2009 Get the Hell outta here and bring on the new year!!

What a year its been!

Through the trials that made us stronger and the tributes that made us warm,
We've all grown to be much wiser than we all were before.
This year has been about
holding on to things we cherished,
praying hard for those we love,
digging deep for that last ounce of strength to help us go another day.
New births, new hearts, long hard drives, lots of tears and lots of smiles
New places, feelings, faces.
What I have lost, I will never forget...
But my gains are worth more than I could have wished for.
I have so much to be thankful for,
for being in my life
for helping me see the truth,
what is worth living for.
My biggest Thanks is for finding a place I feel I can call home.
through all the hell and heaven this year has been
We are all much better for it!
So 2009, Thanks for the craziness and the change!
now get the hell outta here and bring in the new year!!


"Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself." Matt 6:34. After all today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.

Merry Christmas

A NY Giant Bone to Pick with Wikipedia

My Aunt C a proud PA born Turned New Englander in the late 70's is a Patriots fan. She dug out this hat from the 2007 Season Superbowl. She thinks I should wear it to let people know I am a Giants fan but I like the Pats too... I love her thinking, but I'm better off just wearing my NY Giants hat. I'm sure to stir some hidden feelings by wearing this one out...

So here comes a bone to pick with Wikipedia... I looked up some Superbowl XLII information and sure to my surprise I read this in the article on this opinionated, web based Encyclopedia :

"Super Bowl XLII was an American football game that featured the National Football Conference (NFC) champion New York Giants and the American Football Conference (AFC) champion New England Patriots to decide the National Football League (NFL) champion for the 2007 season. In one of the biggest upsets in Super Bowl history,^[10] the Giants (14–6) won 17–14 over the previously undefeated Patriots (18–1). In doing so, the Giants became the first NFC wild card team to win a Super Bowl. They also became the sixth wild card seed from either conference, the fifth in eleven years, and second in three years, to earn an NFL championship. The victory marked the franchise's seventh NFL championship and third Super Bowl win—New York's first title since Super Bowl XXV in January 1991. The Giants head coach was Tom Coughlin. The Patriots were coached by Bill Belichick. The tagline for Super Bowl XLII was "Who Wants It More?"

See the bold writing? I'm offended... Encyclopedias Have opinions? I was highly unaware of that.

In fact I have to say that it was not a big upset for half the nation who seriously thought
1. the Pats were accused of cheating
(Wikipedia didn't cover that in the Superbowl XLII page, they did state "The season began with controversy, when in Week 2 head coach Bill Belichick and the Patriots were penalized by the NFL for their involvement in the videotaping of opponents' defensive signals from an unauthorized location in their Week 1 game against the New York Jets, referred to in the press as Spygate. Despite the media scrutiny, the Patriots continued to gain momentum, winning mid-season games by scores such as 52–7 and 56–10, as quarterback Tom Brady^[1] iterated the team's desire to blow out and "kill teams." in 2007 NE Patriots Season.)

2. The Pats can't have a perfect record!!
3. Even Philadelphia and Dallas fans Who HATE the Giants Swallowed their pride and Routed for Big Blue.
4. I personally <~~~ GIANTS FAN! Hello?! no Big upset here... I WAS ECSTATIC

So Wikipedia here's a Friendly Jersey Girl Sending you a BIG Giant UP YOURS!!!
Encyclopedias with opinions are no better than the tabloids. Wanna read about the Tabloids in Wikipedia? TABLOIDS "Junk food News"?

<~~~~~~
And just to let you know... There are Giants Fans in New England... Right here in Massachusetts. This guy... He's from MA!

Dirty room!

Ya know! Why is it soooooo difficult to keep a room clean? I clean it, it looks fantastic and then in two days tops (sometimes) it looks like a hurricane blew through here! K maybe it was a little longer than 2 days this time. I cleaned it, then S and Cousin S came for a visit, and then I got the Strep which landed me bed ridden for a week practically (I still don't feel 100%) but now I have a disaster area in my room and it is sooooo not easy to get motivated to clean it. Christmas is coming... soooo now I really don't feel like cleaning cause I'd rather be drinking baileys instead of cleaning and enjoying what's left of the hype (which I'm more excited about than most years prior)

Dear Santa, Can you clean my room for Christmas? <3 Jessie

Ping Pong Ball gone just in time?

The the ping pong ball in my throat was Strep! it hurt sooooo bad!! I did nothing for a week but drink ice coffee, little soup, Ice cream, and that's about it. I sweat more that I ever have without moving, OMG it was yucky! and right after I got diagnosed, Good Ole Mother Nature gave me my period too. LOVELY. Doctor gave me Azithromycin which I'm sure is the Z-pack. Which finally worked about yesterday/today. So finally I can sleep 8 hours without waking up in pain. When I finished my last dose yesterday I said "I'm scrap booking this to remind me of my first New England Christmas!" I don't have my appetite back quite yet and I've still got a bit of a head ache, but my period is almost over, and my Christmas cards are just about ready to be mailed (with 3 days to go)(I had them mostly done 2 weeks ago but I didn't wanna finish them off with my strep throat tongue) so I'll be ready and willing to spread Christmas Cheer with the rest of these crazy New Englanders in no time!

Ping pong ball in my throat

I'm Sick as hell!! I don't even know what I have, all I know is it's bad. I have a swollen gland in my throat that feels like a ping pong ball, my throat hurts so bad now that 3 Advil aren't even making it stop hurting. I have the chills, sweats, maybe a fever... Aches & pains! I feel so crappy and I can't even sleep through the night because of the pain. The last 2 nights I've woken up every couple of hours when the Advil wore off. Its so bad that Its making me cry. I'm headed to the doctors in a little bit so I can feel better... hopefully this will blow over.

This weekend was awesome! Sayers took a leave from the Navy and a road trip up north. He picked up Cousin S on the way here. Stanley and the 3 of us had a blast. We played beer pong, got acquainted with Sailor Jerry, had a wonderful Dinner at M.A.'s watched too much U-Tube, Had total lack of sleep and a couple headaches.


We all learned somethings about what we dealt with this past year. S finally admitted something that happened way back in February, Sayers told me somethings I felt on the Miss trip, but refused to believe back then which helped me honestly believe that J used me for a very long time. I learned what it is like to have some real friends and real people that care for me. I learned this weekend that I really do have a fantastic boyfriend too. He blended in very well. Stanley and Sayers got along like long lost friends. Stanley didn't spend the entire weekend making sure everyone else but me was having a blast, like I've had to deal with in past relationships... that's how I really began to understand how much he really does care for me. I thanked him today for that. for showing me what its like to actually have someone who puts my feelings before everybody's. I've struggled for a little while with Stanley just because as much as I trust him, I don't know if I can trust guys... but he has proven time and time again that he is a truly amazing boyfriend. Sure we have our faults in this relationship; a couple fights, a couple nights where we drank too much, him having this crazy idea that he has to walk home when he gets mad at me... and then there's me that every time that we argue or disagree I get scared he's acting like my ex... That all guys act like my ex so this relationship is doomed from the start... but then he helps me to realize Time and Time again that arguments are just little bumps and we understand and love each other so we can make it! Maybe he and I could last forever. All I know is that now I know what it is like to have a real boyfriend finally, who thinks I'm beautiful for who I am.

How I met my "Trouble"

Is it safe to say, when you don't look something real comes your way?
and what is honestly real?

When Trouble and I met, it was the literal day that J had totally screwed me. J called me from MS and said "hey I'm back in the states, wanna drive down here (from MA) and have some steak and get laid?" I was shocked and annoyed by his total ignorance about me supporting his every move while deployed and in Naval School just to become a booty call. SO I was done. I got off the line with him, went into the Anchor and switched my undrank draft to a shot of Wild turkey. Across the bar from me was Trouble. He was sitting by a Keno Machine next to his cousin (Wasn't sure if his cousin was a girlfriend or a friend or what) and I was staring at him trying to get him to come over to me. I made the mistake of mentioning to my Aunt I thought he was hot, but I couldn't tell if he was wearing a ring (I know way better to mess with the local girls around here and in general there aren't a lot of hot single guys at all... they are all taken...) So my Aunt goes right over to him and asks him "How many times have you been married" (yup... She's crazy just like I am... Teenager in a 58 year old body) I was mortified... She reports back with "he's never been married." he gets up to smoke a cigarette with the mystery girl and as he passes he looks at me and says don't worry i was looking at you too and I'll be back over to talk with you in a bit. We talked for a while, At the end of the night he gave me a flower and went home. He didn't try to kiss me, he didn't try to talk me back to his place, and he told me that he was sure that we could really make each other happy that night when we were texting back and forth. (ya... i did it... I texted him like an hour after he left lol)


I didn't hang out with Trouble Friday night... We texted back and forth through his lunch break while i was out job hunting... and then that night I went drinking at the Anchor again with my aunt and uncle, took a ride on a bike and lost my Cell phone. Now I did hook up with bike guy... I was drinking... Freshly single New girl in a New town... and Seriously scorned by a Sailor... I didn't sleep with him though and all I kept thinking was "Why do I feel like I'm cheating on Trouble????"

I think God decided I needed to lose my Cell phone that night for 2 reasons:

1. I shouldn't be taking rides from Strangers on Harleys
2. Time to REALLY start a fresh life... Get the numbers of the people that really count and leave the people that I thought meant something to me behind...

If i had the power to take back one single night I would. I could not though. Some times Aunt Cyndi teases Trouble sometimes about giving him the 3rd degree when we first met... and he didn't get the 3rd degree at all... Since this has happened more than once recently, I had to tell Trouble what it was about. Trouble didn't take it well. He was hurt and confused. Typical guy I suppose, but I never figured I would have to worry about Trouble being upset about something that happened before I was his girlfriend. It too a little while for me to get him to understand that I didn't expect him to come into my life, but he did and I couldn't help but fall for him.

My friend Trouble would have understood. My boyfriend Trouble may think about this too much... or maybe I will. Our relationship has been based on the truth. He knows everything about my trials the last year. I told him first thing hello Trouble, I'm a train wreck right now. Loving me is easy, but dealing with me sometimes is tough. When I get to thinking too much I need someone to help me relax. He took this job fully knowing, and the past couple months have been fantastic. We click so well, and I think its because we are great friends first. Being with him is like being with family. He really is that comfortable.

So much to be thankful for

Every holiday seems to start as stressful and ends as fantastic. This year was not nearly as stressful, but it had its beginnings. My mother and I had our annual (every couple of months) stress talk. Waiting on whether Ninja was going to join our table with cousin SML halted right after the mother talk, and it was topped off with getting stuck celebrating the annual world wide Thanksgiving Eve drink fest against my will (all though I did start the fest early and just did not get to go home when I wanted to). I did however talk with Cousin SCL, my brother for a minute, and good ol Bry for about an hour as I topped off my wired by eggnog Thanksgiving Eve.

The day arrives with again the usual slight headache and lack of sleep. Trouble and I joined Cyndi and Orie upstairs for a cup of coffee and then Headed to Trouble's Mother's house for our first Thanksgiving Feast. To tell ya the truth, I wish Trouble would hang out with his mother and sister more often. They love him so much and treat him so great when he is around them. He seems happy to be there, and always excited to leave. Trouble's mother is a great cook. We had a 15lb turkey, Peas, Corn, stuffing, butternut squash, mashed potatoes and of course stuffing. We were stuffed to the gills and falling asleep at the table all ready... at least I was...
Trouble's mother's fiance is a hair dresser in Boston and he decided Trouble needed a hair cut.


Before he knew it he was a whole new guy! after the hair cut we hugged goodbye and headed to my house for our second dinner.


Uncle O got a 20lb bird. I made some fresh mashed turnips and some broccoli salad. I don't know how anyone makes an entire meal; I was beat after chopping boiling mashing and mixing for an hour and a half. It all turned out fabulous but still I could have used a nap and didn't even have time.






Dinner was wonderful and our bellies have been full ever since. In fact I was so tired that I couldn't even move to go back upstairs to watch The Giants play Thursday night football. Though I am happy to say I didn't wanna watch my boys in blue get beat again this season.

All and All there is so much to be thankful for. From our Massachusetts table to yours have a Happy Holiday Season!!

3 Birthday Cakes, Tons of Turning 30 fun!!

This Birthday was a lot of fun! I honestly was scared to turn 30.

Now I am so happy to say my 20s are now over and I have plently to look forward to!

Here's to a decade that will be more fun than the last! this year is going to be great!

Birthday cake from Dave

Birthday cake from Lenny and Diane at work!

Birthday cake from the 2 coolest people in New England: Aunt Cyndi and Uncle Orie!

Wordless Wednesday

Trouble in Massachusetts

So get this!!

Trouble's Uncle Ben Who is younger than Trouble had people over last night. Trouble's Cousin Tracy and Jess went over to Ben's house to hang out with the boys.

They played like 15 games of beer pong and a couple flip cup games and Trouble and Jess (all of them honestly) were hammered.

So Trouble gets the bright idea to get me back for the last couple of times Jess got drunk and poured a beer/water on him.
He throws a beer at Jess.
Well Jess being Jess throws one back
he throws another beer on Jess.
Jess gets him back again

fun right?
not in Trouble's Mind.
In Trouble's mind He's pissed because the last couple times Jess threw liquid at him He did not retaliate... so Drunk Jess is supposed to let Trouble throw beer on her with out retaliating.

Drunk Jess does not think this way. all Jess(es) retaliate.

Trouble gets pissed.... He decides to walk home with out telling drunk Ben, Tracey, Uncle Miles or anyone else that he's leaving, where he's going or anything for that matter. He leaves his cell phone and all his stuff... and takes off...

mean while, back at Ben's ranch, Drunk Jess and Uncle Ben realize that Trouble has left the building.
And the Trouble hunt begins.
He's in the woods, he's on the roof, he's in the eves over the garage, he's hiding in the bathroom upstairs, he passed out in one of the cars in the driveway... WRONG!

Drunk Jess is at loss for what to do. WTF???

Drunk Tracy and uncle Miles take a ride to the store to get stuff... before they go they ask Drunk Jess if she wants to go. No she says... (freaking out) I'll just stay here and wait for Drunk boy to come back to me... Tracy wants to know if Drunk Jess wants anything... Ya... Her Bizarre cranky Trouble back here stat! and ice cream... cause that will at least keep her sadness at bay...

they go they come back they bring ice cream Swedish fish, bugles, all kinds of munchy stuff (oh ya they weren't just drunk) They did not bring Trouble though.

Ben convinces drunk Jess to call off her search and will resume in the morning when the sun tries to come out (it was still raining though) (it was raining ALLLLLLLL day and night)

Drunk Jess wakes up hungover Jess and alone. Ben goes out in the woods to look for Trouble again. Jess stays and paces and can't find her phone. Ben's Couch swallowed it. Ben comes back with No Trouble. Ben makes the couch give back Jess' phone and then she calls Tracy and asks if Tracy had heard from Trouble.

Yup he's right here on the couch... let me get him.
Oh he says he'll call you when he wakes up.

Jess drives from Rawley to Beverly, stops for coffee and then Goes to see Trouble at his place. She takes his phone and phone charger to him and climbs the three sets of Stairs. (for some reason there are A LOT of places that have a million stairs and everyone Jess knows in Massachusetts lives on the top floor)
Trouble opens the door and looks at her.

Jess says you didn't want to talk to me?

No and I still don't, I'm still mad.

Fine! Jess huffs turns and leaves.

The next couple hours she panics feeling she's helpless to lose her boyfriend and best friend in MA.Trouble won't talk to her for hours and when he finally texts her he says he's aggravated and needs time to unwind. He's not sure when he will call her again.
Jess has flash backs of J and REALLY freaks out. She has a very hard time believing that
Trouble is not talking to her over a beer spilled on him but that really was the case.

After blowing up Trouble's phone multiple times He finally answers.
The boy walked 25miles because he got mad. 5 and 1/2 hours and when he got there he was still pissed. WoW!
Needless to say, Jess Decides that she will let this go.

My Take,

We've had too many fun times and few bad. I Dunno if I could handle T pulling this on me again, but if we come to this bridge again, We'll see if we can cross it. With out Trouble being in my life I don't think I would have stayed in Salem as long as I have. I am homesick and miss my family more than I have words for. Trouble has made Home feel like home for me, and Mass feel like home to me. So I call it even. I've cause my share of trouble myself trying to figure out where I belong as it is. Forgiveness is due on both hands and He deserves it as much as I.

Big move

Everything I need to Know I learned in Jersey, Then I moved up to New England Thanks to Aunt Cyndi, with some hesatation and its a whole different ball park here in the land of the witches. People are different around here, maybe its me though because I find myself unwilling to meet new people. I have met one S, and He has become way more than a friend. S has been fantastic at showing me around his world that has become mine.

A little light on the situation

Just an update, It's over it's been over and Jay never tried to even explain to me what happened... I haven't spoken to him since my last post and he has made no moves to even try to explain what happened and why it was so easy to kick me to the curb so abruptly. I'm completely and utterly flabbergasted over how I stood by him for this last year only seeing him less than a month in 365 days... and he could just dehumanize me and take the future he promised me and throw it out like it meant nothing to him... I saw all the red flags months ago, but I just didn't think it could happen to me... that he could do that after I stood by him and told him every day I loved him and how amazingly proud of him I was.

this is why I've been MIA and made my official move to Mass.

I find it strange not being a Navy girlfriend anymore. His friends all think he's an idiot for dropping me like that and tell me I deserve to be treated better and so do mine.

The Irony in the situation actually gets better.
Not having that physical relationship makes it easier to move on. I still care for him and wonder what if But the fact that he did what he did makes me Care very little for the kind of person he became and for what reason... I would like to know, but I have lost a whole hell of respect for that boy. I have a job now, and since my move to Mass I wake up every morning with out a care in the world. I am home sick a little, but to tell ya the truth when it comes to most of my friends at home, they all dropped back when I was dealing with a military relationship.

It is REALLY hard to just move on from a long relationship and very many broken promises... but I can always trust again... and I will love someone. This blog is officially over now and I will move to the next.. I just felt the need to clarify one last time... He has not told me, but I have told you.

End and Beginings

I'm turning a new leaf and ending this blog... All though I am forever twisted as per usual, I have some new chapters to write in a different place. I will find you all when I start me new blog.

July Good and Bad

Why does July suck?
It has not always been the case, but for the last 3 years its been the worst month of the year. I look forward to July 4th, Our Nation's very important Birthday, and Independence Day! but that is about it...

July has given and taken from me very important people in my life;
Grandpa's Birthday, July 7th taken July 17
Jayson Conrad's Birthday July 21st taken the same day
J left for the Navy July 11th this is the second July I have been waiting for him

3 years of Julys I cannot wait to be over.
It seems that July brings sleepless nights for me, and this has been years and years happens all the time. but I think its just the season change and the long days that confuse my internal clock.

Good things do happen in July, I met J in July of 2004 and that was a wonderful summer.
J's birthday is July 25th

And His joining the Navy last July has been a wonderful thing. I have never been so proud and honored to know him. I have always loved him more than the world, but The Navy has molded him into a fantastic person. giving him pride and honor for himself.



This July has given my Cousin Jessie a beautiful Baby girl, July 10th 2009 Sophia was born, bringing a sense of hope to the family as this family has had a long and grueling year because our grandmother was ill.



Thanks to many prayers and wonderful family support, Grandma Maryann has been feeling much better and much more well. Well enough to make it to Jessie's baby shower and actually was on her way with Jessie's mother, Debbie to visit and had to turn around and go to the hospital for Sophia's birth.

Jessie's fiance Mike's birthday is July 11th.








My brother Kenny has had lots of bad luck this month and I am praying that he gets out of it and finds his way.

This past weekend Grandpa John and Grandma Maryann's roof was in the process of being repaired. Another good thing to come from July.

In closing, July is one crazy month and I cannot wait until it is over, But it has molded mine and others' characters. with out trials we would have no better days to look forward to. and without trials would have no tributes to work hard for.

A prayer for my Brother

A PRAYER FOR SIBLINGS (Saturday, June 2, 2007)

Oh Heavenly Father, please hear our cry: We are so amazed about our siblings and we all have different concerns. But, we know that You are the God that is more than enough and you know our needs and can meet our every need sufficiently. We know this Lord! For some of us, we simply don’t know where our siblings are and for some of us we simply don’t know what they’re doing. Still others are concerned that they seem to be on a destructive path. Father we ask that no matter what the exact circumstances are that you will first purify our hearts and then you will change these situations that our siblings find themselves in. Father we are asking you to touch their lives, turn them around, Bless them, pour your love on them, shine your light upon them, allow them to walk in your grace and to come to your throne of mercy in their time of need. We thank you, we adore you. In Jesus Name we ask and pray. Amen

http://hedgeofprotection.blogspot.com/2007/05/prayer-for-siblings-saturday-june-2.html

Lately, I've worried for my brother Kenny. He seems to find himself in situations that are difficult, and it is not always his fault. I love My brother with all my heart and I hope that he finds some better luck and sees better days. Please pray for Kenny.

there's always the shore

Happy one year Navy Anniversary

July 11th 2008

J entered the Great Lakes Naval Recruit Training Command.

2 months of Boot camp Great lakes, IL
(he sent me 6 letters)

3 day visit to Great Lakes to see J's RTC graduation
and enjoy his company for his Liberty Weekend

5 months of A school Wichita falls, TX
(one Christmas card from him)

2 weeks of Leave in New Jersey in January 2009

2 months of combat training for J and his unit in MS

2 long weekend trips to visit J on base in Ms

120 days of waiting his return for his first deployment
(37 days left after today)

365 days, 52 weeks, 12 months, 8,781 hours, 526,899 minutes, 31,613,985 seconds
Of pride, tears, honor, love, waiting

All worth every second, every tear, every long day, phone call, text message!

Now you better get your butt home safe soon!
Congratulations Baby! Its been a long year!

Welcome to the World Baby Sophia!!

Baby Sophia

July 10, at 9:28PM.
She weighed 8 lbs. 3 Oz.
20 1/2 in. tall.
Everyone is well

Happy Birthday to Grandpa

7/7/1925 - 7/17/2006

You went to a better place 3 years ago, but we miss you still,We love you, I miss you so!

Grandpa,
"If tears could build a stairway, and memories a lane, I'd walk right up to heaven and bring you home again."

Happy Birthday up there in heaven, I know your there watching over us!