58 days to go!

Missing someone gets easier every day because even though it's one day further from the last time you saw each other, it's one day closer to the next time you will. ~Author Unknown

So I guess I just double guessed J. This deployment stuff sucks. I always double guess and get all out of sorts for no reason. It is typical to feel this way. Luckily I have J's facebook password and I took that silly plead for attention letter away before he read it. I do this to myself all the time, but the fact of the matter is he loves me and that will not change. Pushing him now will only push him away from me and that is not my goal. I just have to wait until he comes home.

My "operation damned if I do" was silly. I can't ignore his calls... I did not answer the first call but it gave me a panic attack and he called right back and I answered.
I told him that the inn let me go, and he wasn't happy about that, but he said it was ok. I pleaded he not look down on me for it because it was not my fault. that was ok. I feel much better getting that off my chest.

I can't stand my constant PMS over this lol!! I'm such a drama queen sometimes.



All that matters is I WILL be down in Miss when he comes home. I told him I wanted to be there to hug and kiss him when he gets off that bus!

Operation Damned if I do, Damned if I don't

God I wonder if I really am cut out for this... But I know I am... Just need the push...


I know this may sound like a silly question but it drives me crazy. J has Facebook. I bugged him to open an account because it would be easier to keep in touch with me and all his friends especially because he's deployed right now. But this is the silly thing that drives me crazy... He doesn't respond to me, any of my messages, wall posts, nothing But he talks to everyone else. why does he do this... is he testing me to see how far I will take it until I burst? or is it not a game at all...

I've mentioned that I never know if he gets me emails because he never responds, I've written him letters, He hasn't responded and even though He doesn't spend alot of time on the Internet (he's not the type) He responds to just about everyone else that messages him. Don't get me wrong I get a phone call every couple of days which half his friends don't get that so I am thankful, but I've told him it would help me feel better about waiting for him if I had something physical. and he'll just ask for more packages...

Why does he do this... is he trying to push me away or does he just want to keep his feelings away from me so he doesn't hurt from the separation?

Deployment bites. I feel like I'm damned if i do and damned if I don't. I have to face mentioning it to him if it bothers me too much, but I feel like I'm being stupid.

♥ Letter to J:

against my better judgment I'm going to flat out ask you why you never respond to me I love your phone calls Baby, but I would also love to have a little more positive attention. Like a "ya I'm having a good day" or a "I can't wait to see you either" or an "I love you" or something positive! only one time you responded to anything on this facebook or email was that stupid negative post on the picture of vodka which hurt my feelings.

I need to hear you need me, want me, and love me. sappy or not it would make it so much easier for me.
I'm not trying to be a pest. I'm here for you 100 percent of the way. Just give me something to hang on to please?

I love you J!


I felt so whinny sending this to him, and it just kills me. I really think that he doesn't post on my page because it's easier not to hurt C, just but I have mentioned it before. I'm far too paranoid sometimes... I just need to know what he is thinking. Like he's already saying it would be dumb for me to move to Mississippi when he comes back because he won't be there for long, but he's there for at least another year and a half. So his lack of response on Facebook is killing me... and generally the phone calls are just send me packages... so in my head I'm like WTF I mean are you just using me for packages and then gonna drop me when you get home?


Operation Don't give a Damn....

Tell ya the truth, my heart says hang in there only a couple more months ... but my head says get outta there before he hurts ya Jess...

And once he gets back to the states he WILL pay more attention to me... I dunno..

I can say this when it doesn't come to me... Jay is kinda a weird case to crack always has been... So I've decided to not be so readily available to him and ignore a couple of his phone calls... He seems to get a little weirded out when he thinks I need him "Too much" so i need to get fired up and stand up for myself... then he comes back cause he doesn't wanna lose me.

I hate psychology sometimes. I gotta treat him like a little kid and I get results. Damn military guys!!

Here we are at home!

Box #2 headed to my man

I guess I've fallen in love with making my Seabee happy. :-) Course I have always loved doing that. When J was in RTC I wrote him every day. Now that he is on Deployment... He asked I not write him everyday. but in the same breath said "Where's my package??"

Tropical Skittles (J's favorite)
Peach Rings
Gummy Worms
A Deck of Playing Cards
a couple items I did not send in the first package, and honestly, His favorites...
aside from the Gummy Worms... They're resends.. J said he finished the gummy worms as soon as he opened the package... I had to send him more.

His Second box was inspired by one of our last conversations. J had a late watch and he said he read through an entire National Geographic. Now National Geographic has been a fantastic magazine for years, but it is not really a favorite reading material of a guy like J. He likes man things, islands, girls (but only to look at), Music, and Movies. So I decided to send him some fun reading material;

Island Magazine
Maxim
Rolling Stone
Esquire

I don't know much about Esquire, Clint Eastwood on the cover made me think that J would be interested. I told him I got him "some men's magazine" He was like "a what?" Tell ya the truth, these will all probably bore him, but who knows. The Island Magazine will make him jealous he isn't home... or on some beach somewhere. Maxim is a cool magazine... but really? J is a pain in the butt... He doesn't care about celebrities and what they are doing unless they are in a great movie, or singing a song he wants to listen to. Not really interested in making himself look more handsome (cause he's hot just the way he is), doesn't care about the newest trends and really has only had a Facebook page for a couple months cause I talked him into it.

Tucker Max's "I hope They Serve Beer in Hell"
Is a book he's going to love.

In fact I fell in love with it already myself, and wanted very much to finish it BEFORE I sent it off to J.
This man is hilarious. I found myself laughing to myself in the middle of rooms full of people while reading this book. In fact I was so engulfed in the first chapter, that much to my friend's dismay... I did not want to partake in the Power Hour session accruing at C's place. Only few books keep my attention. I would much rather write to tell you the truth. I know a handful of guys that are rude and lewd like him... and these guys happen to be friends of mine. I was laughing so hard I almost cried picturing the shenanigans of his and his friends in Chapter 2, The Night we Almost died. J'll be done with this book in no time, and asking me for another after that.

Due to my Grandmother's health and a little Omen (a book she owns fell on the floor next to my luggage suitcase in the back room I sleep in when I'm there called "The Camel Knows the Way" Grandmom said I should read it and I had to send J Tucker Max's book right away because it was highly distracting.

Oh yes and the Cracker Jacks:

merely because of Sailor Jack. For he may not be on a boat, but a Navy man he is. I can hear it now:

"I'm not a Sailor!!"

I love you Baby Come home soon!!

First Deployment Package

Just some stuff to remind J of home.

Lemon slices, Mint Lifesavers, Assorted Flavored Lifesavers, pack of gum, Gummy worms, Orange slices, Twizzlers, Country time Lemonade, and Tropical Starbursts

2 small boxes of liquid gel Advil, Aloe, Kleenex, Giant Tub of Tums Smoothies, Blistex

I love New Jersey Stickers (one says "JERZ" on it),

a Stuffed Snake to remind him of our baby Scar

(who REALY is not a baby. SHE's Huge now)

2 tee shirts; 1 from the American Legion and 1 from the Garden State Parkway that says NEW JERSEY on it.

a whole bunch of cards with notes by a bunch of friends

craziness!!!
finally packed tight and sent with love from New Jersey

Another Fun thing to do when you're at Wal-Mart getting a whole lot of fun stuff to send to your deployed boyfriend:

Get a cute blouse and purse for $16.

All and all, this was a blast and the best part is thinking of his smile when he opens this box and how maybe I will be the opposite of "the worst girlfriend ever!" as he called me last week when I told him I had only sent letters in the mail. He was like a little kid; the one who doesn't want clothes for Christmas. He'd rather a package than letters. I have to laugh.

I love you Baby!! Come home soon!!
"getcha flippin kinda trippy like a Mississippi hippie"
<3,
Jessica Lynn

What's Worse?

Dunno what's worse... Missed calls or interrupted calls...

I was literally on the line with J a couple minutes ago and the call was completely interrupted... "Baby?!" I questioned with concern...
wondering what that strange noise was... then I thought About it a couple seconds.
"Baby? Hello?" Then the line hung up.

I don't know what's worse!!! Now I'm thinking the interrupted line could be millions of things... but if it was something simple why didn't J just call me back... He knows I'll freak...
I'll just have to tell myself everything is going to be alright and I'll hear his voice in no time. sooner than later I hope.

Emotions; is it time to level out now?

Dear emotions,

I've been thinking about how you are effecting me these days...

How I am not so much the same person I have been in the past because of you.

Well, after I have put some thought it to our situation I have come to a decision.

It is time to take myself back from the rolling ball of PMS that I have become (especially this last month)!
Missing J is one thing, but worrying so much about our future is something I can not do until the Future is here, So Emotions... STOP taking over!

If J doesn't call me day 1, you seem to be fine...
When day 2 of lack of J's voice comes... you make me cranky (and maybe that's funny to you, but I am not amused and neither are some of the people around me),
Day 3 and I'm ehhh OK... but then I hear his voice. Emotions... you have got to stop making me bottle you up for MY own good and the sanity of the people around me...

So Can we PLEASE make a deal?
Though I know that dealing with deployment can make a girl crazy, I also know that I am lucky... J will be back in the states in no time... 6 months is nothing compared to the 12 months, or 18 month deployments some wives or girlfriends have to endure. So though this maybe my first deployment endurance... I think that you Emotions, need to settle... relax, stop making me a CRAZY girl!! August or September (whichever it may be) Will NOT come quicker if you do not stop making me nutty Emotions... Please understand the faster these days go the better relationship you and I will have Emotions.

I hope this little talk has helped you understand that I am ready to LEVEL out now!! :-)

All my love,
Jessica

P.S.
Also it would be nice if you stop keeping me up past 2 am every other night. I would like to start sleeping earlier so I can see more sun rises and feel more rested.
Thanks!!

defending my relationship

It seems that the last couple of weeks (which half of them J has spent in the desert) I have found myself defending my relationship with J to my family. Not all of them of course, but a couple big ones.

Mom being one of them. I have not technically been defending against my mother because Mother and I have not been speaking for the last month for things she had to say about J and other awful things she said to me in while I was Restless in Pennsy. I think she owes me an apology and she thinks she'll be able to give me one when he "proves her wrong".

Back to defending my relationship;

The other BIG that I find myself defending my relationship to is Grandpop. *sigh* which I hate... Because it is so hard to disagree with a man that has influenced me so much and has been a shining star in my life. His words are to be listened to, yet for the first time I have to talk back to him.

for two reasons I think;

1. Cousin S is dating ATL now and for some reason because the family doesn't understand how they could be "in love" after knowing one another for a couple days, the family is putting both S and I in the same boat.

ATL is deployed with J and ATL and S talk all the time. They seem quite diehard for one another for knowing each other for only days... but it is a VERY young relationship.

It is not a relationship like J and mine and should not be treated as such.

J moving me down to Mississippi when he returns from deployment is realistic to us. J and I aside for a year apart (which shouldn't count as less) to our almost 5 years of dating, loving, arguing, and crying. Hell we even lived together for a year and a half of our 5 years togehter.

I've already waited for 2 months of 5 letters and 1 phone call of Naval Recruit Training Command ( Navy Boot camp) 5 months of (Apprentice) A School (He called me almost every night) , and 2 weeks of restrictment with only 2 phone calls over Christmas and New Years. 7 months of waiting to be in his arms again.

Shoot! I can make it through 6 months of deployment after all that. There is only 4 months and 3 weeks until his return.

REGARDLESS,

none of this Mississippi living banter is unrealistic for J and I.

2. J did not propose to me when he was home on leave

J is not to be at fault for this. Why is it written in stone J must propose to Jess RIGHT NOW?
The family thinks he's nuts for not doing so because of the exra money he would have gotten paid for him and I upon his return. Does my family NOT understand that I DON'T CARE about his money.
J did not propose to my because he didn't want to leave me here waiting for his return on the chance that he didn't come back. J is not a 18 year old kid that joined the military fresh out of highschool. He has the normal fears of a 28 year old man and leaving me behind as his girlfriend scares him enough.


I am so tired of defending my relationship to my family. I love everyone very much but I do not need to defend my boyfriend to my family anymore. it's not fair. have me defend him in 6 months when I can call him up and cry about things or just get a hug when he comes home from work... not when he is 7000 miles away, in a 7 hour time difference, and can only call me on an international phone card.

as I lie awake, my mind is with you

I was laying wide eyed awake last night until about 5 am. Posting goofy little saying about my love for my Seabee. God I miss him. I understand how it gets easier, the wait for him to arrive home, but right now my mind doesn't want to comply. It wants to wander off to far off places (mainly Kuwait) and sit beside him as he works.



At 4 am I posted on my Facebook stats:

Jessica Lynn ~ as I lie awake this night, my mind drifts off to foreign lands, and half my heart works busy as a Bee, in that foreign hot deserts' sands.8 hours ago

His Good friend Neil Told me the other day, He had a Dream I dressed in Cammo and painted my car in cammo and an airplane dropped it off in the desert so I could go find J.
LOL Neil! He doesn't understand how my car made it to Mississippi or how I was crazy enough to drive it there in the first place. lol!

And my final random Girl missing her boyfriend babbling...

I walked away from my phone for 1 second to change in the bathroom that has no service... and what do I hear??
Anchor's Away playing outside the door. I fumble to get my pants on but through my shaking I cannot make it out the door clothed (and I have to because my two boy cousins are in the room outside) So my first missed call from Kuwait!
Luckily J says on the voicemail he'll call back after he calls his father in case I'm in the shower. So I"m not completely out of luck this time!

A long wait or short it doesn't seem to matter!
Missing him is still the same.
The first month is the hardest I hear...
"The things {we} do for our country" ~ Triple X

I Hope The Camel Spiders Eat him!!!

Well I got my first cranky phone call from the desert!!
Grrr to you too Baby!!!

My Friend K, who's fiance J is National Guard and he is fighting out in Iraq as we speck,
got me this book when I got back from my trip to Mississippi. ;

Thank you K!!! Great Book!!!


I've been reading this book a little here and a little there...

Some of it I just knew... because well I know my Psychology and I know How men in general are.... like the "I'd rather be mad than hurt game" it explains in it Pre-departure to deployment. That is exactly why J was being a big jerk in "Emotions run high in Southern Miss"


says that after departure day you become resentful of your military loved one for leaving you to fend for yourself...
I'm not a Self Help Book kinda girl but it is kinda dead on...
I'm kinda hating him and wishing the Camel Spiders get him tomorrow
(even though if they did I would be really sad)

Ewwww!!!!
and REALLY I would never ever want this thing on my boyfriend!!!
No matter how cranky he is.

So if the Camel Spiders decide you and ATL aren't tasty enough J (which they darn well better)... Than I can't wait to hear your voice again because I miss you and I miss your voice!!

ALT on Camel Spiders! : yeah but they're a foot in diameter, kinda hard to miss


So I just learned Camel Spiders are as big as a thumb... that IS big... but not big enough to eat a couple Seabees ... So I guess J and ATL are safe. darn it!!! And also I did read up on the Camel Spiders...

Some common Camel Spider Myths:

1. Camel spiders can move at speeds over 30 MPH, screaming while they run.
2. Camel spiders can be as large as a frisbee.
3. Camel spiders venom is an anesthetic that numbs their prey.
4. Camel spiders can jump three feet high.
5. Camel spiders get their name because they eat the stomachs of camels.
6. They eat or gnaw on people while they sleep. Due to the numbing effect of their venom, the victim is unaware until they awake.

And my final add on today...

Although this book seems cool enough, I think I will read it IF and WHEN I am a military spouse... Until then... maybe My CNG deployment Buddy Jillian and I will write our own Book.

"dating a military man" "the Girlfriend's point of veiw"

Phone Calls From The Desert

I made my way up north Yesterday for a hair cut, But I got frustrated and decided to call J's dad to see if he was going to the Legion. He said Why are you there? I said No, But I was hoping you would be there! I need a hug and a little Turkey Hunting.

About three o'clock pm I arrived down at the legion and sat next to Ray. Ray Started asking Questions about J and where he was... I said I haven't heard from him all i know is He'll call me from some random number. Sure enough the phone rings... and it was some weird 999 number!! I Jumped!!! Its my Baby!!!!!

So Good to hear his voice! I really hate the fact that the next 6 months I will only be able to hear his voice once and a while. but I know I'm Lucky... Its 6 months. Some Military Families have to do 12 to 18 months... I keep telling myself 6 months is nothing!!

He says its all sand and that's it. He's bunking with Noodle and ATL and it was going on 10 pm over there. 7 hours in the future.

Be safe my love!!!

So kiss me and smile for me tell me that you wait for me!!

My phone rings J's Ring (on his old A school Phone it is "Anchors Away") and when I answer J sings "So kiss me and Smile for me, tell me that you'll wait for me..."

My heart drops.
Departure Day is finally here and almost over.


1 day down!!
How many days left until September Baby?

God please Keep him safe!!
And please bring him home to me!!

Not Goodbye, it's See you in September!!

I was talking to my friend Rick. He's Army and in Fort Bragg, But he has been my rock dealing with this Military relationship stuff. If I have questions I ask him. He doesn't know alot about Navy but he still makes me feel better.
"Jess are you about to have a melt down?! Do I need to call someone??!" He said with a half laugh and more concern.
"No. I'm ok. I'm still down on the Seabee Base right now so I can get my head up fast."
He told me He'll be without his phone for 18 days. If I need to talk call his wife. I promised I would.

One down. We said our "See you in September" to ATL 20 minutes ago. He's headed to the airport to attach with his unit in Kuwait J and Noodle meet them tomorrow. From there they all go their separate ways.

I have to admit that these guys have a very big spot in my heart now! The couple of weekends S and I have spent with them we've all become a little tight knit family. It hasn't even phased me when I was laying in bed soon and they all gathered in mine and J's room to get over to muster. I didn't freak. It was perfectly fine them seeing me half way asleep cuddled up in bed with my hair a mess. I just heard Noodle say "Aw man! I'm so Jealous!" and went back to sleep.



There's battle gear all over the place in our room. Woodland and Coyote camo, jungle and Desert packs. I don't even know where to start to get my stuff outta here. I moved into the hotel. I would stay here forever if it meant I felt close to J. I'm in cadence and camo heaven right now... course soon enough I would have my little realization that J isn't here with me and I'll be sad again.

I'll wait for you Baby!! I promise you I will!!

J got held back because of dentle. He's actually at the dentist right now for the 3rd time in the last 3 days. J was supposed to leave with ATL today. I get a little extra time with him now, but he's gonna be a little cranky when he gets back and then S and I hit the road shortly after. I would do anything to just stay here with him.

My God I can't wait until September!!!

Dear God Keep Him safe.
Be with him and the boys these months ahead!!
Hold my hand through my sleepless nights
and tears I may cry. I promise
I will be as strong as I can but I need a hand!!
I'll send letters and take lots of pictures
spend lots of time watching for him in the sky
and in the summer stars
And when those leaves start to change
Please swiftly bring him back to me!!

Emotions Run High in Southren Miss

I really need some reassurance today. I know I'm not the only one... but it feels like I am. J and I have had some really serious fun and a bunch of alone time these last couple of days!! He is freaking out a little though. Feeling smothered by me because he is used to being alone. He did a 180 yesterday after his friend left the hotel room. J turned into this cold unemotional say anything to make me unhappy jerk. the bed in this hotel room is tiny and he wouldn't even cuddle with me. I freaked out. My tears don't always make him snap out of his anger... more times than not he gets colder, I think because he assumes I am crying to make him personally feel bad and not because it is just a normal reaction for an over stressed and sad girl.

I've noticed he has gotten this way more times closer to when he has to let me go and maybe he does it because it is easier for him to shut down his emotions so he can feel better. He did it the day before he left for Boot camp, was a jerk to me the day he left, got cold for a short time the day before his family and I were about to leave him after his graduation form RTC and a couple times while he was on leave. this leaving me wondering WTF am I waiting for him....??? but then its over like it never happened...

I cannot make too many excuses for him but I do understand it is because he is scared... but How do I counter act him when his deployment is coming sooooo close. generally I can slow down the reaction by asking him to please consider my feelings and reminding him that it may be extremely hard for him to leave... but I also have a lot to handle with him leaving too... and that I just want to have a good note instead of a bad taste when waiting for him... because it is the only thing I know how to do. I told him, if I lost him I would lose my home... because that is what he is... the say all end all, my heart and my soul belong to him alone. I plead please be gentle.

I may sound crazy here but crazy is how I feel sometimes. If anyone has a similar story or any ideas how I can try to break this so we can have a good last night together please help!!

"With your help,Dear God, I'll try to stay strong...

and pray that his tie here at home will be long.

Still, "I know that the Navy will need him," I sigh

but we'll face it together, Dear Lord, you and I"

I should have time to check it, but if anything it may help me even tomorrow or the next days to come when we have to say our I'll see you in September!

ReGrouping In Southern Jersey

I'm still a mess. I wish I could say I was not... but I am. I decided I would make my home base My Grandparent's place in LEH, NJ. I always find my way home when I come down here. In fact, before I could even drive and barely even ride a bike... I remembered my way to Grandpa's house. It is my favorite place on the face of the planet not only because I can be near my favorite people, but because I can sit outside, smell the salt in the air and listen.... it is so quiet down here that you can hear someone cough on the other side of the lagoon.



Grandpa and Grandma have very open minds and want to hear exactly what is on your mind. As anyone, if they don't agree they will tell you. But for people of their generations there is no gap between our minds. Grandma wants us to go to church more and find our faith, Grandpa wants us to succeed in life... but they both understand that we are free spirited and they encourage us to grow and be honest with them no matter what the issue. Sometimes they are grandparents but the best part about grandparents is that they don't have to act their age and they are really just big kids that have a crazy amount of wisdom and maybe a few wrinkles from having way too much fun in their lives.

S and I aren't the same since our trip to Gulfport.



She came back with a Seabee of her own that is in J's unit. ATL ,as I nicknamed him because I couldn't get any of the kids' names right in New Orleans, is a Crazy SOB with a big heart, short attention span, easily annoyed, trusting of only some people... and totally head over heals for S. I was also calling him "mini-me (J)" the last lap of our trip. "He's not like me" J would Grumble. "oh ya? You weren't like him at 20?" I'd giggle. Funny thing is I can only guess what J was like at 20. I didn't meet him until he was 24 but he's told me lots of stories. So I never called ATL "Mini-me" in Atl's presence though. I didn't want him to assume that he was cool like J or anything ;-)

Point of my ramblings I think though, is because I had such an amazing time out there with him and all his friends reality is very painful now. Nothing feels right being away from him. I don't like feeling this way. It hurts. It hurts in my heart, in my Tummy, in my Eyes... In my head. I feel as if I am whining and complaining and should be stronger and get back to my life! but it sucks. Today is just a bad day right now. I know as soon as I get him on the phone and hear his voice it could be the difference between a smile and tears.





My main concern I think is that J is about to get deployed and I hate it. I have gone through almost every single emotion I think I have these past couple of days. I'm trying to figure out which friends will actually support me and just be there for me when and if I cry. I'm afraid I scared them away when he left for RTC. Now I have 6 months to cry alone and toughen up by myself. I am very frightened about that.



I have this blog which helped me through boot camp... but I don't wanna be the girl who complains that her boyfriend is far away. Tomorrow is another day and my best bet I know is prayers and faith. Less time to think by finding a job and lots of letters and care packages, My CNGs on facebook, thinking to myself that 6 months is NOTHING compared to some of my friends deployments in other branches of the military. I know I can do this with a little faith.

Restless in Pennsy

The road trip has defiantly led me to ready to run again!! Being on the road makes me free... and since I'm still in my situation in Pennsy / Jersey I wanna get out!! J's deployment is scaring me... I can't have my home because my home is wherever he is. so I still figure I will make my way to Virgina.

Yesterday sucked!! My mother woke me up yelling basically. She wanted her keys back because she doesn't want me to come and go as I please. Says I'm not to come back if I go to Jersey. When she was yelling at me I turned my music up like a disgruntled teenager. She continued to yell. In fact when I had no responce to her yelling she added J into the mix. Said he's using me and I must be an idiot. I would be fine if she didn't attack him. She thinks for some reason he should be sending me money. I don't want him to... If he could he would, but We aren't married yet and he shouldn't have to do that. I'm banking on getting my life on track before he gets home in September. Then we can REALLY know if this will all work out for the best. Till then my heart will be restless. my constant roaming and searching will not sit still.

I'm making my way to Pop Pop's today. His wisdom of years helps me decide what I want to do. If Grandpa doesn't agree with something... I look at it more than twice. His wisdom is worldly to me.

Any way... My question is What do I do??

Still lost... maybe even more than before.

so if deployment is a way of life why does it make my tummy hurt?

So I learned yesterday that J is going to be deployed come Feb. He has yet to get his official orders but he is pretty sure he will be attached to a Seabee unit that will be deploying soon. I'm really not sure as of now how I feel about it... all I know is it makes my tummy hurt. I'm not ready to lose him for another 6 months after I have been patiently waiting for him to come home for 6 months already. SO it's gotten worse. sigh... I shouldn't have written that letter to Santa! So here's my question for anyone who runs across this post. Does it get any easier? I've already received the answers I didn't want...

"Welcome to the military life Babe"
Thanks S. I'm proud to have a part of it.

"You knew this was going to happen That's why I told ya not to get attached."
Gee thanks for trying to tell me not to get too attached to the guy that I've had eyes for from the minute I met him. Oh and the guy that I spent almost a week on the couch because we broke up and now he's doing the right thing for himself and I'm willing to wait for him. Oops. Guess I'm the asshole.


So now I'm bumbed. I'm sure it gets easier. Just dunno how to take it right now. any suggestions?