miles and 22 hours later we finally made it!

The things we do for love

J's deployment is coming soon and all too fast. I am very unsure to take it. All I know is that I am extremely thankful for the small (really big) things that we have spoken about these last couple of days. J can be a very unemotional person. I finally got something I needed out of him. He told me he wants to come home and be with me and only me the other day. I was so happy I thought I would die!! REALLY! I dont have to worry that he doesn't want a future with me.

So the things you do for love...

Late Saturday evening I was talking with him while tending bar at the Madison Elks Club and for the sake of "Not Me Monday"



I did not convince J that it would be nice to see him again even if we didn't have a lot of extra time together. I did not jump in the car with S and make our way down to Southern Miss again. We did not put over 1300 miles on my little black Neon and make it here last night around 10ish central time. Nope not me. and I am not sitting on the Gulfport Seabee Base in a Hotel room Posting this.

March 1st 2009, 9:02 pm Central Time
Mississippi Welcomes Us!!
Sign reads "Its like Coming home"
1299 miles and 22 hours later we finally made it!

The Things We do for Love!

Left My Heart in Southern Miss

Fuel For Months

A hug like this could keep me going for another year!! Come home safe Baby!!

A Thanksgiving Tradition of Thankyou.

Thankyou’s are not always remembered as we run on by in our daily lives so it is very important that we stop and remind ourselves and the people around us what we are thankful for. A long time family Tradition on Thanksgiving at Grandpa L & Grandmom Maryanne’s home is not only good food and good family fun. It also consists of writing down what we are thankful for and reading our thanks at the dinner table. I think My Aunt Debbie started it, and when the night is over she takes them home and saves them in a scrape book for our future selves and our kids’ kids to read. This year we will not be at Grandpa and Grandmom’s home due to health complications but I would still like the carry on the tradition and send Grandmom and Grandpa our what I am thankful for”’s.


I am thankful for my family and how loving, supportive, and close we have all become. I am not only grateful but also honored to have the friends and family I have in my life. I appreciate the fact that I have the pleasure still at 29 years if age that lots of people even younger than I am do not have; to have my grandparents around so I can call them up and tell them I love them or take a day and visit just for a hug. I am grateful that even though they say you can never change a man that a man can change and be the man I had hoped he would be years before. I am thankful for God, my country and the love that surrounds us all. It is good to be thankful not only today but all year round.