Saturday, April 10, 2010
What Will Be Will Be Boyfriend
How many times does a relationship have to succeed? How many times can the bad out weigh the good? How many times can one prove that it's worth it, and you really want it. I'm no angel, but I know what I want for the most part. I promised myself I would not look for it right now... (What will be Will be) because I want it to be in my lap right now, but that promise is painful just a little. I know that Boyfriend is a wonderful man and he wants what I want. What I am not sure is if he wants it as much as I do. After so many days of his over drinking and my hiding my aggravation I again wanted so desperately to tell him it's the booze or it's me. Like I said, I'm no angel, but I'm trying to not over do my drinking. I'm so tired of watching what I want pass me by because of the alcohol. So instead, I asked Boyfriend if he could stop drinking so much, and then asked if we needed some time away from one another to decide if he was ready to do that. He told me he didn't need time away to not drink and he was tired of over doing it. It is unfortunate, but this has had to be proven to me before and he did... this time he's gone since Friday and is going strong. Resisting the beer even when it is in front of him. I'm very proud of him. I do fear though that I am asking him too much. That he doesn't want to grow up with me as much as he says. Only because we've had this problem a few times before. I am praying our relationship finds a way and that I am not asking too much, being a hypocrite, or the promises are just bidding time for another heart break.
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
A friend in USAF Boot Camp
We have a CNG in USAF Boot Camp! You know I love to write letters!! a*craig was such a big help to me when the Ex was deployed and is still a great friend! She has come so far! if anyone feels like writing her let me know, I'll send you her address. Ash has lots of support, but from what I understand the more support the better! This girl is so strong and I am sooo proud for her and her accomplishments over the last year! Go girl!!
March 27 CNG Post:
So I sent my first letter To Ash today. But there is a little story behind the picture That I can't wait to tell her about too. Since I didn't want to post my address on FB and only wanted to share the pic with you girls, I texted my email with the pic of Ash's letter. Well my Cell Phone is a touch screen (i kinda hate... it BTW) and while i was scrolling through my address book to get my select my email, not knowing, I also selected another friend of mine who happens to be a mail man in Morristown and sent the message. I get a text back from Brian saying "you want me to send that?" I was like Send what? and then I realized the amusing ironic mistake lol Oh !!! I miss Ash already!!!!!
March 27 CNG Post:
So I sent my first letter To Ash today. But there is a little story behind the picture That I can't wait to tell her about too. Since I didn't want to post my address on FB and only wanted to share the pic with you girls, I texted my email with the pic of Ash's letter. Well my Cell Phone is a touch screen (i kinda hate... it BTW) and while i was scrolling through my address book to get my select my email, not knowing, I also selected another friend of mine who happens to be a mail man in Morristown and sent the message. I get a text back from Brian saying "you want me to send that?" I was like Send what? and then I realized the amusing ironic mistake lol Oh !!! I miss Ash already!!!!!
Crazy Navy Girls Photos
hehe i also noticed just now that i wrote drom instead of dorm oops
March 27 at 4:56pm ·
The Easter Muskrat Helped the Jabberwocky Dry my Cell phone out
Jessica gotta love it, I move to Mass, I lose my phone, 6 and 1/2 months later I wash my phone... SO AGAIN I don't have everyone's phone numbers. SIGH or a camera!!!
Ok here's the most updated info on both Cell Phones:
I lost the go phone I had been using it must have fallen out of my pocket in the driveway and was found by my uncle, but he just took it and left it on the boat that is also in the driveway. Mind you the weather has been Awful MAss got a record amount of rain for the month of March. The rice worked! SO I gave up on finding the go phone and replaced the simcard so my Vu works perfectly now!! (Thank you for the suggestion you saved my phone!!) I told my uncle the the phone I put through the laundry was working again, and he asked "what about the cell phone I found in the driveway?" I said that was my other phone you and Aunt Cyndi helped me get in September. He said oh, well I either threw it out or its on the boat in the back. (not sure why he didn't just bring it inside there are a bunch of people that live in the house 3 units not including the garage I live above) luckily he put it on the boat and did not throw it out! I put that phone in the rice and now that is dried out and works perfectly too. the whole ordeal only $20 to get a new simcard at At&t (which is normally $25 but the guy gave me a break because I only had $20 in cash and was not sure how much was on my card).How's that for a book? all and all I have both phones again so if I happen to launder the Vu again I'll have my Go phone to back me up.
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Can't Wait for Jersey anymore!!!
Counter
Time until Saturday, March 13, 2010 at 8:00:00 AM (UTC time)
12 days
304 hours
18293 minutes
1097635 seconds
Alternative version It is 12 days, 16 hours, 53 minutes and 55 seconds until Saturday, March 13, 2010 at 8:00:00 AM (UTC time)
Time until Saturday, March 13, 2010 at 8:00:00 AM (UTC time)
12 days
304 hours
18293 minutes
1097635 seconds
Alternative version It is 12 days, 16 hours, 53 minutes and 55 seconds until Saturday, March 13, 2010 at 8:00:00 AM (UTC time)
Monday, February 15, 2010
Friend Making Monday
Friend Making Monday- Valentine's Day
1) How did you spend your Valentine's Day? What did you get? What did you do?
Well Unfortunately the day started off faulty. Boyfriend was out late drinking with a buddy the night before and I was mad at him. He was hung over and cranky and we argued in the morning. It was not resolved until later that evening after I got home from work.
I walked in and he had cleaned up the room, and the middle of the table from "Dirty Table" that was clean he had wrapped a couple things and had a card on top Labeled "My Love".
And Three red roses in a wine craft with an I love you. Great Salvage! I melted. I had told him I was going to make him Potato pancakes but after all the arguing and my 6 hour shift at work I was too tired to cook. 
I made them today instead. He told me that it was the best meal of the year and I He liked them better than his mothers. I told him not to tell his mom that! lol So between my gifts and his gifts The only issue is the serious amount of Chocolate that is in this room.
I walked in and he had cleaned up the room, and the middle of the table from "Dirty Table" that was clean he had wrapped a couple things and had a card on top Labeled "My Love".
And Three red roses in a wine craft with an I love you. Great Salvage! I melted. I had told him I was going to make him Potato pancakes but after all the arguing and my 6 hour shift at work I was too tired to cook. I made them today instead. He told me that it was the best meal of the year and I He liked them better than his mothers. I told him not to tell his mom that! lol So between my gifts and his gifts The only issue is the serious amount of Chocolate that is in this room. Thank you Amber {ae Flikins} for Friend Making Monday-Valentine's Day!!
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Dirty Table
This table was clean about a week ago for like 3 days then it looks like this in less than a week. Funny I had to take a picture of this before I actually clean it. in fact, my guess... I will not be cleaning it tonight either... I'm lazy tonight.
Thursday, February 11, 2010
I confess
One of Our Newest CNG Posted a new Discussion in our Group called "I Confess".
"Welcome to I confess....where you can say those things that you are holding in, especially when you don't have the luxury of being in contact, or when you don't have the courage to say them.....yet"
Most of the CNGs jumped right in with their confessions but I was extremely reluctant to try it, because reading the other girls posts made my tummy knot up. Seeing that Steph Posted her fear towards confessions on the CNG wall however made me feel better so through the knots I did it myself. I cannot post here what I said there... But I can say here that some of my doubts about mine and Boyfriend's relationship seemed to be seen in a second light. Admitting why I fear S and my relationship, why I tend to hold back made me see that maybe it is all just silly. Poor Boyfriend Takes so much BS from me. BS that my Ex wouldn't have even given me the time of day for.
I think I'm lucky, and I need to actually Believe it from now on. I know I am Lucky!!
I can confess something here though! I spend WAY too much time procrastinating on this computer. I think sometimes I hide myself in it... and maybe need a little break. Not necessarily from Blog, but defiantly from Facebook!
"Welcome to I confess....where you can say those things that you are holding in, especially when you don't have the luxury of being in contact, or when you don't have the courage to say them.....yet"
Most of the CNGs jumped right in with their confessions but I was extremely reluctant to try it, because reading the other girls posts made my tummy knot up. Seeing that Steph Posted her fear towards confessions on the CNG wall however made me feel better so through the knots I did it myself. I cannot post here what I said there... But I can say here that some of my doubts about mine and Boyfriend's relationship seemed to be seen in a second light. Admitting why I fear S and my relationship, why I tend to hold back made me see that maybe it is all just silly. Poor Boyfriend Takes so much BS from me. BS that my Ex wouldn't have even given me the time of day for.
I Must Let my Past go!!!
I think I'm lucky, and I need to actually Believe it from now on. I know I am Lucky!!
I can confess something here though! I spend WAY too much time procrastinating on this computer. I think sometimes I hide myself in it... and maybe need a little break. Not necessarily from Blog, but defiantly from Facebook!
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
What Makes One Jersey Anyways?
I cannot lie, I have been watching MTV's Jersey Shore cause I kinda think it's amusing. I mean really MTV IS all about the drama right? and it is just a show. I'm here in Massachusetts right now and watching it kinda makes me feel a little bit better about being away from home. One thing did Burn me up though... Episode 6 Sammie and Ronnie are leaving a club in a cab ride, and Ronnie makes some comment about her big toe and Sammie Freaks out ... Then Ronnie tells her she's "acting like a Real Jersey Girl" I was like WTF Sammie is no REAL Jersey Girl...
Tell me where these people think that a girl crying about her boyfriend making fun of her toe makes her a Jersey girl...
The Drama actually continued over her big toe like half the episode. She cried about her boy calling her toe big... actually CRIED
A real Jersey Girl makes fun of their boyfriend right back...
I mean Hell My toe is huge? Least I can wear shoes to cover them up... I don't know what your gonna do about your huge nose punk!
We laugh about it, maybe play fight... then its over.
This is what a REAL Jersey girl would do.
J-Pants!! I Died laughing!! LOL I think everyone needs a Jersey Shore Nickname! It's toooooo funny!
Tell me where these people think that a girl crying about her boyfriend making fun of her toe makes her a Jersey girl...
The Drama actually continued over her big toe like half the episode. She cried about her boy calling her toe big... actually CRIED
A real Jersey Girl makes fun of their boyfriend right back...
I mean Hell My toe is huge? Least I can wear shoes to cover them up... I don't know what your gonna do about your huge nose punk!
We laugh about it, maybe play fight... then its over.
This is what a REAL Jersey girl would do.
J-Pants!! I Died laughing!! LOL I think everyone needs a Jersey Shore Nickname! It's toooooo funny!
Monday, February 1, 2010
Not Me Monday
Well There are a couple things I did not do this weekend...My Car didn't overheat on the drive to SH's apt and we did not feed her Poland Spring to make it without stopping. Looks like Neon's getting snooty in her old age.
I didn't get to work on Sunday and realize I had forgotten to wear a bra (not like ANYONE but me noticed) oh and I'm NEVER in a rush to get to work because I never slack or stay out too late the night before... Not me
I didn't take my drinking boots out for a Spin Friday AND Saturday night. It didn't feel like the first time I was able to control these boots since I got to Massachusetts.
J: I think I got my drinking Boots back Baby
Boyfriend: What did ya leave them in New Jersey?
J: I think so corse I'm pretty sure its just the drinking here [MA] gets me hammered faster. I've never been so drunk so quick in Jersey. I think The Alcohol is Stronger in MA
Boyfriend: So that's why I was able to drink so much Hard booze in Jersey and not be drunk at all.
J: I think so
Boyfriend: I think you should send your drinking boots back to Jersey, Keep your Drinking Sneakers
drinking sneakers save me money hello!!!
Not MEWell all and all it was a fun weekend... None of this REALLY happened
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Neon Troubles and ♥Friend Feed Back
Yesterday my Neon overheats on the bridge turning right on to Bridge Street, put the hazards on and the lady behind me has her Van angled looked like she was ready to cut me off on the right is flipping me off because I wave her around. She's cursing me for two lights when she finally gets the idea to pull around me, Then she gives me a dirty look as she passes my over heated car. Sorry Lady My car stopped right in front of your car just to ruin YOUR morning!
Thank God there are some decent people around here two guys hopped out of their truck and pushed me around the bend. yay for A J Wood Construction. I have to write them a thank you note! Uncle O helped me figure out the problem later on in the morning. I did not run the car when I put Antifreeze in it. Bad Bad Bad. So Neon is a live and well and no longer overheating now. Sweet!!
Now for the Car Trouble annoying the heck out of me. I really need a break A trip to NJ so I can clear my head and realize that I don't belong there, but because That became not an option with the car over heating and the radiator steaming I will not be able to drive to Jersey as much as I want. so Now it looks like I have new things to add to my list, like Car? Truck? Wish me Luck. and I ♥ my Neon! I REALLY don't wanna give her up. I may have to and it hurts my feelings. :-(
This is what my friends thought about it when I posted on Facebook.
Yesterday at 9:43am Only Friends · ·
Massholes.
Yesterday at 10:11am ·
People are just sooo self centered. I guess the idea to ask you whether you would need help did not come to her mind. I have a Neon. So I guess once this piece of shit stops I am prepared for the worse.
Yesterday at 10:12am ·
what a bitch! hope you get your car fixed! =(
Yesterday at 10:18am ·
I would have asked if she needed help. 2 guys helped push neon around the bend. Every jerk has a good person to make up for the idiots of humanity. Neon's ok for now. But her clock is ticking.
Yesterday at 10:28am ·
Jess, I would've gotten out of the car and taken a shit on her windshield...but that's just me.
Yesterday at 10:51am ·
♥ lol! I love my friends!! ♥♥♥
Thank God there are some decent people around here two guys hopped out of their truck and pushed me around the bend. yay for A J Wood Construction. I have to write them a thank you note! Uncle O helped me figure out the problem later on in the morning. I did not run the car when I put Antifreeze in it. Bad Bad Bad. So Neon is a live and well and no longer overheating now. Sweet!!
Now for the Car Trouble annoying the heck out of me. I really need a break A trip to NJ so I can clear my head and realize that I don't belong there, but because That became not an option with the car over heating and the radiator steaming I will not be able to drive to Jersey as much as I want. so Now it looks like I have new things to add to my list, like Car? Truck? Wish me Luck. and I ♥ my Neon! I REALLY don't wanna give her up. I may have to and it hurts my feelings. :-(
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Pretend it's Monday , Friend making Monday
I didn't make it up on Monday AGAIN! So I'm pretending it's Monday today....
So Thank you Amber {ae Flikins} for Friend Making Monday!!
The Simple Woman's Daybook
So Thank you Amber {ae Flikins} for Friend Making Monday!!
Outside my window...
Unlike Monday its a cloudy but rainless evening. The cove is calm
I am thinking....
about a lot of things. Trying to figure out what my next big step is
I am thankful...
For the people around me. For the friendly faces at the River Street, and for Aunt C and Uncle O for helping me get a better grip on my life
I am praying...
for my family, for R who's shipped out for Haiti Disaster relief His wife and little one, for CNG J and her boyfriend who also shipped out for Haiti, for Bartender M who just lost his mother, for David Freese and his family and loved ones in Jersey for he has passed on from this Earth, finally, Mark and his faithful dog who also has passed.
I am reading... trying to,
a book that a friend wrote about growing up in Beverly, MA during WWII. I also want to pick up Dear John
I am creating...
a new open comfort zone... Trying to let people know me better up here.
From the kitchen...
I'm dying to try D.A.R.'s Recipe for Ravioli in a Tomato-Basil Cream Sauce
I'm telling you I will cause it looks soooo yummy!!
Around the house...
My Room is a mess!! I need to clean it AGAIN!!
One of my favorite things...
Snail mail.
A few plans for the rest of the week...
sending out cards, cleaning room, Laundry on Thursday, Closing at work with S on Friday!
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Friend Making Monday ~ To do (even though it's Thurs)
I've been meaning to start doing lists My first list was the Need/want list but I'm honestly looking to get deeper. Unfortunately my laptop is not always with me so I 
use a notebook and this notebook I drag to work so when I'm bored I write. With the new year I wanted to refer to a list of things to do, not only for daily or weekly but for a to do for the year. I stumbled across {ae Flikins} and her post Friend Making Mondays. This is perfect! I'm going to start here for my list of just the things I should work on everyday/ week at least.
To Do ~ Daily and Weekly
There's more but like I said some are for days and some are for the week and I will try my best to update this regularly considering I do accomplish things more readily when I make lists :-) over the last year I've referred to my Personal To Do list I made Nov 2008. honestly, the last couple of months I hadn't even looked at it until January when I pondered this list. It hasn't really changed but it has things on it that should always be understood and lived by.
use a notebook and this notebook I drag to work so when I'm bored I write. With the new year I wanted to refer to a list of things to do, not only for daily or weekly but for a to do for the year. I stumbled across {ae Flikins} and her post Friend Making Mondays. This is perfect! I'm going to start here for my list of just the things I should work on everyday/ week at least.To Do ~ Daily and Weekly
@>~}~~ ~~{~<@
@>~}~~ ~~{~<@
@>~}~~ ~~{~<@
@>~}~~ Clean room ~~{~<@
@>~}~~ Bring Dirty Dishes, coffee cups, laundry, spoons upstairs ~~{~<@
@>~}~~ wash windows ~~{~<@
@>~}~~ wash uniform ~~{~<@
@>~}~~ fold laundry and put it away ~~{~<@
@>~}~~ ~~{~<@
@>~}~~ Enforce Family dinner weekly with boyfriend S
Aunt C, Uncle O and the rest of the Webb Crew ~~{~<@
@>~}~~ ~~{~<@
@>~}~~ Look for a better Job ~~{~<@
@>~}~~ send out letters ~~{~<@
@>~}~~ clean out Neon (car) ~~{~<@
@>~}~~ check antifreeze / oil ~~{~<@
@>~}~~ call Grandparents and mother ~~{~<@
@>~}~~ Keep in touch with family and friends ~~{~<@
@>~}~~ make plans a couple months in advance ~~{~<@
@>~}~~ have needed "Girls Night" ~~{~<@
@>~}~~ spend less time on computer ~~{~<@
@>~}~~ read a book ~~{~<@
@>~}~~ Make a new Recipe ~~{~<@
@>~}~~ Sweep and mop room ~~{~<@
@>~}~~ open some windows for a little while if it is nice out ~~{~<@
@>~}~~ do not dwell on past ~~{~<@
@>~}~~ Remember What is Meant to be Will Be ~~{~<@
@>~}~Find a Church to go to ~~{~<@
@>~}~~ Say more prayers ~~{~<@
@>~}~~ Drink Less ~~{~<@
@>~}~~ When not happy find a way to be happy ~~{~<@
@>~}~~ Write Grandma Beth a To Do list ~~{~<@
@>~}~~ ~~{~<@
@>~}~~ Make sure to tell the people you love
that you love them ~~{~<@
@>~}~~ ~~{~<@
@>~}~~ always be thankful even for the little things ~~{~<@
@>~}~~ Consider Boyfriend S's wants too ~~{~<@
@>~}~~ Find new hobbies ~~{~<@
@>~}~~ Always add to this list ~~{~<@
@>~}~~ Remember Family and Friend's Birthdays ~~{~<@
@>~}~~ ~~{~<@
@>~}~~ ~~{~<@
@>~}~~ ~~{~<@
@>~}~~ ~~{~<@
@>~}~~ ~~{~<@
@>~}~~ Clean room ~~{~<@
@>~}~~ Bring Dirty Dishes, coffee cups, laundry, spoons upstairs ~~{~<@
@>~}~~ wash windows ~~{~<@
@>~}~~ wash uniform ~~{~<@
@>~}~~ fold laundry and put it away ~~{~<@
@>~}~~ ~~{~<@
@>~}~~ Enforce Family dinner weekly with boyfriend S
Aunt C, Uncle O and the rest of the Webb Crew ~~{~<@
@>~}~~ ~~{~<@
@>~}~~ Look for a better Job ~~{~<@
@>~}~~ send out letters ~~{~<@
@>~}~~ clean out Neon (car) ~~{~<@
@>~}~~ check antifreeze / oil ~~{~<@
@>~}~~ call Grandparents and mother ~~{~<@
@>~}~~ Keep in touch with family and friends ~~{~<@
@>~}~~ make plans a couple months in advance ~~{~<@
@>~}~~ have needed "Girls Night" ~~{~<@
@>~}~~ spend less time on computer ~~{~<@
@>~}~~ read a book ~~{~<@
@>~}~~ Make a new Recipe ~~{~<@
@>~}~~ Sweep and mop room ~~{~<@
@>~}~~ open some windows for a little while if it is nice out ~~{~<@
@>~}~~ do not dwell on past ~~{~<@
@>~}~~ Remember What is Meant to be Will Be ~~{~<@
@>~}~Find a Church to go to ~~{~<@
@>~}~~ Say more prayers ~~{~<@
@>~}~~ Drink Less ~~{~<@
@>~}~~ When not happy find a way to be happy ~~{~<@
@>~}~~ Write Grandma Beth a To Do list ~~{~<@
@>~}~~ ~~{~<@
@>~}~~ Make sure to tell the people you love
that you love them ~~{~<@
@>~}~~ ~~{~<@
@>~}~~ always be thankful even for the little things ~~{~<@
@>~}~~ Consider Boyfriend S's wants too ~~{~<@
@>~}~~ Find new hobbies ~~{~<@
@>~}~~ Always add to this list ~~{~<@
@>~}~~ Remember Family and Friend's Birthdays ~~{~<@
@>~}~~ ~~{~<@
@>~}~~ ~~{~<@
@>~}~~ ~~{~<@
There's more but like I said some are for days and some are for the week and I will try my best to update this regularly considering I do accomplish things more readily when I make lists :-) over the last year I've referred to my Personal To Do list I made Nov 2008. honestly, the last couple of months I hadn't even looked at it until January when I pondered this list. It hasn't really changed but it has things on it that should always be understood and lived by.
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Snow AGAIN
I'm trying to think of a good way to get over my winter blues... but the snow keeps falling. Know what else fell today? Me. I was walking down the three flights of wooden decks in the back of my Aunt and Uncle's place. They live on the top one. I ALMOST made it to the bottom one and slipped and flew. I'm clumsy so I know how to fall. dunno why, my body just moves like a cat
moves... natural clumsy reflexes I guess... so I don't really hurt myself often. This time I was trying to save my coffee and not so worried about the stairs. I fell to the landing and rammed my back/hip on a stair. I saved half my coffee... But OMG it hurt. This was a 9:30 am this morning. It's not 7:16 pm and I'm still hurting. this sucks! I'm hoping its just a bruise and nothing too serious because I can move but it hurts to move certain ways. yuck!See? I'm a summer girl!! I need flip flops and sunshine not ice and snow. I'm seriously wondering why I didn't just go south. But hey! I can still make the best of it some how. Am I being punished for waiting for September now?
Monday, January 18, 2010
Cake is to Have And to Eat
Well I did it again. I tried to push boyfriend away. Poor S is the cake I guess. I try to push him away all the time. J really messed me up I think because I really and truly don't believe Boyfriend S and how he REALLY wants big things for us. I want to believe him but honestly somethings bug me. somethings give me red flag. Last night I pulled the drink a little too much and try to break up with S again. This all kinda happened because I told boyfriend that I wanted to go back to learn about my Native American heritage, but I would have to go away for a month to do so. Well S takes this awfully wrong so when I woke up this morning I get the booming 
words "WE have some things WE NEED TO TALK about". I even told him "The Indians sent me a coyote in my backyard" I was defiantly trying to sell this Indian thing to him. This morning I said that won't even happen, but if it does it'd be nuts. It took us a couple of hours but we talked it all out. we're doing fine now, which is fantastic. I dunno, I wanna tell him that sometimes I wanna have my cake and eat it too I want him but I wanna be single. I can't though. I'd risk losing him and I'm not sure I want to. He tells me he wants to spend the rest of his life with me, and I had to tell him that it is not his fault, as much as I believe him I'm so scared to trust that statement because I have heard it before and believed it and was let down. I couldn't even get it out with out bawling. S really is a wonderful man. He REALLY loves me. Please God help me to get past my fears and let him love me?
Here is a poem I wrote, It reminds me of the situation;
Current mood:
confused
words "WE have some things WE NEED TO TALK about". I even told him "The Indians sent me a coyote in my backyard" I was defiantly trying to sell this Indian thing to him. This morning I said that won't even happen, but if it does it'd be nuts. It took us a couple of hours but we talked it all out. we're doing fine now, which is fantastic. I dunno, I wanna tell him that sometimes I wanna have my cake and eat it too I want him but I wanna be single. I can't though. I'd risk losing him and I'm not sure I want to. He tells me he wants to spend the rest of his life with me, and I had to tell him that it is not his fault, as much as I believe him I'm so scared to trust that statement because I have heard it before and believed it and was let down. I couldn't even get it out with out bawling. S really is a wonderful man. He REALLY loves me. Please God help me to get past my fears and let him love me?Here is a poem I wrote, It reminds me of the situation;
Current mood:
confused Please God Lend me some Shoes?
Dear God, please lend me the shoes of a strong willed woman,
So I can walk a mile and realize that will is not all I need
Help me see that will itself only helps me proceed
Please loan me a pair of well warned boots of one with nerves of steel
I will give them back in one day maybe two
I need to learn how to make my tension heal
Teach me to be strong, to walk with my head high
And not worry so much that I will someday die
Let me borrow the shoes of an elderly woman who has seen it all
And has faith that the Good Lord will take her because she has done all her living
May you allow me to use my mother's shoes
To understand the trials she went through
And also a while her mother's too
Though we are close in voice I can't possibly understand
Unless I see it from my own eyes
Dear God lend me the shoes of my faithful lover
So I can understand the stress I put this wonderful man under
Teach me the ways to make me stronger
In body, in mind, in faith through feet, and eyes
Then return me my shoes so I can again walk through life;
much more than a mile and a few pairs of shoes wiser.
JLC 12/27/07
He REALLY loves me.
I know he does and I love him.
Sunday, January 17, 2010
A Question from The New Girl on Post
New Girl on Post blogged "Question Kinda Day" for today and it just made me start thinking about how much this blog has done for me in the last year and a half!
Here's my Answer and I will go into it deeper in a little while I Just wanna go have a beer cause the NY Jets just beat the San Diego Chargers:
Here's my Answer and I will go into it deeper in a little while I Just wanna go have a beer cause the NY Jets just beat the San Diego Chargers:
Saturday, January 16, 2010
I will not search. What will be will be
New Idea for me.
I always long for starting a family and finding a home.... One where I can actually say HOME, "I'm going Home" and it actually is a home: A house that my family is in. MY family. Well, I give up. It seems the more I long for it, the longer it takes. It's like longing to find love. My biggest advice is Don't look for it. Have the time of your life and it will fall in your lap when you least expect it. Well here we go... I'm taking my own advice for once. I will have the time of my life. I'm not searching for it. I'm not longing for either one anymore. I'm going to live my life and when it happens to fall into my lap I will thank God for it. Until then... I will not worry about it passing me by because you can't pass by something like this... God has his reasons and everything happens for a reason. If it is meant to be it will be...
I always long for starting a family and finding a home.... One where I can actually say HOME, "I'm going Home" and it actually is a home: A house that my family is in. MY family. Well, I give up. It seems the more I long for it, the longer it takes. It's like longing to find love. My biggest advice is Don't look for it. Have the time of your life and it will fall in your lap when you least expect it. Well here we go... I'm taking my own advice for once. I will have the time of my life. I'm not searching for it. I'm not longing for either one anymore. I'm going to live my life and when it happens to fall into my lap I will thank God for it. Until then... I will not worry about it passing me by because you can't pass by something like this... God has his reasons and everything happens for a reason. If it is meant to be it will be...
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Prayers for Haiti and All of Our Troops
Please keep Haiti, her people, and our troops and their families who are working hard out in the desert and deploying for disaster relief in your thoughts and prayers. God Bless our Heroes and please keep them safe!
Rick, Julie, & Jacob
Rick is leaving for Disaster Relief With the U.S. Army as we speck
Rick, Julie, & JacobRick is leaving for Disaster Relief With the U.S. Army as we speck
List # 1 : needs / wants
Need List:
I'm heading to Wal*mart. Most likely not getting any of these things, but I figured I'm gonna work on some lists... The lists help me organize and work towards goals so, why not post the best one first huh?
Needs:
Curtains for my room: 8 windows
Dresser / Armorer / Storage buckets for clothes
Underwear / Socks
Jeans / Slacks (Pair of black pants for work)
New Fuzzy boots
Wants:
Book: Dear John
Cover for my Phone
Microwave
Sunday, January 10, 2010
Temporary Home
Justin and I have knew each other when we were young and our mothers were in beauty school together. Our mothers' lost touch and our lives moved into different places. About a year ago we re-met in Pennsy. It was really cool. He's on the right.
Justin
:(
u in mass still?
7:47pmJessica
ya.
i love and hate that too... I got some serious winter blues
7:48pm Justin
u can trade in ur car.
u dont like mass so much any more?
7:49pmJessica
its alright. just too freakin cold
7:49pmJustin
lol at least u have snow tho. cold without snow is like... a whore with... no... pimp?...
7:50pmJessica
and i dunno i'm back and forth with the homesickness. not so much for the place home but the family and friends home
7:50pmJustin
i know what you mean
i havent felt 'home' in a long time
7:50pmJessica
ya i got plenty of snow
7:51pmJessica
aw i'm sorry! I mean i feel at home but its an odd feeling too me cause its just so bumpy i dunno...
7:52pmJustin
its fine, i'll find it one day. i think i understand what you mean tho
7:54pmJessica
you might. but Its not a good feeling so I don't wish that ya do
7:55pmJessica
besides its strange like if i feel too at home i kinda freak out... its like pushing away someone you love because you don't know any better
7:55pmJustin
i'd heard it said before that once you move away when you grow up, you never do find home again. nothing ever will feel like it.. you make your own eventually
but its never the same
heh, come to think of it, i think that was from the movie Garden State
7:56pmJessica
good way to look at it though the search is hard
7:58pmJustin
ah, found it.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt033
the third set of quotes down
8:02pmJessica
*sigh*
Shortly after Justin and My conversation I heard Carrie Underwood's new song "Temporary Home". It was fitting for the conversation and slightly ironic.
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I started blogging in July of 2008. My boyfriend at the time was in Navy Recruit Training command and I needed something to take my mind off the fact that he was gone and not many of my friends at home understood a thing I was going through. My friend Sarah on Sarah Takes on the World was going through something similar and suggested I try it. I vented my way through his A School,and first deployment and sadly through the end of our relationship. but it also helps me now through my search for me. I love it and I love reading all of you ladies' blogs and finding new and fun ones. Blog land is great! Thank you for the great question!!