He'll be home for Christmas if only in my dreams

I’m feeling a little better now. Last night I asked my cousin about deployment and she came back with a fantastic letter. Telling me how she got though her husband’s depolyment in 2003. She gave me a bunch of pointers and it helped me a lot to get my hopes up. H let me know that the most important things are that he needs to know I am here supporting J all the way. And that I am strong enough to wait for him because he is out there doing a very coragous and wonderful thing for our country. She told me that I should stay away from the news and only relay on what comes from him and make lots of dates with friends to keep my mind off him not being here. H actually gave me a couple pointers that I had already done with J when he was in RTC. A letter everyday to tell him how proud I was and how strong he will be when its over was something both of us did for our Js. I know I’m not the only one here there are thousands of families out there that have to deal with this everyday. H helped me out a lot though because she and I are family. And I think that the one thing that I am bent on getting involved in recently is my family. My history and were we all come from. So to take the pressure of J’s soon deployment I am determined to stick to my to do list and get busy making my life a little better while waiting for J and my life together to unfold.
This morning a spent a lot of time on facebook and I went to Navy Girlfriends site and I read a post from a girl who’s boyfriend just left for RTC. She was looking for support and I held out my hand to her. She had every concern I had when J left for Boot Camp in July. What if a relationship is too much for him? What if he wants the single life? Will he get my letters? How am I going to do this? I didn’t lie to her, I let her know that boot is awful and he will need her supporting him every step of the way. I had a great conversation with R and I’m sure that helping her also helped me. I also said that it is amazing to see the change in your boyfriend when he comes out of Boot he’s proud, stronger, and totally in love with you for helping him make it through boot camp. I learned that from a couple girls; A and S two very strong Seamen’s better halves. I also told R that I <3 a sailor was putting together a Christmas card list and that would defiantly be a fantastic thing to deal with the holidays without our Navy boys. I have already given my address and I cannot wait to start sending cards out!!
I actually will get to see J soon. He’s coming home for leave, but he is not sure when, how long, or if he will be here for Christmas. That alone is tearing me up. I’ll just be getting him back but then he will be ripped away again. All I know is I will get though this with the help of my friends maybe this time next year I will not have to worry about J being far away from me… maybe next year I will be in J’s arms.

He’ll be home for Christmas if only in my dreams



Not only did I help R, but R helped me. On her page as I was talking to her, she had posted this beautiful poem and i will repost it because it moved me so much. she says she had gotten from a friend of hers, so to whoever you are that wrote this I thank you for such an amazing letter and the tears that were brought to me in reading it.


I AM A MILITARY GIRLFRIEND

I hold no formal recognition with the powers that be.
I am at the bottom of the chain. I hold no military ID card,
I am no "dependent" or a parent.
The man I love may face unspeakable dangers,
& I am at the mercy of those who possess
this recognition for news. I understand this & accept this.

I am a military girlfriend.
I have promised to be here for him upon his return,
no matter how long he is away.
People may say I am insane for making such a commitment
with no guarantees, but I hold onto our promises
& have faith that he will come home safe to me.
I know full well that my love for him fuels him in the worst of times.

I am a military girlfriend.
There is no ring on my finger to symbolize our commitment
Though I love him no less for it.
I hope every day that he will be able to call
because a simple 30-second phone call
can bring the greatest spectrum of emotions...
smiling with tears in my eyes from so much joy & pain.
My relationship is based on a brief communication where
"I love you and I'm okay" speaks more than volumes
& gives me the strength to keep going.

I am a military girlfriend.
I take no moments spent together for granted.
I hold onto every touch, caress, kiss, every word.
I have memorized the feel of his skin, his smell, the sound of his voice,
& I play it over & over in my mind so that I will not forget.
I cry myself to sleep some nights
because missing him hurts so badly,
but wake up the next morning,
brush myself off & start a new day.

I am a military girlfriend.
The events of the next several
months hold my life, my love & my future in the balance.
When you watch the news reports, you may turn away
& go about your business relatively unaffected.
When I watch news stories of the war
I do not see nameless soldiers a half a world away.
I see individuals who will forever be changed by war.
News of every casualty causes me physical pain & deep sadness.

I am a military girlfriend.
Not a spouse or family member.
When you say your prayers for the husbands & wives,
mothers & fathers, brothers & sisters,
sons & daughters; please don't forget about me.