Bring on 2009!!!

Minus 1 New Years Kiss (due to draw Navy draw backs & J better get his butt home soon so we can pretend it is Christmas and New Years Eve for him) I am more than ready for that ball to drop in Times Square!

I did a lot of Fearing in 2007 & 2008... Which is not me at all... I am working hard to find me again.. so this year I promise to become more of myself. Less Worrying, More Happiness... The past is over and I must look forward to a New Year. New trials... New Errors... New wonderful things, sunny skies and things that will make me cry or make me smile & an easier way to get through them. I am going to work extra hard on my personal to do list, which I already have a head start on! I really have a good out look on 2009! Bring her on!!!

Please Help my Family, J & his family, and my friend's families do the same and one little personal prayer goes out for Mandy and her Hubbie and also this family!

I love you and will see you all next year!!!

All My Love,

Jessica Lynn

Looking back, moving forward

Just a quick thought. Ever go back and read who you were just a couple months before and realize that even in 4 or 5 months you are pretty different? I don’t know if I am better today but I am defiantly stronger and looking at my weak spots as an advantage… So I need work still… but I will be okay and that is the biggest thing that matters. 2009 is less than a week away. The bad dreams of 2008 will be out the doors. Wherever I am this New Year’s I want to run out to my car and open all the doors… J’s mother says that is the way to get rid of the bad luck and start fresh and new!! I can’t wait for the New Year!! I however think that I have grown stronger and can take on a lot of things now! Can’t be the person you are without your past. It makes you who you are.
<3 J

My Saturday after Christmas, and today

My day yesterday was lonnngg. I've been pretty sick since Christmas (Santa Decided to add one more bad thing to my list darn that man in red) and I had to work the bar yesterday at the Elks club. I was sneezing every 5 minutes, blowing my nose and washing my hands every 7 minutes. but it was a cool day. Jerry, one of our members, came down and brought me a bag of orange cough drops and a bottle of Advil. It was super sweet of him. a couple girls came down from the American Legion (another private club that consists of veterans and sons and daughters of veterans) the girls were playing the pull tab machines (pull tabs are like scratch off tickets except they pull the tabs off instead of scratching) They couldn't stop winning. it was amazing. they pulled about 700 and tipped me 10%. I was at loss for words. I have no luck on that stupid machine lol. but apparently at the American Legion its common for the players to tip the bartender 10%. WoW! We ended the evening with about 7 of us watching the "Chainsaw Massacre". lol try that in a public bar. Tell ya the truth I hate the movie... J used to make me watch it all the freakin time~~ He's a Horror movie fanatic and I never watch tthem because I get vivid nightmares... but it was fun to have a movie night none the less.



I got my 12 year old cousin to help me fold laundry. He's smart... he pretends he doesn't know how to do things but he really does. Typical 12 year old persona. but I feel I got the upper hand because he helped me. yay me! He really does love me. Sometimes I wonder! He's a good boy though!

So lets see what this day has in store for me. :-)

The Rant

This thing has gone for a while so I suppose it's time to place it in my blog. we're talking a 2 years running and I have to add... just need some time to get my cooky self back so if ya can read it... I bid ya good luck ;-)

The rant ....

FLIRTING!!! ST Patty’s DAY!!!! Green Clothes!! Shots!!! Tattoos!!! Sunglasses! Flip Flops, My new Ballet flats, hiking boots, fuck me boots! Cowboy boots,....Colorado.... the state, the ..Rocky Mountains.., living in different places! Lady Bugs, butterflies, Magic, My Friends, My family, Black and White Photos, History, War Stories, WWII, what makes people tick! Falling in love! Text messages, blasting the ....Taylor.... swift CD in Christine's car!! Having too much fun! Men in uniform, Living life! Cough surfing! Road Tripping! ....Colorado.... cafe! Country line dancing, dancing! Singing! Writing poetry! Staying awake until the sun comes up! Dreams! Wishing! Stars! Drunk-dialing! Learning that I said a stupid thing that was so fucking funny! Being a kid! Having crazy energy! THE ....BOONTON AVE.... LOVE SHACK!!! The sign over my bed that says "Always kiss me Goodnight", the death machine with Kathy and Jeff! Yelling "Yay Bill!!" and "Yay patty!!" at the top of my lungs so everyone in the bar knows Bill and Patty are there! Being loud in general! The beach! LBI! TUCKERTON! Wine tasting! Rich Meyer Concerts (especially last Saturday), again Having TOO MUCH FUN!!! New cars, making people laugh, sunsets, Flirting, Kissing, cuddling! Making a fool outta myself. Wondering if I'm allowed to go back into Johnnies the next day! Jamming in the Madison Train station. Poor Herbies. Singing while Hogie or Johnny plays the guitar. Shamrocks!! Post cards. Snail mail! Lots of pictures! Children! Being a child at heart! I LOVE KATHY!! Smiling! Laughing! Laughing so hard that I cry! Making Christine laugh when she is grumpy! Singing Rise and Shine in the morning! Singing you is my sunshine in the morning for Christine! Having coffee waiting for me in the morning! Saying THANK YOU! Nice people! Being Sarcastic! Nothing too serious. Bartending! Stories, Campfires, Bon Fires, Back yard burns. Blasting music while I’m driving! St. Patty's day parade!!! Parade Day in ....Morristown..... Peace, Love, & Yay!!!! Standing up and holding on the back of a jeep while it’s going 50 miles on a winding road! Riding in the bed of a pick up truck! The Wildwood ELKS convention! Wild Irish weekend! Jennifer not letting me pet her stupid Ginny Pig! Spelling things wrong! Telling Jen I would make out with her if she didn't stop crying while slow dancing to SUPER NOVA!!! PURPLE BUNNIES! Drinking Jack with Jess at Johnny's place in ....Morristown.... while playing football and soccer! Doing Shots with Bill, Patty, Brendan, Kathy, Doug, Colleen, Scott, and Heather, Chris, Mark, Mike Ford, Jason, Bry... (This list just gets longer and longer). BEER PONG!!! CARBOMBS!!!! Drinking with the family! Family parties! Okay I’ll stop for now! Heather's birthday in SEA SIDE even though EDDY was an ass! Cheering every time we drink! "THE WALLS IN THE MALL ARE TOTALLY TOTALLY TALL!” BIG ....LONG.. ..ISLAND.... ICE TEAS WITH COLLEEN! Playing the "who's more sober" game with the rental Sea bring convertible. Grandma's kitchen. Grandpa's house on the Lagoon! I miss the Jessica Lynn Boat! My cousins! Getting letters from Grandma Beth! Telling Kenny he is my favorite brother and him saying "Jess I'm your only brother!” I LOVE MY FRIENDS AND FAMILY!!! Fire places. Taking a picture of Grandpa's Fire place and Grandpa asking "do you look at the picture of my fire place when you are cold to warm you up?" Shamrock stickers! Halloween! Football! The Giants! "What can big blue do for you?!!" Making fun of Colleen and my Grandparents for being Eagles fans (EWWWWWW)! Being a proud METS fan!!! The Trials and tributes of being a human being! Life! Being in High school with Abbie! Abbie and My "science notes" and love lists! Not being able to stop myself from adding on to this list! Having the time of my life! Riding the shopping carts while at Wal-Mart or target with Jenn and Christine! The magic appearing out of no where Soccer Ball! Going shopping with Kathy and Finding the Coolest clothes ever. I love my friends!!! Singing really loud in the Wal-Mart parking lot and embarrassing my friends! Ringing the bell at CVS to tell the person at the counter that ABBIE had her period! Z's with Abbie, Tim and John! Friends that tell me they can't take me anywhere because I know someone every where they take me. I repeat: "having toooooo much fun!!!" Kissing. Seeing people I haven't seen in 9 years. "Wanna ride bikes??" Morristown St. Patty's day parade! Bag pipers. The stories of what I can't remember never happened last night. Calling things stupid!!! Stupid stupid STUPID! Someone making me wish the weekend wouldn't come. I repeat: "having toooooo much fun!!!" Yay shuffle board! Drunk dialing. Not having to say goodbye! Trying to convince him that the Air Force wouldn't find him if I hid him in my room. My deep Breath. Abra-Klllarney!!!!! Confussment! 1, 2, 3 sheets to the wind!!!! Beer Pong! Grandma Beth calling me from an Irish bar on St. Patrick's Day Saying "top of the morning to ya!" and telling me the corn beef and cabbage was great! REPEAT My Grandmother did that. "SUPERFLUOUS!" Going on sabbatical. Trying to figure out if I actually wrote that caption under the picture of me kissing the Jameson bottle... Did I??? Seriously? Cause I don't remember. Tomorrow being another day. Talking to Lee at the laundry mat. Lady bugs. Seeing Robins for the first time after the new year (First sign of spring) in the middle of the stupid snow storm on Friday that came 2 days after I was sitting on my porch wearing flip flops(BTW I am STILL pissed about that!) . Talking to Jen as we played on myspace and put old pictures of us and our friends on our comments. Jen: "Jessica! Where are you?!?!" Jessica from the roof of the house where she hid from Jen: "I'm over here!!!" Kiss me I'm Irish and shamrock stickers on my bed room wall. Date dotting everyone with yellow stickers that say "..17 March 2007.." My NEW JERSEY DEVILS baseball hat. Being the Irish triplets with Colleen and Alexis at Kathy's St Patty's day party last night. Colleen and I flooring All Mighty Beer Pong Champ Bill Potato When WE BEAT him and Bryan. WHOO HOOO!!! Mrs. Potato head. :-) Smiley Faces :-P Telling People About the gold fish named Jack, Jim, Johnnie, Jose'... I want my Shamrock beads back. The day after! Sleeping until ..2:30pm.. and still being tired enough to go to bed tonight. <~~~~ (not so much! Jess had nightmares...) those . . .'s that are just so fun to end every sentence with... !!! Taking the A.D.D. test and passing with flying colors. Colleen! I changed my mind! I want the GREEN bike!!! R.O.Y. B.I.F.F. YaY Bill's not gay rainbow, but Colorful rainbow purple bunnie without the Green so Colleen can't steal all the colors for her bike Abra-killarney/bliink yay Card! Um... am I writing this down right??? Focused A.D.D. Blink Blink Blink Blink "isms" I love "Isms" Oh the Magic of Hoboken! The perfect night for ....Madison..... Missing Sweet Dreams and Longing for ....Colorado..... Watching a storm coming in from miles away. My ....Colorado.... ..Rocky Mountains... "Move to ....Florida...., then they can see what a real hurricane (HJ) is" Being Free Spirited. Staying up all night because the air is crisp and the fire is burning. Sitting on the Morristown Green By the fountain and feeding the sparrows. FLIP FLOPS! Absolute Freedom. Being on the road. CBGB's, Lion's Den, Flannerys NYC. Being comfortable with my sexuality while watching a Guns and Roses Tribute band! Breaking the 12 hours rule. Yes! I WAS awake on Saturday night!!! Mike and I sucking at hiding Easter Eggs! Kick ball with the cousins! Lara is a lean mean Kickball playing machine!! Grandpop telling Aunt Debbie I wasn't going home, and No she can not sleep at your house she’s staying here!" I love you Grandpa you're funny!!! My New Jersey Sweatshirt Stealing Lifesavers from the ....Cheesequack.. ..Garden.... state Rest stop... oh my! The New Jersey Devil Dressing up as the Easter bunny to Give Christine an Easter present. "Shhhh! don't tell him (NJ devil) he looks stupid with Bunny ears Christine! He knows where I sleep! lol! "There is no logic or anything to hold me back if I'm running away! Is that not the point of Running away??" Dempsey's Pub! Did you know it coats $1.00 per karaoke song, and 11 cent for sweet and sour sauce in ....Manhattan....? Its lovely weather we are having outside (during our 4/15 nor’easter)! Let’s look on the bright side; it’s Purifying! When the sun comes out again we will appreciate it more than we ever have before! If someone kills you, we'll kill them and they won't find the body! Me: What are you going to do with my body? Them: We'll Stuff it and prop you in our living room on a stool we stole from Johnnies! Me: I love you guys!!! CAN I SEE YOUR ID? "Okay so the Johnnies burgers are the best burgers EVER! Who cares if they are micro waved!? "You're not taken; but there's a down payment on you!" ~ The roommate! So totally addicted to Heroes, So not fair! Me looking at a truck “You buying it for your husband?" says the brother of the guy who’s selling "Do I look married? Do you see a ring on my finger!!?" said me: Why can a girl not buy a truck?! Bec:"He gave me a drawer in his apartment after only being in the relationship for a week! Don't you think that's moving too fast? And he left a note on his Yankee tickets saying he'd rather be with me!" Me: "Wow! You must be good in Bed!" Bec: "well I'm not gonna lie!" My green sneakers Rock! Sorry ....Col.... it doesn’t fit on the page anymore it has to be squished in this box! Three Generations at Johnnies, my mother making ME (Have you met me?) Look conservative... What is that all about???!! Calling Becky Becs and her saying AWWW No one calls me that anymore!! :-) Straddling Paulo's roof because I was too scared to move... being a badminton Champion... lol! FAR FROM IT! Cosmo's With Brendan and Becs at the Cigar bar last night! Taking Colleen to get her hair cut aw I was mom for an hour lol! Christine called out of work??? What has gotten into her (Tony has!!) ....Col.... not minding 35yr olds hitting on her, but Bill does. not being a braves fan like Colleen but still going to Turner field before she did. dressing up like a school girl and going to Colorado Cafe. getting dirty looks from chicks we don't know just because we look hot! Telling Mark thank you just because. not having to sleep on the floor of his empty apartment because he wouldn't make me do that. Leaving Atlanta at 11am and getting to Boonton at 3:30 am. did I mention he lives in the same state as me? 15hours in the car and we still like each other :-)Not having to say goodbye for another month. not having to be stuck to a phone anymore. Kelly and Bryan are engaged! FYI that stupid bowling game sucks. Heather telling her friend Jess she was coming to my big birthday party in the city so her boyfriend could surprise her, and Jess bought a new dress to come to my party. Having a beer at Johnnies BECAUSE I REALLY NEEDED ONE!!!!! Giants are 6 wins and one loss!!!!! Mark making fun of Kelly for turning 30 when he's already 33.You know why I love him? because we can debate the religious beliefs of a carnival fish! loosing the flyer for the haunted thing just to Drive around the block with Jenn, Alexis and Mark. laying down and finding the flyer with my toes a couple hours later.hangover cure = Hannah Montana and the Disney Channel ALL Saturday! needing a break from the Freaky Full Moon Fridays of December! Wine Glasses 4 H&J zero!! the wine glasses are winning! playing with the poetry magnets on H&J's Fridge! becoming a freaky full moon werewolf girlfriend and still having a good boyfriend after the fact. blaming the massive amounts of tears ..ing to drink at 3pm and not stopping until 4 am... throwing awesome parties with H! warming up the beer pong arm eh Scott? its a wonderful life/hot chocolate and Bailey's. Heather getting brandy instead of Bailey's because they so {don't} look the same to me! Loosing one of the Piteto's at yet another drunken party, good one Tom! breaking a wine glass and forgetting my purse at the sushi place... lol! i was not drunk!!! getting random phone calls from old friends that want you to work with them. NO MORE FREAKY FULL MOON FRIDAYS PLEASE!!!!!! going to the mall with the crazy German jo jo! jojo has a new middle name because he never had one before he met me. its officially crazy, but it's in German. "No! No! Buster!! Don't drink the water!" not allowed to talk to the guys at the bar... its an ABC law. "What do you mean you hung out with the beer pong neighbors... but but! it is not right we can only wave to them from afar! i feel like we're breaking the rules here... " Smitten! ah! we have a comedian here! what'd ya have a clown for breakfast this morning??" ~ Lake house 3 wine glasses bit the dust last night curiousity of Jess and Yellow tail Chard. Lots of cookies from the blink blink guy upstairs.drinking shoes are bad! really really bad!"Hay blinky were talkin to you... you cant park here!" ~col "he used to work at back in time for a bagel!"~ H Mark won't admit it but he loves the cat. Kevin was petting on buster he must be a felineafile... no he's a frogafile... "Ketch has swallowed his pride... GO GIANTS!! 4 hours ago. Mood: hopeful" Hells ya Giants are the Superbowl XLII Champions 2008!!!! we fucking rock!!!! NC or Bust! We love you RICK!! "Beer,Doritos,& flip-flops! Great combo!" there are green leaves on the trees!!! Fort Bragg Tee-shirts! insta-southern draws just add beer. O'Lerry's Rocks! Eggs and Briquettes with out burning down Rick's apartment... PRICELESS!, "No Shit Sherlock! where'd you park your squad car Dick Tracy?",Southern Bells ain't got nothing on us Northern Bitches! Mannasses and Dumbfries; Virgina town names... where did they come up with them?? seriously?! Rick's gotta get a picture of the Pink cigarettes? at $3 a pack hello paradise! Col talking about her dinner: "i love Roy Rogers!" me: "I love Crabs!" Abbie always thought we were so different but it turns out we both want a bazillion. ....Frozen Viaminwater and hang overs don't mix...

things that make me happy.

My Cousin made this necklace for me. I always have it in my car.






Dad's dog tags, Aunt Fay's Cross


Hanging with H and my new found love Piknik


Grandpa's Hat. I wear it all the time these days




My Bible. Its old but it makes me feel safe. I have pictures and prayer cards in it too. The prayer cards of my passed friends and family and sometimes I turn to them for guidance. Faith has really helped me these days.

Lost Key part II Jersey Jerk.

The key was a important factor because it decided to hide on me. When I got back Tuesday evening I took my key out of the ignition and threw it in my (black hole) Purse. I thought maybe I had put it on my person so not having it in a pocket I left the door to my vehicle open for the evening. I don't like to do that but I didn't want to chance not being able to get in the car in the am. the am came around and I dumped my bag on the bed I had slept in the night prior. no key. I placed everything back in the bag and shook the blanket out to make sure it was not there... nope.
so down to the car I went. I spent a good hour and a half two hours rummaging through my car. Now apartment or not I have always "Lived" in my car. I don't sleep there ever... but I have ALOT of stuff in it so it was blessing and a curse that I couldn't find the F-in key. I got a lot of trash out, organized the contents, brought the dirty clothes in for the laundry including the random one socks and sweaters that were full of second hand smoke. *sigh* Lots of prayers to Saint Antony... and NO KEY!!!

I finally gave in and called my boss to let her know I was either running late or not coming at all because I might need my friend K, who has my spare key in Boonton, to over night it to my uncle's house. I went back and and Re looked... and did it again... all and all I gave up... went back up stairs sat on the bed and low and behold the darn thing was sitting on the bed right by the blanket I shook out 2 hours before. Sweet! now what ghost hid it on me and why?? because my day was over. i couldn't drive an hour to go to work for two and come back.
Everything happens for a reason right? so why did whoever or whatever make sure I spent 2 hours cleaning my car looking for the dang thing when it was sitting on my bed??
Well... my car's a little cleaner and a little happier I guess.

super secret CNGs & part I of the Jersey Jerk that I am

Okie so its been a little time from my last post. We are all waiting for J do get his actual orders now, and it sounds like we will be getting to see him... but probably not until the New Year. *sigh* amidst all craziness things are doing well here at my uncle's home, J's family, and with the family and friends.

I've been away from Blog world because I have a new crazed addiction to my super secret CNGs on Facebook! I can't keep away from it. So I figured I would leave a quick post up here for the couple of silly things that have gone down in my life as of lately. It started with the crazy threads R started, that made me learn how to turn facebook mobile off and on because we talked back and forth about the wackiest stuff from snowboarding, to FBA therapy, wet Christmas cards, E getting booted (did you know you can actually write too much and get booted from a thread?) & Xmas in a cup. We just decided to get a group up so no one else got booted and it works nicely now.

So the weather has been crappy and REALLY strange in the land of PA. 60 degrees one day and the next... SNOWING?? I know this was also the same in all parts of the country... What the heck is going on here Mother Nature!!??

yesterday was a trip... I started the morning with a chat with a good friend. hopped in the car and made it to work an hour early. yay me! but as the day turned to evening the clouds blew in and the snow started falling. I have a habit of warming up the hell neon before I make her take the hour trip back to PA and my boss had already left so as I attempted to clean up I ran out and started my snow cover neon. i removed the car key from my key chain because I needed the office key to lock up. she warmed I hopped in the car, waited in a wall of traffic on 78 west because a tracker trailer fish tailed and caught on fire. I didn't get to see the actual fire but she was a mess when I finally got past her. I sped up again and of course the ice snow was pileing up in the corner of my windshield just high enough that I couldn't see w/o sitting on my calves so I pulled off and back to the top of the on ramp to 33 north in Pa and brushed off the ice. the snow started doing the slant thin as I was driving and it slowed down the guy in front of me... We went SLOW and I'm a speed demon... I tried to pass him but I didn't trust my tires... so I was stuck... We finally reach the exit I want and I'm thinking YES he'll go straight I get off... NOPE he gets off too and then waits at the stop sign for a car that's seems to be going 15mph and is only little head lights so I did it... I honked... He went the head light car pulled on to the 33N ramp and I said ok I need gas... Of course slow guy that I honked at pulled into the SAME gas station I HAD to stop at because I REALLY needed gas. I was embarrassed. I don't honk at people... and the one time I do he ends up at the same gas pump so I held my head low. Luckily I had Grandpa's paper boy hat so I hid behind the brim.

Why do things like this happen? I guess its the serves ya right J for being a Jersey Jerk.
I'll finish tomorrow... The Key is a big player in my next story.

Welcome to the world Chloe Bell!! Born December 7th, 2008 10:46am, 8lbs

I got to visit with my friends JM and HM and see their new baby Girl Chloe Bell yesterday!! She is such a cutey! So teeny tiny!! Two days old!! I was teasing JM the other day when I was talking to him.
Chloe Bell, Born December 7th, 2008 10:46am, 8lbs

Me: Ya know yesterday was Pearl Harbor Remembrance Day right?
JM: Yup
Me: Weren’t you born on D day?
JM: Ya. Laughing a little.
Me: so Chloe is gonna grow up to be a military girl huh? JM: uh no!! She’s gonna be daddy’s girl and she is NOT joining the military!!

Momma H



Daddy J



Grandmother M

A prayer for the Navy girlfriends

Navy Girlfriends Prayer:

How often we've stood on dark flight lines and piers...
"I love you," "I'll miss you" whispered through tears.
During long separations, in peacetime, at war.....
My nights filled with dreams of this man i adore.
With only my memories to hold close at night.....
I love for the day God returns my sunlight.
Yes, life goes on when your loved one's at sea..
but the ache never leaves, the fear stays with me.
Dear Lord, I need your guidance, your love....
help me be brave, keep your watch from above.
Hold my dear one so safe in your heart and your hand
bring him home to his family.. this hero.. my man.
Of us, Lord, I pray he'll be filled with such pride...
of how we carried on without him by our side.
Please, help time fly quickly ans soon I will hold...
the hand of them man whose eyes chase the cold.
Whose voice brings delight, whose touch eases pain.
How will I ever say "Farewell" again?
With your help,dear God, I'll try to stay strong...
and pray that his tie here at home will be long.
Still, "I know that the navy will need him," I sigh
but we'll face it together, Dear Lord, you and I

Hurry up And wait here we go again!!

so now it looks like J is not coming home for another couple of weeks...
*sigh*

My Sailor is coming home!!

I am sooooo excited!!! J will be home for 9 days starting Thursday!!
I had a nice long talk with him yesterday. If it’s really expensive to cut a ticket I might be expecting a road trip to Texas which would be fun honestly but he is dying to not only see me but he also wants to see his family and friends more than anything. A road trip would take a day or two off of his home time, which he really wants every second home he can get. J told me the biggest thing he can’t wait for is to get off the plane in his blues, duffle bag on his shoulder and see his father standing there to greet him. The look in his father’s eyes is something he is looking forward to more than anything … so we are praying cutting his ticket to MI will not be too expensive so home on Thursday he will be!!




I am a little bummed though because he will not be home for Christmas or New years… I really wanted a New Years kiss… call me crazy but I didn’t get one last year because the guy I was with didn’t like my smoking. It’s those little things you miss! J and I had been together for three Christmases prior to last year. His family has an annual open house on Christmas Eve where all friends and family gather and have warm tiding with one another. Last year was the only Christmas J and I were not together in 4 years and I did miss him and his family very much. I had a nice Christmas last year, but I have so looked forward to being in J’s arms this holiday after we had gotten back together in July. I cannot complain though. I can only look forward to seeing him home safe for as long as I can.

Thank you Navy for letting him come home for just a little while!!

I love a Navy Seabee

He'll be home for Christmas if only in my dreams

I’m feeling a little better now. Last night I asked my cousin about deployment and she came back with a fantastic letter. Telling me how she got though her husband’s depolyment in 2003. She gave me a bunch of pointers and it helped me a lot to get my hopes up. H let me know that the most important things are that he needs to know I am here supporting J all the way. And that I am strong enough to wait for him because he is out there doing a very coragous and wonderful thing for our country. She told me that I should stay away from the news and only relay on what comes from him and make lots of dates with friends to keep my mind off him not being here. H actually gave me a couple pointers that I had already done with J when he was in RTC. A letter everyday to tell him how proud I was and how strong he will be when its over was something both of us did for our Js. I know I’m not the only one here there are thousands of families out there that have to deal with this everyday. H helped me out a lot though because she and I are family. And I think that the one thing that I am bent on getting involved in recently is my family. My history and were we all come from. So to take the pressure of J’s soon deployment I am determined to stick to my to do list and get busy making my life a little better while waiting for J and my life together to unfold.
This morning a spent a lot of time on facebook and I went to Navy Girlfriends site and I read a post from a girl who’s boyfriend just left for RTC. She was looking for support and I held out my hand to her. She had every concern I had when J left for Boot Camp in July. What if a relationship is too much for him? What if he wants the single life? Will he get my letters? How am I going to do this? I didn’t lie to her, I let her know that boot is awful and he will need her supporting him every step of the way. I had a great conversation with R and I’m sure that helping her also helped me. I also said that it is amazing to see the change in your boyfriend when he comes out of Boot he’s proud, stronger, and totally in love with you for helping him make it through boot camp. I learned that from a couple girls; A and S two very strong Seamen’s better halves. I also told R that I <3 a sailor was putting together a Christmas card list and that would defiantly be a fantastic thing to deal with the holidays without our Navy boys. I have already given my address and I cannot wait to start sending cards out!!
I actually will get to see J soon. He’s coming home for leave, but he is not sure when, how long, or if he will be here for Christmas. That alone is tearing me up. I’ll just be getting him back but then he will be ripped away again. All I know is I will get though this with the help of my friends maybe this time next year I will not have to worry about J being far away from me… maybe next year I will be in J’s arms.

He’ll be home for Christmas if only in my dreams



Not only did I help R, but R helped me. On her page as I was talking to her, she had posted this beautiful poem and i will repost it because it moved me so much. she says she had gotten from a friend of hers, so to whoever you are that wrote this I thank you for such an amazing letter and the tears that were brought to me in reading it.


I AM A MILITARY GIRLFRIEND

I hold no formal recognition with the powers that be.
I am at the bottom of the chain. I hold no military ID card,
I am no "dependent" or a parent.
The man I love may face unspeakable dangers,
& I am at the mercy of those who possess
this recognition for news. I understand this & accept this.

I am a military girlfriend.
I have promised to be here for him upon his return,
no matter how long he is away.
People may say I am insane for making such a commitment
with no guarantees, but I hold onto our promises
& have faith that he will come home safe to me.
I know full well that my love for him fuels him in the worst of times.

I am a military girlfriend.
There is no ring on my finger to symbolize our commitment
Though I love him no less for it.
I hope every day that he will be able to call
because a simple 30-second phone call
can bring the greatest spectrum of emotions...
smiling with tears in my eyes from so much joy & pain.
My relationship is based on a brief communication where
"I love you and I'm okay" speaks more than volumes
& gives me the strength to keep going.

I am a military girlfriend.
I take no moments spent together for granted.
I hold onto every touch, caress, kiss, every word.
I have memorized the feel of his skin, his smell, the sound of his voice,
& I play it over & over in my mind so that I will not forget.
I cry myself to sleep some nights
because missing him hurts so badly,
but wake up the next morning,
brush myself off & start a new day.

I am a military girlfriend.
The events of the next several
months hold my life, my love & my future in the balance.
When you watch the news reports, you may turn away
& go about your business relatively unaffected.
When I watch news stories of the war
I do not see nameless soldiers a half a world away.
I see individuals who will forever be changed by war.
News of every casualty causes me physical pain & deep sadness.

I am a military girlfriend.
Not a spouse or family member.
When you say your prayers for the husbands & wives,
mothers & fathers, brothers & sisters,
sons & daughters; please don't forget about me.

Angel Wings and Santa Hats

I've noticed little things. like how much Uncle C and S sound exactly like Grandpop L when they tell stories. That's 3 Generations at its best there. I was telling S how Our Grandpa is the the coolest guy in the world! He said aw you're surrounded by all the coolest guys in the world right now. I said ya I'm just missing one he's in Texas!! Come home soon Baby!






It's a traditions at Uncle C's to wear Santa hats, drink peppermint schnapps and decorate for the holidays. I did none of the above. I wore angel wings that I found in a box with ghost Halloween decor and downloaded Christmas music on Bear share after giving up on my scrooge ways. A little bit of Pa Leeese goes a long way I guess. Aunt F was telling me the first year she was with Uncle C they had Schnapps and went for a Christmas tree so though she is not allowed to have it every year she gets a craving for it. AW!!!! I can't wait to have a family tradition.






I'm still bumbed over the J deployment thing. Can't be too upset though. At least we get him home for the holidays!! he told me he'll shoot a lot of bad guys for me. Thanks baby. and he'll send home their ears so I can make key chains out of them. i laughed. Thanks... but ugh I'll pass. Navy's made that boy a little stranger.

so if deployment is a way of life why does it make my tummy hurt?

So I learned yesterday that J is going to be deployed come Feb. He has yet to get his official orders but he is pretty sure he will be attached to a Seabee unit that will be deploying soon. I'm really not sure as of now how I feel about it... all I know is it makes my tummy hurt. I'm not ready to lose him for another 6 months after I have been patiently waiting for him to come home for 6 months already. SO it's gotten worse. sigh... I shouldn't have written that letter to Santa! So here's my question for anyone who runs across this post. Does it get any easier? I've already received the answers I didn't want...

"Welcome to the military life Babe"
Thanks S. I'm proud to have a part of it.

"You knew this was going to happen That's why I told ya not to get attached."
Gee thanks for trying to tell me not to get too attached to the guy that I've had eyes for from the minute I met him. Oh and the guy that I spent almost a week on the couch because we broke up and now he's doing the right thing for himself and I'm willing to wait for him. Oops. Guess I'm the asshole.


So now I'm bumbed. I'm sure it gets easier. Just dunno how to take it right now. any suggestions?

Letter to Santa

Santa Claus
North Pole

Dear Santa,

As always I want to ask you for another fantastic year. This year was not one of my favorites but I am thankful that things are starting to brighten up. Good news is peaking out of the clouds for my friends and family! I don't want much for Christmas this year. I want my family healthy, Grandma C, Grandmom, Grandpa L, Aunt F, Grandpop B, JS, Aunt G, Mom, K, and Dad and JK to be in good health when this season comes to an end. Please watch over my friends and family that are about to have babies; JM& HM, SC&KC, J&R, RG&JG and J&M. I would also like to ask that home would find me soon and you have no problem finding me where ever I maybe this year. Keep GL, IK, C, D, A, J, R, SK, Uncle M, N, & My J and all the other boys out there fighting to keep our country free in mind for me this year. If you can also get me a diamond under the tree this year I will leave you extra cookies. Talk to you soon Santa! Keep warm!

All my love,

Jessica Lynn