Noodle Spoiling My Children??

J and I talked about plans for Gulfport living last night. He said he needs me to find something solid work wise. He doesn't mind that I may want to be in the restaurant business but he doesn't think that I should keep that job if I move down with him to Mississippi. He thinks that it is OK for Jersey, but he says he's seen guys at the bar down there hang out for hours and leave quarters for a tip upon departure. I assured him I can find something, but I want to stay in the business for a while. It is easier to get a job in it. I also assured him that if I want I can pursue Insurance still. I have a year to test with the Property and Casualty and if I pass within the year I can be licenced and go back into insurance. My only issue with that though is transferring in not that easy. If I am licenced in NJ than I would also have to go through Courses in Miss.

I don't wanna come back from saving the world and have to save the world back home too!! you gotta get your stuff together girl if this move to Mississippi is to run smoothly!
I can't believe I'm talking about This Marriage thing!! Its just not me!! Says J
You could tell what kind of goofy grin was on his lips while he said that.

I asked him a pretty serious question last night. I had actually thought it might have freaked him out, but he said he was fine so I just spit it out. I wanna be a house wife I said... I want to stay home and take care of my kids. I do not look down on families that have their kids in daycare, because that is how they survive and I myself have worked for daycare... I just personally want to stay home with my own. I would have them in part time to learn to be around other children other than their siblings, but other than that I don't wanna miss a step or a beat with my children!! surprisingly he agreed with that, he doesn't want a stranger taking care of his children, he'd rather me do it. I said with your profession, having family there to watch over them would be hard and he said he understood and that he could imagine Uncle Noodle (one of the kids in his unit) watching the kids and bringing them to get ice cream while J and I went out for dinner somewhere and telling them not to tell Daddy he was spoiling them but getting caught with sprinkles on his lips when we got back form our night out. We laughed about it and at the same time felt kinda overwhelmed at the thought that our lives maybe the typical family living one day. a little house with a couple kids, breakfast in the morning, bed time stories at night. WoW!! I was however BEAMING over the conversation. I couldn't wipe the goofy smile off my face after J and I hung up form our 3 hour conversation.

"What did you guys talk about?!" C inquired more than once.
"You'll see in September" I laughed
You guys are going to get married! I know it! C insisted.

Not Goodbye, it's See you in September!!

I was talking to my friend Rick. He's Army and in Fort Bragg, But he has been my rock dealing with this Military relationship stuff. If I have questions I ask him. He doesn't know alot about Navy but he still makes me feel better.
"Jess are you about to have a melt down?! Do I need to call someone??!" He said with a half laugh and more concern.
"No. I'm ok. I'm still down on the Seabee Base right now so I can get my head up fast."
He told me He'll be without his phone for 18 days. If I need to talk call his wife. I promised I would.

One down. We said our "See you in September" to ATL 20 minutes ago. He's headed to the airport to attach with his unit in Kuwait J and Noodle meet them tomorrow. From there they all go their separate ways.

I have to admit that these guys have a very big spot in my heart now! The couple of weekends S and I have spent with them we've all become a little tight knit family. It hasn't even phased me when I was laying in bed soon and they all gathered in mine and J's room to get over to muster. I didn't freak. It was perfectly fine them seeing me half way asleep cuddled up in bed with my hair a mess. I just heard Noodle say "Aw man! I'm so Jealous!" and went back to sleep.



There's battle gear all over the place in our room. Woodland and Coyote camo, jungle and Desert packs. I don't even know where to start to get my stuff outta here. I moved into the hotel. I would stay here forever if it meant I felt close to J. I'm in cadence and camo heaven right now... course soon enough I would have my little realization that J isn't here with me and I'll be sad again.

I'll wait for you Baby!! I promise you I will!!

J got held back because of dentle. He's actually at the dentist right now for the 3rd time in the last 3 days. J was supposed to leave with ATL today. I get a little extra time with him now, but he's gonna be a little cranky when he gets back and then S and I hit the road shortly after. I would do anything to just stay here with him.

My God I can't wait until September!!!

Dear God Keep Him safe.
Be with him and the boys these months ahead!!
Hold my hand through my sleepless nights
and tears I may cry. I promise
I will be as strong as I can but I need a hand!!
I'll send letters and take lots of pictures
spend lots of time watching for him in the sky
and in the summer stars
And when those leaves start to change
Please swiftly bring him back to me!!

Trip Log

March 1, 2009 12:35 mileage @ start 174364
little under half tank of gas.
Leave Madison Elks Parking lot on route for Gulfport MS

stop 1: 30miles in @ Lebanon, NJ
$14 to fill the tank and hit the road

mile 17 on 78west a police officer pulls me over for "driving too slow"
"You're lost I'm guessing" he asks along with my License, registration, and Insurance.
We told him we're headed to Mississippi and he let us go.

Around 1:3o am Pennsylvania Welcomed us. Sammie was sleeping.
the sign actually said "welcome to ylvania" it was chopped off for some reason



2nd stop in blinding snow storm Shippensburg, PA 194 miles into the trip.
$10 of gas @ $1.89/gallon
spoke with an Army Guy on his way to Fort Benning for training.
"Keep your head up and your eyes low!" was his message for the boys!

4:38 am Maryland Welcomes us.
not as much snow thank God!!

4:49 am West Virgina Welcomes us

5:13 am Virgina Welcomes us

5:48 am S takes the Wheel.

7am Sheetz stop in Staunton, VA with 368 milage
$10 of gas @ $1.75 a gallon

8:36 am GoMart Salem, VA
initial stop for food... but we filled the tank too
$3.90 worth @ $1.69 per Ga

S is starting to Get Sassy!!
I didn't like her attitude!! lol

11:04 am 602 miles into the trip.
S wanted to look at a map but I said no.
A giant Guitar flippin sweet!
Lets see how long it takes for J to get us lost. Kidding!!
74 miles to Alabama??
Who knows!
We met someone for NJ at the rest stop. Her husband was an aviator in the Navy for 28 years!!
J is a crazy bitch S is J's little girl (She thought she won something there)



11:52am Greenville, Tennessee birthplace of Davey Crockett
Gas stop. 642 miles in

3:15 pm We made it to Georgia.
Sign Read "We're glad you're thinking of us"
Daffodils. tulips, and Killer Tracker Trails welcome us as well!
Along with Blue Skies and Poofy clouds!!!!



2:55 pm Central 888 miles into the trip
"Alabama the beautiful" and the central time zone welcome us
it looks like spring down here!!

S needs to learn how to drive with her knee.
& she is evil because she's making fun of me for being jumpy but I'm tired!!!
It snowed in "Bring em ham"!

5:50 pm stop for gas, oil, and coffee in Prattvillie, Alabama
mileage 1088
I got coffee and the man at the counter said it was free.
"Why?" I inquired.
"because you're in the Navy."
He teased. "I'm not in the Navy my boyfriend is." I giggled.
"We just give the coffee out." he said with a friendly smile.

8:43 pm Mississippi welcomes us @ 1277miles

I Lied

March 1st 2009, 9:02 pm Central Time
Mississippi Welcomes Us!!
Sign reads "Its like Coming home"
1299 miles and 22 hours later we finally made it!

The things we do for love

J's deployment is coming soon and all too fast. I am very unsure to take it. All I know is that I am extremely thankful for the small (really big) things that we have spoken about these last couple of days. J can be a very unemotional person. I finally got something I needed out of him. He told me he wants to come home and be with me and only me the other day. I was so happy I thought I would die!! REALLY! I dont have to worry that he doesn't want a future with me.

So the things you do for love...

Late Saturday evening I was talking with him while tending bar at the Madison Elks Club and for the sake of "Not Me Monday"



I did not convince J that it would be nice to see him again even if we didn't have a lot of extra time together. I did not jump in the car with S and make our way down to Southern Miss again. We did not put over 1300 miles on my little black Neon and make it here last night around 10ish central time. Nope not me. and I am not sitting on the Gulfport Seabee Base in a Hotel room Posting this.

March 1st 2009, 9:02 pm Central Time
Mississippi Welcomes Us!!
Sign reads "Its like Coming home"
1299 miles and 22 hours later we finally made it!

The Things We do for Love!

ReGrouping In Southern Jersey

I'm still a mess. I wish I could say I was not... but I am. I decided I would make my home base My Grandparent's place in LEH, NJ. I always find my way home when I come down here. In fact, before I could even drive and barely even ride a bike... I remembered my way to Grandpa's house. It is my favorite place on the face of the planet not only because I can be near my favorite people, but because I can sit outside, smell the salt in the air and listen.... it is so quiet down here that you can hear someone cough on the other side of the lagoon.



Grandpa and Grandma have very open minds and want to hear exactly what is on your mind. As anyone, if they don't agree they will tell you. But for people of their generations there is no gap between our minds. Grandma wants us to go to church more and find our faith, Grandpa wants us to succeed in life... but they both understand that we are free spirited and they encourage us to grow and be honest with them no matter what the issue. Sometimes they are grandparents but the best part about grandparents is that they don't have to act their age and they are really just big kids that have a crazy amount of wisdom and maybe a few wrinkles from having way too much fun in their lives.

S and I aren't the same since our trip to Gulfport.



She came back with a Seabee of her own that is in J's unit. ATL ,as I nicknamed him because I couldn't get any of the kids' names right in New Orleans, is a Crazy SOB with a big heart, short attention span, easily annoyed, trusting of only some people... and totally head over heals for S. I was also calling him "mini-me (J)" the last lap of our trip. "He's not like me" J would Grumble. "oh ya? You weren't like him at 20?" I'd giggle. Funny thing is I can only guess what J was like at 20. I didn't meet him until he was 24 but he's told me lots of stories. So I never called ATL "Mini-me" in Atl's presence though. I didn't want him to assume that he was cool like J or anything ;-)

Point of my ramblings I think though, is because I had such an amazing time out there with him and all his friends reality is very painful now. Nothing feels right being away from him. I don't like feeling this way. It hurts. It hurts in my heart, in my Tummy, in my Eyes... In my head. I feel as if I am whining and complaining and should be stronger and get back to my life! but it sucks. Today is just a bad day right now. I know as soon as I get him on the phone and hear his voice it could be the difference between a smile and tears.





My main concern I think is that J is about to get deployed and I hate it. I have gone through almost every single emotion I think I have these past couple of days. I'm trying to figure out which friends will actually support me and just be there for me when and if I cry. I'm afraid I scared them away when he left for RTC. Now I have 6 months to cry alone and toughen up by myself. I am very frightened about that.



I have this blog which helped me through boot camp... but I don't wanna be the girl who complains that her boyfriend is far away. Tomorrow is another day and my best bet I know is prayers and faith. Less time to think by finding a job and lots of letters and care packages, My CNGs on facebook, thinking to myself that 6 months is NOTHING compared to some of my friends deployments in other branches of the military. I know I can do this with a little faith.

Left My Heart in Southern Miss

Mississippi on my mind

Miracles do happen!!!
Mississippi here We come!!!!

C bailed and my cousin S jumped on!!! We're leaving tonight!!!!!!!
I think I'm still in Shock!! I think I'm gonna die!!!!

I LOVE IT!!!

We should be in Gulfport by afternoon Tomorrow!!!
WoW!!

I love Valentine's Day this year!! I get to spend it with my SEABEE!!!

Sleepless in PA, Dreaming about Mississippi

Last week one of J and my friends C made last minute plans to go to visit J is Mississippi. I'll tell ya I am pretty broke, but Spending my last couple hundred to see him one more time (maybe the last before he deploys) would be completely fine to me. I am spontaneous like that I guess... But C is not... At all.
So when J called me up last night freaking out about these plans
"I better find out if this is actually happening" "blah blah"

Me: Love you Baby!

And C gave him the go I decided WoW! this is REALLY happening...

I Can't just assume that anything is ACTUALLY going to happen in my life... I tend to get let down when I rely on other people. so I try not to get to excited about things...

THIS TIME was no exclusion... sadly enough.
C bailed on me around 7:30 ... Said she can't do it because she has a project she has to finish. Re Do actually.

J was excited too... SO now both of us are let down.

so I got 2 issues with doing this by myself:
My Car (I love her but she is not reliable enough to take her cross country)
Me... alone on a drive cross the USA... 20 hours.

Shoot I could try to go it slow... Stop in the Carolinas over night and visit friends and then go from there....
But on a little less than $300 that I have right now it might not work...

Who knows... maybe I'll get a miracle. Maybe Grandma will let me borrow her car.
So Here I am with my restless heart and my Wide Awake Dream of Seeing Gulfport With my Seabee!!

Shock is wearing off

yesterday I started to realize that J was no longer in NJ.

It's hard to see him so far away. :(

it's also hard that my civilian friends seem to have completely ignore me in my time of need... I think they got tired of hearing me cry when J left for boot camp. I don't blame them too much. They have their own lives to deal with right now... but it stinks. besides I also don't blame them because all they would have said to me was "I dunno how you do it." or "You chose to date him when you knew he was leaving so you shouldn't be upset." (then I would have been REALLY pissed)

I have my CNGs on Facebook though. They have been keeping me tough!! And
I'm lucky, the last couple of days J's A school buddy has helped me keep my mind off J being gone. N lives 5 minutes from my Uncle's house and I retreated up here on Thursday a couple hours after I woke up. I would not have been able to deal with my Jersey friends as bad as that sounds. N is a true friend of J's. I think J trusts him more than his friends at home.

N says "that's what Seabees do. Take care of our own and their families!"


Baby:

You're there, I'm here.............
We have a problem

Time flies

I cannot believe it is already Monday. God I don't want Wednesday to come!! We can hear the Navy calling J in Mississippi.

Saturday we hung out with N, J's Texas A School partner in crime. It was so cool hanging out with him finally. I got to see the two of them together which by conversations with J and J putting N on the phone I could already almost picture it in my head. N was exactly like he sounded in person. A really cool guy and J and him were like two peas in a pod. I think my favorite part of the whole evening was when we came to J's house and we were sitting in the living room and J and N starting sounding off Seabee cadences. I laughed. I was in J's lap and he was tapping out the beat on my thigh. I loved every minute of it!

The Terrors of Wichita Falls Air Force Base

Saturday night I was already starting to go in and out of tears... silent ones but none the less Wednesday is far too close and J goes back to Mississippi.

"Baby are you sad?" J asked while holding me close.
I was holding back tears. "yes. I don't want Wednesday to come."
"Baby do N & I have to sing more cadences for you? Will that make you happy?"
I laughed "yes!"

Sunday was fun. We all woke up at the same time and made our way downstairs. N was already awake saying "I'm hungry Kuli! It's Chow time!"

We made our way to the diner and had a nice breakfast, then I drove for a little bit and insisted we stop at the Legion for Nat's Famous Bloody Mary's.

The remiandar of the day I bartended at the Elks Club. It was a LLLLoooooNNGG day! The bar was packed cause everyone came down to see J.


I woke up this morning with tears in my eyes again. J didn't see me cry but as much as I know he has to go back to Mississippi... I don't want him to. Wednesday is going to be rough. Gotta make today count.

Wish me luck!